This weekend it didn't snow. I am very disappointed by this especially since the mid-Atlantic states can't seem to get enough of it these last days. How we (NY) missed this snow storm is beyond me. There is a rumor that if it snows while you are at work and the store has to close you still get paid for showing up. I mean paid as if you have been there all day. I was slightly hoping this would be the case on Saturday. The weatherman said it would happen. People at work were throwing around how many inches we would receive. And on the day in question, I woke up expecting something. An inch or two. We got nothing. Damn
I am pulling myself out of this stupor I have created. I have no choice but to. There comes a point when you realize the only person who can really help you is well...you.
I took a much needed day to myself yesterday. I slept in very late, I read a book I have been meaning to read for ages, I had oatmeal at night and I even watched football and cursed. The last activity was on a whim. I'm not a huge sports fan but everyone needs to watch guys charge each other in stimulated battle every once in a while. right? But a day to myself may have done the trick, I feel prepared to take on the world this week.
My computer hunt is going well. I went over to my friends house (Toaster) this Friday and along with some help from his girlfriend, I am starting to make some sound decisions on what computer I should invest in. Like yeah, maybe HP's are all kinds of pretty. And maybe the reason I want this one has something to do with it looking like a MAC. But if I have to keep sending it away because it crashes on me like something awful, then I have wasted a pretty penny on sir pretty computer.
As I do this computer search, I am beginning to realize that I don't know much about computer brands. I am sort of poking around based on what it looks like, rather than what I will need it for. So yeah, it's time for me to get serious about this. I am checking out all the computer sites, comparing prices, reading reviews analyzing what specs I will need on my new computer. I just got my taxes done (so the IRS doesn''t come beating my door down) and I will get back a nice chunk of money. Enough for me to get something amazing.
Amazing.
I will have to get my hard drive backed up so that I don't lose any important files on my computer. McAb's friend and co-worker of ours (Stev) agreed to do it for free. He was suppose to come over Friday night to pick up my computer but I put a halt to that plan after I got some very interesting feedback on him and his computer skills...
Friday I spent the whole day at Toasters house playing Playstation 3 and watching infommericals involving very expensive saws. It was kind of weird to hang out with him outside of work. Like I am use to there being a buffer. One that involves us chilling at the cash register or having lunch in the break room. This was different. I woke up really early to meet his girlfriend at the train station and then we headed to their place located in some town that resembled something you'd read out of a Stephen king novel.
I had Indian food, played BurnOut horribly and then watched a two hour episode of smallville. I think he was just glad I showed up (you know because of my whole bailing thing) and I was glad to be there. I'm not good at showing up for things. I think I am most afraid that outside of work people won't find me interesting or worse that they will never want to hang out with me again. But Friday was successful. We talked, laughed, and gossiped especially about work. The moment I mentioned that Stev (hard drive guy) was going to back up my files, everyone in the room groaned. Of course I wanted to know why they made that noise and they proceeded to tell me that he is the most horrible computer guy ever.
Apparently he never gives your computer back. He just keeps it, taking parts from it for his own use. And he will find a way to mess something as simple as backing up a hard drive up. At first I thought they were exaggerating but Toaster said he hasn't seen his old computer in months. A computer Stev was suppose to help fix.
So I texted Stev and told him that I had to cancel on him and McAbs (who was suppose to drive Stev over) stopping by to get my computer. The next day I ran into McAbs at work and he was kind of mad at me the whole night. When I went up to him, he said "so what the hell was up with last night. Stev and I were planning to head over and you kind of bailed'. I told him that I took it to best buy (lie) because I felt more comfortable them backing my crap up (not a lie). I mean if Stev mishandles the hard drive or worse never gives it back I am out of 3 years worth of pictures, stories, and music.
Then McAbs said something weird: "don't lie, you were afraid we were going to look at your files".
No Mcabs I wasn't. Seriously the thought never crossed my mind, until he mentioned it. And why did he say 'we'. I kind of thought Stev would be the only one to have access to my things. But the moment he said that I realized that was a strong possibility. And though I don't have anything incriminating on it, my whole life is there and I don't want them having access to it. I'm weird I know, but I've decided to get it back up else where even if I have to pay. I can't have McAbs reading any of my stories, or seeing pictures of me and my family.
Anyway.
So yeah, I'm feeling better. I did a lot of writing yesterday and I just have to do some errands before heading home.
I want to write some more but the guy next to me is totally looking at some Internet PORN. It is making me uncomfortable and I wish I could tell on him. I mean come on in the library. Aren't there basements or houses or I don't know, places where I AM NOT sitting for YOU (mister) to watch porn. I feel queasy. I'll try to write a proper post sometime this week.
Until then
Monday, February 08, 2010
Thursday, February 04, 2010
I'm feeling the Big D coming on....
I had a nightmare last night. And no, it's not because i may or may not have watched suspiria. A flick I may or may not have checked out from the library.
I am obsessed with the Final Girl theory again (horror movies. girl who survives to tell the story. the usual), and this week I rented some movie featuring the final girl from my library. Despite the awesome selection of movies here, the horror genre is slim to none. I ended up getting Scream, Nightmare on Elm Street, and Suspiria. Just to mix it up a little.
But she (the final girl) has been haunting my dreams lately. And the fact that she endures so much only to survive with the remnants of the life she once led, is connecting with me on some level. Even in the dream world. At night I go to sleep and I have dreams that are dark and nonsensical and damn right scary. and then I wake up, and I feel low; like I don't have a sense of myself.
I don't know what to do with them. I write them down in my notebook, I try to make sense of them but it always comes back to the same thing. I am feeling low these days. I feel like I don't have any grasp on my life. And for some reason I am at the point in the horror movie where I am not to sure I will survive (figuratively. not literally).
Work is stressful. Life is stressful. Money is tight. And I don't have the one thing to get away from it all (my computer). Next week I am clocking in a record 2 days at work with 1 on call shift. This is not only ridiculous but it is horrific. How am I going to get a new computer when I am working only 2 days next week. How am I going to get out of my current rut when I feel like I am doomed to live this life. And where the hell is lady luck when you need her, or at least the guardian angel who is suppose to tell me it is going to be alright.
When I was in high school my mom introduced me to Frida Kahlo. My mom was into a phase where she wanted to learn all about art and as her left hand man, I had to too. So for about two years we studied artist we would have otherwise ignored, and delved into an art world. Frida was my favorite, there was (and still is) something heartbreaking about her work.
There is one in particular painting that cannot escape my mind. I am pulling from my memory here, so bear with me. It is a vivid image where she has painted herself (in a dream like setting) in some form of giving birth, except that the fetus (which is attached to her via the cord, dangling in the air) looks exactly like her. The painting is so unnatural, and the first time I saw it I thought it was grotesque. But now, I feel like I understand everything about the image. Especially as I wander around New York feeling like whatever I have set out to do here is becoming a bust.
I had a thought after a particular nightmare the other night on childbirth and death. That I have inside of me this thing that I am suppose to give life to. Except somewhere along the way it has died inside of me. And I have no concept of what I am going to give birth to anymore. I don't know what resides in my body anymore. Sometimes it feels undeveloped, sometimes I can feel it wanting to kick, and live, and be born. But it's just there, deep down in a place I don't think I will ever be able to reach it, and then save it, and possibly bring it back to life.
depressing right. god I hate feeling like this.
I don't know. This no computer thing may be putting me in this weird mood. As with my current job situation. But I need things to get better, to look better, to feel better. So that I feel like whatever potential is living inside me, will be able to live outside of my 'womb' in a sense.
sorry my thoughts are all over the place today, i just needed to write them down. even when they don't make any sense to me.
I'm at the library again. Yuck and more yuck. I have errands to run after this, and I may need to buy me something (a book perhaps) to get my spirits up. February is bringing me down. My upcoming birthday is bringing me down, and it still smells weird here.
But...tomorrow I am heading over to my friends house for a day of video games. No bailing for me. He promised food along with a round of BurnOut (a car racing game). I am a sucker for cars and chicken.
I wont be on this thing until Monday. Maybe then I will have some plan. I need one quick.
I am obsessed with the Final Girl theory again (horror movies. girl who survives to tell the story. the usual), and this week I rented some movie featuring the final girl from my library. Despite the awesome selection of movies here, the horror genre is slim to none. I ended up getting Scream, Nightmare on Elm Street, and Suspiria. Just to mix it up a little.
But she (the final girl) has been haunting my dreams lately. And the fact that she endures so much only to survive with the remnants of the life she once led, is connecting with me on some level. Even in the dream world. At night I go to sleep and I have dreams that are dark and nonsensical and damn right scary. and then I wake up, and I feel low; like I don't have a sense of myself.
I don't know what to do with them. I write them down in my notebook, I try to make sense of them but it always comes back to the same thing. I am feeling low these days. I feel like I don't have any grasp on my life. And for some reason I am at the point in the horror movie where I am not to sure I will survive (figuratively. not literally).
Work is stressful. Life is stressful. Money is tight. And I don't have the one thing to get away from it all (my computer). Next week I am clocking in a record 2 days at work with 1 on call shift. This is not only ridiculous but it is horrific. How am I going to get a new computer when I am working only 2 days next week. How am I going to get out of my current rut when I feel like I am doomed to live this life. And where the hell is lady luck when you need her, or at least the guardian angel who is suppose to tell me it is going to be alright.
When I was in high school my mom introduced me to Frida Kahlo. My mom was into a phase where she wanted to learn all about art and as her left hand man, I had to too. So for about two years we studied artist we would have otherwise ignored, and delved into an art world. Frida was my favorite, there was (and still is) something heartbreaking about her work.
There is one in particular painting that cannot escape my mind. I am pulling from my memory here, so bear with me. It is a vivid image where she has painted herself (in a dream like setting) in some form of giving birth, except that the fetus (which is attached to her via the cord, dangling in the air) looks exactly like her. The painting is so unnatural, and the first time I saw it I thought it was grotesque. But now, I feel like I understand everything about the image. Especially as I wander around New York feeling like whatever I have set out to do here is becoming a bust.
I had a thought after a particular nightmare the other night on childbirth and death. That I have inside of me this thing that I am suppose to give life to. Except somewhere along the way it has died inside of me. And I have no concept of what I am going to give birth to anymore. I don't know what resides in my body anymore. Sometimes it feels undeveloped, sometimes I can feel it wanting to kick, and live, and be born. But it's just there, deep down in a place I don't think I will ever be able to reach it, and then save it, and possibly bring it back to life.
depressing right. god I hate feeling like this.
I don't know. This no computer thing may be putting me in this weird mood. As with my current job situation. But I need things to get better, to look better, to feel better. So that I feel like whatever potential is living inside me, will be able to live outside of my 'womb' in a sense.
sorry my thoughts are all over the place today, i just needed to write them down. even when they don't make any sense to me.
I'm at the library again. Yuck and more yuck. I have errands to run after this, and I may need to buy me something (a book perhaps) to get my spirits up. February is bringing me down. My upcoming birthday is bringing me down, and it still smells weird here.
But...tomorrow I am heading over to my friends house for a day of video games. No bailing for me. He promised food along with a round of BurnOut (a car racing game). I am a sucker for cars and chicken.
I wont be on this thing until Monday. Maybe then I will have some plan. I need one quick.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
'Don't Bail on Me'
I picked up my now non functioning computer from best buy today. That went well.
I didn't run into Peter who consoled me on the phone. This time it was Pedro. Just as nice but not as sweet as Pete. The Geek Squaders do there job well. They are all nerdy techy guys who hate when they run into problems they can't fix. After I explained to Pedro what Peter said on the phone, Pedro said he would take another look at it for me.
For a brief moment I thought he would be able to fix my computer. He kept making those noises one makes when they think they have stumbled on a great discovery. I started to get happy. Damn it I was even getting optimistic. I tucked my debit card back in my pocket for a moment, convinced that Pedro was on the brink of figuring it all out.
But he didn't. He suggested the same thing Peter did and I spent the better half of my time there looking at computers. I am convinced that the HP is the one for me. And not because it is cute and pretty (ok, that may be a reason). But I like what it offers, and dammit, it is cute and pretty and almost looks like a Mac except that it isn't. I am not too thrilled with having to change from XP to Windows 7, but what the hell. At this point the computer will cost around 640.00, not including the warranty. And I may have to get a new damn Anti-virus program because Norton didn't do shit.
Oh, the pains of being older.
I am beginning to think that I am secretly living the life of a 90's sitcom. Where everything bad (though funny) happens to your lovable protagonist. Case in point: The roof in my new pad is shitty. Last week it rained and the ceiling in my landlady's room started leaking. My room was rain free, but still, leaky roofs are not cool. We have had construction people (men) in our house for about 5 days, hacking away at the roof, appearing in front of windows, or more importantly appearing in front of bathroom windows as a certain lovable protagonist was peeing. What?!?! It was the morning, I had to go. I did not notice the construction guy when I sat down. It was only when I realized that there was drilling coming from outside the window that I knew that I was bare assed in front of a stranger. And damn it all to hell, there he was, standing on the roof inches away from me and my pee. I don't know if he saw me, but I have enough of this renovation. enough of it.
And on top of that I have been dubbed a "bailer" at work. Let me explain. I believe that I am a fun person. I laugh a lot. I am spontaneous. And generally a great person to be around. But I am not a fan of hanging out. I don't do plans well. I just like them to happen, and with the people I want them to happen with. When Angie was here, I hung out with her all the time. But she was easy to be around. I didn't feel like anything was forced with her. She liked to have random late night drives around Westchester. She liked waffle houses and feminist literature. She didn't mind going back to her place and just talking. I like those kind of hang out sessions.
But recently as my social life has made a turn upward. I have been requested to hang out by several people. Work people who are slowly becoming friends. But I have in some way or another managed to bail out of this. I get 'sick' or 'my computer dies' or 'i'm snowed in by imaginary snow'. You know the usual.
But recently the people I have bailed on are making a fuss of this. Do I even exist outside of work? Do I not like them? What's going on? Josh, pulled me to the side one day (as your classic sitcom 'guy who knows everything' type) and told me that 'bailers are like the worst. Because you know what happens to them. No one asks them to hang out anymore'.
It's true. Hanging out frightens me. If I can avoid it I will. But I figure with all this free time I have, I minus will try to strengthen my social life. So I don't feel so disconnected. I wonder if this is episode 34 of my life. I just need to come up with a show title at this point. Because the only thing preventing me from crying is laughter. My life is becoming absurd. I get caught on the toilet, I have discussions about bailers to a guy who dressed up like a character from Zelda for Halloween, I cry on the phone to a Geek Squader. Who I then proceed to crush on for the rest of the afternoon because his voice was nice. AND do we need to mention my obsession with McAbs. The day before, he wore a tight white shirt and apart of me died inside. Hardcore.
I need to write a pilot of my life, right now. If those Jersey Shore kids (grown ass adults) can do it, than why can't I. I'm interesting? I'm lovable. I've encountered enough material to warrant some interest.
Yes, this is my life and I hope it get betters. I hope I can find the computer, job, boy, and city of my dreams before 25. I'm still hoping Australia will take me, if this all doesn't work out.
Yeah. Australia.
Time to get out of the library. Tech guy from work is going to back up my hard drive this friday, and maybe (maybe) get the damn thing to run. Maybe.
I didn't run into Peter who consoled me on the phone. This time it was Pedro. Just as nice but not as sweet as Pete. The Geek Squaders do there job well. They are all nerdy techy guys who hate when they run into problems they can't fix. After I explained to Pedro what Peter said on the phone, Pedro said he would take another look at it for me.
For a brief moment I thought he would be able to fix my computer. He kept making those noises one makes when they think they have stumbled on a great discovery. I started to get happy. Damn it I was even getting optimistic. I tucked my debit card back in my pocket for a moment, convinced that Pedro was on the brink of figuring it all out.
But he didn't. He suggested the same thing Peter did and I spent the better half of my time there looking at computers. I am convinced that the HP is the one for me. And not because it is cute and pretty (ok, that may be a reason). But I like what it offers, and dammit, it is cute and pretty and almost looks like a Mac except that it isn't. I am not too thrilled with having to change from XP to Windows 7, but what the hell. At this point the computer will cost around 640.00, not including the warranty. And I may have to get a new damn Anti-virus program because Norton didn't do shit.
Oh, the pains of being older.
I am beginning to think that I am secretly living the life of a 90's sitcom. Where everything bad (though funny) happens to your lovable protagonist. Case in point: The roof in my new pad is shitty. Last week it rained and the ceiling in my landlady's room started leaking. My room was rain free, but still, leaky roofs are not cool. We have had construction people (men) in our house for about 5 days, hacking away at the roof, appearing in front of windows, or more importantly appearing in front of bathroom windows as a certain lovable protagonist was peeing. What?!?! It was the morning, I had to go. I did not notice the construction guy when I sat down. It was only when I realized that there was drilling coming from outside the window that I knew that I was bare assed in front of a stranger. And damn it all to hell, there he was, standing on the roof inches away from me and my pee. I don't know if he saw me, but I have enough of this renovation. enough of it.
And on top of that I have been dubbed a "bailer" at work. Let me explain. I believe that I am a fun person. I laugh a lot. I am spontaneous. And generally a great person to be around. But I am not a fan of hanging out. I don't do plans well. I just like them to happen, and with the people I want them to happen with. When Angie was here, I hung out with her all the time. But she was easy to be around. I didn't feel like anything was forced with her. She liked to have random late night drives around Westchester. She liked waffle houses and feminist literature. She didn't mind going back to her place and just talking. I like those kind of hang out sessions.
But recently as my social life has made a turn upward. I have been requested to hang out by several people. Work people who are slowly becoming friends. But I have in some way or another managed to bail out of this. I get 'sick' or 'my computer dies' or 'i'm snowed in by imaginary snow'. You know the usual.
But recently the people I have bailed on are making a fuss of this. Do I even exist outside of work? Do I not like them? What's going on? Josh, pulled me to the side one day (as your classic sitcom 'guy who knows everything' type) and told me that 'bailers are like the worst. Because you know what happens to them. No one asks them to hang out anymore'.
It's true. Hanging out frightens me. If I can avoid it I will. But I figure with all this free time I have, I minus will try to strengthen my social life. So I don't feel so disconnected. I wonder if this is episode 34 of my life. I just need to come up with a show title at this point. Because the only thing preventing me from crying is laughter. My life is becoming absurd. I get caught on the toilet, I have discussions about bailers to a guy who dressed up like a character from Zelda for Halloween, I cry on the phone to a Geek Squader. Who I then proceed to crush on for the rest of the afternoon because his voice was nice. AND do we need to mention my obsession with McAbs. The day before, he wore a tight white shirt and apart of me died inside. Hardcore.
I need to write a pilot of my life, right now. If those Jersey Shore kids (grown ass adults) can do it, than why can't I. I'm interesting? I'm lovable. I've encountered enough material to warrant some interest.
Yes, this is my life and I hope it get betters. I hope I can find the computer, job, boy, and city of my dreams before 25. I'm still hoping Australia will take me, if this all doesn't work out.
Yeah. Australia.
Time to get out of the library. Tech guy from work is going to back up my hard drive this friday, and maybe (maybe) get the damn thing to run. Maybe.
Monday, February 01, 2010
Real Bad News
Yesterday at work I got a very 'concerned' message from a geek squad guy.
I have been dealing with computer problems since January, and after the last fiasco ('jay z is da shit'), I thought Best Buy would quickly resolve the issue with their amazingly hot geek squad team.
Boy, was I wrong.
I was taking my break when I noticed that someone from a new york area code phoned me about 5 times. I started to worry. Maybe something happen to my dad. Maybe something happened to Michelle. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. When I listened to the message, a man introduced himself as a geek squad agent and that he had encountered some serious problems when running the diagnostic test. He sounded serious and concerned. Which is something you do not expect from a geek squader.
I called best buy back immediately. What happened to this being a simple software problem. what happen to it being a (not so) simple hard drive problem. When I got on the phone with an agent she put me on hold and got me in touch with the agent who tried to repair my computer.
His name was Peter. He had a soft voice. He said that when he ran the diagnostic test my computer crashed. Hardcore. So he ran another one. A stronger one. And guess what, my computer not only annihilated that test but it went into a coma (she won't turn on). He wanted to talk to me about my options. But they are few. It appears to be the motherboard. But because my computer has shut down completely he can't even be sure about that. I can either have them ship it off to who knows where, where they will be able to fix the problem for a ridiculous price OR I need to invest in getting a new computer. He was nice and calm. I cried on the phone. He apologized and offered his condolences, but they did all they could do.
Now I have no idea what to do. I cannot invest anymore money into a computer that after 4 years just isn't worth it to be honest. But how can I afford a new computer. I could buy a really cheap one but how long will that last. I hate being an adult.
In a month I will be 24 years old. This is frightening because at 24 I work retail, live in a room, and can't afford basic necessities (okay that's a stretch but I am very emotional today). I don't know where the time went or why it went, or why I can't just get all of it back. I want to get all of it back, I hate where I am at in my life right now. When I was younger, you can bet that I didn't think 24 would look like this. If it had I would have found a way to prevent growing up.
It's not even the computer issue itself. My mom couldn't understand why I was so sad on the phone later that night. She assured me that this was not a huge issue, she gave me the 'you have your health and life' conversation. But I just feel bad that she continues to support my impulsive move to New York, and subsequent setbacks that i have to go to her to resolve. And though I know that a computer will be coming my way in a few short weeks (I sort of want an HP, any suggestions?) I hate feeling like this dream....this thing I set out to do is falling through. And that I am not only disappointing her, but myself in some weird way.
So yeah. The library will be my friend for a while. I'll just have to get use to writing here. And the weird smells. Hey, i'm starting to feel that optimism thing again...
In other news. After I spent my break crying to Peter and my mom I had to get back to work. Because I need the money to afford living. As I was heading to customer service I seriously got accosted by a customer.
I have 18 minutes to explain.... So I was at customer service when a guy came up to me and asked me for an application. I told him that we aren't really hiring but that if he filled one out the managers would hold onto it for a year. I thought after I said that he would go away. You know, because he had his application in his hand. But he sort of lingered around. Asking me questions sort of related to the job and myself.
He was creepy. Beyond creepy and I made a quick exit. But he followed me throughout the store asking me to help him with his application. I told him that I didn't have the time to do that because I had to help customers looking to buy books. He seemed offended but then went away. He came back 5 minutes later to ask me about a specific question on the application. But he didn't want to ask me in front of the other customers. He wanted me to come in the corner near the children's department. Sure red flags were waving, but even with all his creepiness, I felt safe in the store at least with a guard at each end of the store and customers inches away.
So I went in the corner. It was there that he asked me for my name and phone number followed by a question about how old I was. He seemed disappointed at my age and then proceeded to do the whole creepy guy thing. I managed to walk away before he fondled any parts of the boob but I felt nervous and scared.
Turns out, after I disappeared from him he went to customer service and asked my manager for my name and the hours that I work. She of course, told him that information like that cannot be given out. He then came up to the cash register where I was and tried to get my attention but I made a bee-line for an aisle, where McAbs was cleaning something.
Jeepers. I have had my fair share of creepy guys but this guy was in another league. I am thinking about taking up some kick boxing class. Combined with how much Buffy the Vampire Slayer I have been watching lately, I feel like maybe I do have to empower myself. Especially because I give off the defenseless vibe.
I told McAbs about the incident, and at first he laughed. But then when he drove me home that night he was like "dude next time, just come and get me. I'll kick his fucking teeth in.' I've never heard such sweet words come out of someone that hot.
Damn him and his muscles.
So yeah, I have ten minutes remaining. This sucks. I will try to get here more often and suck up my aversion to the library. And the smell. I miss this place.
Until Then,
Becks
PS. Snail Mail to be sent out shortly.
I have been dealing with computer problems since January, and after the last fiasco ('jay z is da shit'), I thought Best Buy would quickly resolve the issue with their amazingly hot geek squad team.
Boy, was I wrong.
I was taking my break when I noticed that someone from a new york area code phoned me about 5 times. I started to worry. Maybe something happen to my dad. Maybe something happened to Michelle. Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. When I listened to the message, a man introduced himself as a geek squad agent and that he had encountered some serious problems when running the diagnostic test. He sounded serious and concerned. Which is something you do not expect from a geek squader.
I called best buy back immediately. What happened to this being a simple software problem. what happen to it being a (not so) simple hard drive problem. When I got on the phone with an agent she put me on hold and got me in touch with the agent who tried to repair my computer.
His name was Peter. He had a soft voice. He said that when he ran the diagnostic test my computer crashed. Hardcore. So he ran another one. A stronger one. And guess what, my computer not only annihilated that test but it went into a coma (she won't turn on). He wanted to talk to me about my options. But they are few. It appears to be the motherboard. But because my computer has shut down completely he can't even be sure about that. I can either have them ship it off to who knows where, where they will be able to fix the problem for a ridiculous price OR I need to invest in getting a new computer. He was nice and calm. I cried on the phone. He apologized and offered his condolences, but they did all they could do.
Now I have no idea what to do. I cannot invest anymore money into a computer that after 4 years just isn't worth it to be honest. But how can I afford a new computer. I could buy a really cheap one but how long will that last. I hate being an adult.
In a month I will be 24 years old. This is frightening because at 24 I work retail, live in a room, and can't afford basic necessities (okay that's a stretch but I am very emotional today). I don't know where the time went or why it went, or why I can't just get all of it back. I want to get all of it back, I hate where I am at in my life right now. When I was younger, you can bet that I didn't think 24 would look like this. If it had I would have found a way to prevent growing up.
It's not even the computer issue itself. My mom couldn't understand why I was so sad on the phone later that night. She assured me that this was not a huge issue, she gave me the 'you have your health and life' conversation. But I just feel bad that she continues to support my impulsive move to New York, and subsequent setbacks that i have to go to her to resolve. And though I know that a computer will be coming my way in a few short weeks (I sort of want an HP, any suggestions?) I hate feeling like this dream....this thing I set out to do is falling through. And that I am not only disappointing her, but myself in some weird way.
So yeah. The library will be my friend for a while. I'll just have to get use to writing here. And the weird smells. Hey, i'm starting to feel that optimism thing again...
In other news. After I spent my break crying to Peter and my mom I had to get back to work. Because I need the money to afford living. As I was heading to customer service I seriously got accosted by a customer.
I have 18 minutes to explain.... So I was at customer service when a guy came up to me and asked me for an application. I told him that we aren't really hiring but that if he filled one out the managers would hold onto it for a year. I thought after I said that he would go away. You know, because he had his application in his hand. But he sort of lingered around. Asking me questions sort of related to the job and myself.
He was creepy. Beyond creepy and I made a quick exit. But he followed me throughout the store asking me to help him with his application. I told him that I didn't have the time to do that because I had to help customers looking to buy books. He seemed offended but then went away. He came back 5 minutes later to ask me about a specific question on the application. But he didn't want to ask me in front of the other customers. He wanted me to come in the corner near the children's department. Sure red flags were waving, but even with all his creepiness, I felt safe in the store at least with a guard at each end of the store and customers inches away.
So I went in the corner. It was there that he asked me for my name and phone number followed by a question about how old I was. He seemed disappointed at my age and then proceeded to do the whole creepy guy thing. I managed to walk away before he fondled any parts of the boob but I felt nervous and scared.
Turns out, after I disappeared from him he went to customer service and asked my manager for my name and the hours that I work. She of course, told him that information like that cannot be given out. He then came up to the cash register where I was and tried to get my attention but I made a bee-line for an aisle, where McAbs was cleaning something.
Jeepers. I have had my fair share of creepy guys but this guy was in another league. I am thinking about taking up some kick boxing class. Combined with how much Buffy the Vampire Slayer I have been watching lately, I feel like maybe I do have to empower myself. Especially because I give off the defenseless vibe.
I told McAbs about the incident, and at first he laughed. But then when he drove me home that night he was like "dude next time, just come and get me. I'll kick his fucking teeth in.' I've never heard such sweet words come out of someone that hot.
Damn him and his muscles.
So yeah, I have ten minutes remaining. This sucks. I will try to get here more often and suck up my aversion to the library. And the smell. I miss this place.
Until Then,
Becks
PS. Snail Mail to be sent out shortly.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Service Order
Best Buy and I are getting to be really good friends.
Today I handed my very sick computer to a geek squad guy who looked like David Byrne. No lie. When he signed the service order D.B, I couldn't help but smile. What if a talking heads member (one of the most influential, I may add) were working on my computer. That to me is worth more than getting it fixed. Okay not really, but it would be funny.
Anyway, back to the computer thing.
It's been a week sans computer and I am surprisingly hanging in there. So yeah, it feels like 1999. When I was 13, and my idea of ever owning a computer was slim. But I am dealing. I have no choice but to. Without the computer I am getting acquainted with things I ditched once I got one. I finished a book. I completed a jigsaw puzzle, I wrote snail mail. SNAIL MAIL.
Because most of my hours are spent on the interweb, I have forgotten how many hours are in a day, and more importantly what I can get done in those hours that for now do not include youtube.
Everyone at work attempted to give me computer advice. EVERYONE. And I listened, nodded my head, patted some backs and praised their techiness. But I must admit, I am not a techy girl. I know your basic 101 skills but then everything else is like rocket science. So even though I heard a million suggestions I had no idea what those suggestions meant.
Josh said he could fix my computer, followed by a guy named Mike who said he could fix it even better than Josh could ever fix it. This was then followed by a ten minute tech conversation about drivers(?) and software and who knew what. I stood there, listening, nodding, and then dreaming of Australia.
In the end, I took it to Best Buy. Yeah it's going to cost me a million bucks. But hey David Byrne is working on my computer and he said it is definitely not the hard drive. Thank God.
Until then, I am stuck at the library again. I miss using the computer in the privacy of my own home.
With all this time on my hand I want to incorporate some more not so computer related activities into my life. 'David' said it would take 7-10 to run a diagnostic and then another 3 to fix whatever the hell is wrong with my computer. So I will be without a working comp for at least 2 weeks. 2 weeks.
Some of you, should expect snail mail. I'm bored.
God this library smells weird. I am all claustrophobic here. I tried to get here earlier (to avoid the crowd) but I had to walk all the way from Best Buy to get here, and that took me about an hour. The library is like some weird comical place where everyone who doesn't have a computer come to converge for an hour out of that day.
I feel, at this moment, as I listen to the best damn french soundtrack in the world, as if I am in a black and white movie. You know the ones that are silent and you see the actor do something, followed by their dialogue written on some cardboard paper. People file into use these things like roaches, and when they are not too busy staring at the computer, realizing it is something man has actually manage to create, they type slow. One finger at a time.
I must get out of here. I will probably get some books. Get some envelopes and start writing. I am really interested in this snail mail thing. I haven't done it actively since I was 14. I use to write (and receive) letters to my childhood friend Linda when I was in middle school. I use to get so excited when I received her letters in the mail.
When I moved to south carolina I always felt like a stranger to my past. I didn't live there anymore, and for some reason I felt like traces of me no longer existed there. But when I use to write her, it was like a reminder in a way that I had once had this life there. With her. In that time. In that age.
Who knows. Maybe i'm being all nostalgic for no reason. But because I don't have a computer I feel like I don't have access to well...to this place which I am attached to.
My time is winding down at the computer. Damn. I'll try to have a more cohesive post next time. I have boy news. Yeah, seriously. Okay by news I mean, there was this boy that I met when I was in south carolina for the summer (so I didn't write about that one. my bad). I bought records from him. He is cute and nerdy, and wears glasses. Anyway, he asked about the other day when my mom stopped into the store without me. My mom said he didn't even wait to say hello to her first, he just sort of blurted out that he hadn't seen me in a while and didn't know how to get in contact. He missed seeing me at the store. WHAT THE FUDGE. He couldn't have said this when I was home.
More on that later. Well, some idiot doesn't have her headphones on the computer. People are giving her the stank face. Me including. I hate this place. Somebody save me. Time to get out of here. The smell is nauseating.
Today I handed my very sick computer to a geek squad guy who looked like David Byrne. No lie. When he signed the service order D.B, I couldn't help but smile. What if a talking heads member (one of the most influential, I may add) were working on my computer. That to me is worth more than getting it fixed. Okay not really, but it would be funny.
Anyway, back to the computer thing.
It's been a week sans computer and I am surprisingly hanging in there. So yeah, it feels like 1999. When I was 13, and my idea of ever owning a computer was slim. But I am dealing. I have no choice but to. Without the computer I am getting acquainted with things I ditched once I got one. I finished a book. I completed a jigsaw puzzle, I wrote snail mail. SNAIL MAIL.
Because most of my hours are spent on the interweb, I have forgotten how many hours are in a day, and more importantly what I can get done in those hours that for now do not include youtube.
Everyone at work attempted to give me computer advice. EVERYONE. And I listened, nodded my head, patted some backs and praised their techiness. But I must admit, I am not a techy girl. I know your basic 101 skills but then everything else is like rocket science. So even though I heard a million suggestions I had no idea what those suggestions meant.
Josh said he could fix my computer, followed by a guy named Mike who said he could fix it even better than Josh could ever fix it. This was then followed by a ten minute tech conversation about drivers(?) and software and who knew what. I stood there, listening, nodding, and then dreaming of Australia.
In the end, I took it to Best Buy. Yeah it's going to cost me a million bucks. But hey David Byrne is working on my computer and he said it is definitely not the hard drive. Thank God.
Until then, I am stuck at the library again. I miss using the computer in the privacy of my own home.
With all this time on my hand I want to incorporate some more not so computer related activities into my life. 'David' said it would take 7-10 to run a diagnostic and then another 3 to fix whatever the hell is wrong with my computer. So I will be without a working comp for at least 2 weeks. 2 weeks.
Some of you, should expect snail mail. I'm bored.
God this library smells weird. I am all claustrophobic here. I tried to get here earlier (to avoid the crowd) but I had to walk all the way from Best Buy to get here, and that took me about an hour. The library is like some weird comical place where everyone who doesn't have a computer come to converge for an hour out of that day.
I feel, at this moment, as I listen to the best damn french soundtrack in the world, as if I am in a black and white movie. You know the ones that are silent and you see the actor do something, followed by their dialogue written on some cardboard paper. People file into use these things like roaches, and when they are not too busy staring at the computer, realizing it is something man has actually manage to create, they type slow. One finger at a time.
I must get out of here. I will probably get some books. Get some envelopes and start writing. I am really interested in this snail mail thing. I haven't done it actively since I was 14. I use to write (and receive) letters to my childhood friend Linda when I was in middle school. I use to get so excited when I received her letters in the mail.
When I moved to south carolina I always felt like a stranger to my past. I didn't live there anymore, and for some reason I felt like traces of me no longer existed there. But when I use to write her, it was like a reminder in a way that I had once had this life there. With her. In that time. In that age.
Who knows. Maybe i'm being all nostalgic for no reason. But because I don't have a computer I feel like I don't have access to well...to this place which I am attached to.
My time is winding down at the computer. Damn. I'll try to have a more cohesive post next time. I have boy news. Yeah, seriously. Okay by news I mean, there was this boy that I met when I was in south carolina for the summer (so I didn't write about that one. my bad). I bought records from him. He is cute and nerdy, and wears glasses. Anyway, he asked about the other day when my mom stopped into the store without me. My mom said he didn't even wait to say hello to her first, he just sort of blurted out that he hadn't seen me in a while and didn't know how to get in contact. He missed seeing me at the store. WHAT THE FUDGE. He couldn't have said this when I was home.
More on that later. Well, some idiot doesn't have her headphones on the computer. People are giving her the stank face. Me including. I hate this place. Somebody save me. Time to get out of here. The smell is nauseating.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Jay Z ruins everything!
My computer has official died. Or kind of died. Or more aptly, the software has crashed (at this point I hope it is just that). I noticed last week that my USB port was not working on my computer. This only became noticeable when I tried to transfer new songs onto my ipod. At first I thought it was the cord itself. I have had problems in the past with usb wires.
But my math lessons from school paid off. Or maybe that's science lessons. Instead of buying a new usb cord I tried to use the usb port with another device (printer). The same message popped up. That the device could not be located on my computer. I put two and two together that it wasn't the cord it was the port itself. Frustration bound I called best buy, who of course told me that I would have to come in and get a diagnostic test on the computer before they could do anything.
I nixed that idea and instead called Compaq (my computer brand) to better understand the issue. The number that I found (before my computer completely crashed) directed me to a company called IYOGI. I have never heard of this company before. But all of the IT questions located on the Compaq site leaded me there. The first time I called, the sales person blamed my USB problem on me, and then insured me that if I paid him 139.99 that he would fix the problem I had created for myself. I told him, I'd call him back in an hour. I never did.
But then on Friday, my computer completely froze as I was listening to a Dixie Chicks song. I blame you Natalie Maines! I immediately shut my computer down the illegal way, and then tried to restart it. But I got nothing. I mean absolutely nothing. My computer went from working to not working in a matter of seconds. I paced. I wanted to cry. I paced again. I realized I had no pants on and then paced again. I didn't go to sleep that night. I watched my lifeless computer the whole night wondering how I was (am) going to pay to get it fixed.
The next day I called best buy, asked them my computer issue and then decided I would go to them. Yes, it is going to cost me 69.95 to get a diagnostic test and another 129.00 to restart XP (if that is the case) but what am I suppose to do, pay 139.99 for IYOGI to fix it ? Wait. This would be the cheaper alternative. This would save me money. And IYOGI is for a whole year, so if I ever encounter a software related problem I can call them. YEAH!
That's what I thought when I called them up Saturday night. I talked to an okay sales associate who ensured me that I was making the right decision. As he was processing my debit card information, he asked me about my email address. He said it was an interesting name and then I said it was from a band. As I was waiting for him to take the money out of my account he kept asking me information outside of computer related stuff. This made me nervous for some reason.
I still do not know if he was trying to be friendly or what but the moment he started going on a tangent about music I started to get concerned. Who the fuck was I talking to. Where they even a legit company. I didn't have Internet access to check them out, and why was he so interested in talking about Guns N Roses. Not that I am not a fan or anything, but dammit it all to hell if I am forking over 140 bucks to someone I don't know, I want them to kind of be professional. PROFESSIONAL!
The nail in the coffin came when he started talking about Jay-Z, an artist I have no issues with. I have danced to some of his songs myself in my room, but when the guy on the other end said "Jay-Z. Yeah he is the shit!", red flags started raising. I have never had this feeling before. My stomach dropped. For the first time ever, I felt real fear. Maybe I wasn't talking to who I thought I was talking to. I did find this number off the Internet. Maybe the whole thing is a scam and I have just willingly given a person I don't know all of my debit card information. A person who says "Jay-Z" is the shit to a customer.
He knew he made a mistake because then he returned to regular sales person voice. But by then I was all kinds of freaked out, and told him I didn't want to purchase the year insurance to fix my computer. But I got this response from him: "but Beckett, I'm sorry. I've already taken the money out. Too late!". I started freaking out, I hung up the phone and began to dial bank of America, for them to freeze my account. But the moment I hit the number pad on my phone, the phone rang like something out of a scary movie. 'Why did you hang up the phone' the voice yells back at me. Yells!
"Who the hell are you people!" I yell back, repeating that he just said Jay-Z was the shit. Before he can utter another word I say "your supervisor. NOW!". He transfers me to a manager who seems pretty appalled by the agents un-professionalism and ensures me that this will never happen again. But I am livid. I feel violated. And I want my motherfucking money back.
Of course, I then spent the next 2 days! on the phone with these people, explaining why I want my money back. The answers ranged from 'we don't give refunds' to 'call this number'. I was on hold a total of 12 hours, spoke to about 12 people, and cursed out 2 managers.
Today I woke up and my money is back in my account. I'm a lot tougher than I thought I was. I have won the battle! I am all bruised and worn out, but dammit I have my money back. But my computer still doesn't work and taking it to best buy is going to cost me a pretty penny. A pretty penny. I can't afford this. I have rent to pay, and this week is another 3 days of work. Now it's time to beg my mom to help me out with this. Yeah, I'm working the mom angle on this one.
If it is the software it will cost me 129.00, if it is the hard drive (please don't let it be that), it will cost me 80+50+129.00 dollars. which is 2X the amount I want to pay. Please be the software, purty please.
I will be away from the computer for awhile. I hate coming to the library. But will try to at least until my computer works. Fingers crossed. I'll need it.
But my math lessons from school paid off. Or maybe that's science lessons. Instead of buying a new usb cord I tried to use the usb port with another device (printer). The same message popped up. That the device could not be located on my computer. I put two and two together that it wasn't the cord it was the port itself. Frustration bound I called best buy, who of course told me that I would have to come in and get a diagnostic test on the computer before they could do anything.
I nixed that idea and instead called Compaq (my computer brand) to better understand the issue. The number that I found (before my computer completely crashed) directed me to a company called IYOGI. I have never heard of this company before. But all of the IT questions located on the Compaq site leaded me there. The first time I called, the sales person blamed my USB problem on me, and then insured me that if I paid him 139.99 that he would fix the problem I had created for myself. I told him, I'd call him back in an hour. I never did.
But then on Friday, my computer completely froze as I was listening to a Dixie Chicks song. I blame you Natalie Maines! I immediately shut my computer down the illegal way, and then tried to restart it. But I got nothing. I mean absolutely nothing. My computer went from working to not working in a matter of seconds. I paced. I wanted to cry. I paced again. I realized I had no pants on and then paced again. I didn't go to sleep that night. I watched my lifeless computer the whole night wondering how I was (am) going to pay to get it fixed.
The next day I called best buy, asked them my computer issue and then decided I would go to them. Yes, it is going to cost me 69.95 to get a diagnostic test and another 129.00 to restart XP (if that is the case) but what am I suppose to do, pay 139.99 for IYOGI to fix it ? Wait. This would be the cheaper alternative. This would save me money. And IYOGI is for a whole year, so if I ever encounter a software related problem I can call them. YEAH!
That's what I thought when I called them up Saturday night. I talked to an okay sales associate who ensured me that I was making the right decision. As he was processing my debit card information, he asked me about my email address. He said it was an interesting name and then I said it was from a band. As I was waiting for him to take the money out of my account he kept asking me information outside of computer related stuff. This made me nervous for some reason.
I still do not know if he was trying to be friendly or what but the moment he started going on a tangent about music I started to get concerned. Who the fuck was I talking to. Where they even a legit company. I didn't have Internet access to check them out, and why was he so interested in talking about Guns N Roses. Not that I am not a fan or anything, but dammit it all to hell if I am forking over 140 bucks to someone I don't know, I want them to kind of be professional. PROFESSIONAL!
The nail in the coffin came when he started talking about Jay-Z, an artist I have no issues with. I have danced to some of his songs myself in my room, but when the guy on the other end said "Jay-Z. Yeah he is the shit!", red flags started raising. I have never had this feeling before. My stomach dropped. For the first time ever, I felt real fear. Maybe I wasn't talking to who I thought I was talking to. I did find this number off the Internet. Maybe the whole thing is a scam and I have just willingly given a person I don't know all of my debit card information. A person who says "Jay-Z" is the shit to a customer.
He knew he made a mistake because then he returned to regular sales person voice. But by then I was all kinds of freaked out, and told him I didn't want to purchase the year insurance to fix my computer. But I got this response from him: "but Beckett, I'm sorry. I've already taken the money out. Too late!". I started freaking out, I hung up the phone and began to dial bank of America, for them to freeze my account. But the moment I hit the number pad on my phone, the phone rang like something out of a scary movie. 'Why did you hang up the phone' the voice yells back at me. Yells!
"Who the hell are you people!" I yell back, repeating that he just said Jay-Z was the shit. Before he can utter another word I say "your supervisor. NOW!". He transfers me to a manager who seems pretty appalled by the agents un-professionalism and ensures me that this will never happen again. But I am livid. I feel violated. And I want my motherfucking money back.
Of course, I then spent the next 2 days! on the phone with these people, explaining why I want my money back. The answers ranged from 'we don't give refunds' to 'call this number'. I was on hold a total of 12 hours, spoke to about 12 people, and cursed out 2 managers.
Today I woke up and my money is back in my account. I'm a lot tougher than I thought I was. I have won the battle! I am all bruised and worn out, but dammit I have my money back. But my computer still doesn't work and taking it to best buy is going to cost me a pretty penny. A pretty penny. I can't afford this. I have rent to pay, and this week is another 3 days of work. Now it's time to beg my mom to help me out with this. Yeah, I'm working the mom angle on this one.
If it is the software it will cost me 129.00, if it is the hard drive (please don't let it be that), it will cost me 80+50+129.00 dollars. which is 2X the amount I want to pay. Please be the software, purty please.
I will be away from the computer for awhile. I hate coming to the library. But will try to at least until my computer works. Fingers crossed. I'll need it.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
Yeah, Well You're Pissing Me Off Too!
There is some upcoming drama in the air. Yikes.
I no longer have a crush on McAbs. There are several reasons this crush thing fizzled out. 1) He has a girlfriend. I know this has not stopped me before (from crushing, nothing more) but for some reason this has deterred me from him. 2) He's domineering and aggressive. Which is all good in those trashy romance books I read, but in real life, it can be annoying and dumb. 3) out of crushing on him, he is a guy of a million promises and no follow through. He has offered me rides home in the past weeks and then gone back on his words. That microwave he said he could get me, well that didn't pan out. He said he had to give it to someone else.
And then....Sunday he asked me if I wanted a cat. McAbs is huge on cats. I think he likes them more than I do. He is a Leo, and he takes that astrological sign to heart if he knows it or not. I have seen him in the presence of feline friends and he dissolves from being McAbs to something else. He is patient and soothing as he calls the animal towards him, and before you know it there the stray comes, tentative and lost, but towards him as if she knows he will take care of her. It was the most bizarre (and hot) thing I have ever seen.
So I was flattered when he came to me with a cat dilemma. Seems like his sister got a stray a couple of weeks ago. The cat is gentle and sweet and couldn't hurt a fly. Well it could but only because it's a cat. Unfortunately she cannot keep the cat, and McAbs can't keep it but he doesn't want the cat to go to a shelter. He knew that I was a previous cat owner and that he's 'known me for nine months' and that I couldn't hurt a fly. I mean I could but only because I don't like bugs.
He was on his knees (cleaning something) and I was standing above him, dreaming of his abs and muscles. He came to me because I am good with pets. And I am a good person. And I could name him jack like my favorite person in the whole entire world. I told him that I would have to think about it. I mean I just moved into a new place which isn't entirely my own. I can't afford a cat. I barely can afford to feed myself. But I would see if my landlady (who has cats) would want another in the litter.
'i'm not giving her the cat. I want you to have it. What do you say?". I'm a girl, his muscles distracted me. I didn't say no, but I sure as hell didn't say yes. I had to think it over, because I do want a cat. But can I afford one now? Would the landlady agree to have another cat in her home? Where would the cat sleep? Eat? Do it's cat business?
By the time I got home, I concluded that though I would love to have a cat, I can't have one now. I am in no position to take care of another living being. When I get a cat. I want it to be able to have space to roam, and sleep, and do it's cat things. I don't want to have it secluded to one room.
The next day I told the janitor that I couldn't have a cat. My landlady already has three, I live in a room, and it just wouldn't work. I sort of swung the landlady angle a lot more than my own 'I'm broke' truth. He asked if he could talk to the landlady about the cat. I told him it wouldn't do him any good because she speaks a little English. He asked me about her native language. And when I say Portuguese his face lights up. His sisters husband is Portuguese (great) and he can talk to her (even better). I say I don't know. I mean I still can't have a cat. I'm broke. broke. but he doesn't hear this or doesn't want to.
A couple of days ago he sent me a text about the cat situation. That I should call him ASAP. But I was out. I was having an okay social time with a friend. I didn't want to drop what I was doing, call him to talk about a cat I don't want. So I didn't call back. And I haven't heard from him since.
We work together on Saturday and I know he is going to be pissed. I have the scene in my head. He is going to come in on Saturday, give me a piss face, and then display his anger out on me until I go home. He is expecting me to fell sorry or guilty or worse. But you know what he should have never put me inn that position. I never said I wanted that cat. I said I wanted A cat in the near future. But not today. And maybe I wasn't clear about that, but I asserted the whole "i live in a room. One room. In a house. How could I take care of a cat"
I needed a microwave. I needed a ride home that night it was pouring outside. I don't need a cat. Sure I want one. I would love to have one. But right now, it was the dumbest thing I could do (outside of having a crush on a dude because he has nice muscles). And I sort of want him to be all pissy with me on Saturday (away from the managers of course) because you know what I am going to be pissy back. He shouldn't have made me Joan of the Cats. He shouldn't have expected me to pull him out of a jam, especially if that could jeopardize my current living situation.
I am not looking forward to Saturday. He thinks he has me all figured and maybe he does. But I won't let him make me feel like the wrongdoer in this. I just have to remember this on Saturday, when he pulls me aside to talk.
I no longer have a crush on McAbs. There are several reasons this crush thing fizzled out. 1) He has a girlfriend. I know this has not stopped me before (from crushing, nothing more) but for some reason this has deterred me from him. 2) He's domineering and aggressive. Which is all good in those trashy romance books I read, but in real life, it can be annoying and dumb. 3) out of crushing on him, he is a guy of a million promises and no follow through. He has offered me rides home in the past weeks and then gone back on his words. That microwave he said he could get me, well that didn't pan out. He said he had to give it to someone else.
And then....Sunday he asked me if I wanted a cat. McAbs is huge on cats. I think he likes them more than I do. He is a Leo, and he takes that astrological sign to heart if he knows it or not. I have seen him in the presence of feline friends and he dissolves from being McAbs to something else. He is patient and soothing as he calls the animal towards him, and before you know it there the stray comes, tentative and lost, but towards him as if she knows he will take care of her. It was the most bizarre (and hot) thing I have ever seen.
So I was flattered when he came to me with a cat dilemma. Seems like his sister got a stray a couple of weeks ago. The cat is gentle and sweet and couldn't hurt a fly. Well it could but only because it's a cat. Unfortunately she cannot keep the cat, and McAbs can't keep it but he doesn't want the cat to go to a shelter. He knew that I was a previous cat owner and that he's 'known me for nine months' and that I couldn't hurt a fly. I mean I could but only because I don't like bugs.
He was on his knees (cleaning something) and I was standing above him, dreaming of his abs and muscles. He came to me because I am good with pets. And I am a good person. And I could name him jack like my favorite person in the whole entire world. I told him that I would have to think about it. I mean I just moved into a new place which isn't entirely my own. I can't afford a cat. I barely can afford to feed myself. But I would see if my landlady (who has cats) would want another in the litter.
'i'm not giving her the cat. I want you to have it. What do you say?". I'm a girl, his muscles distracted me. I didn't say no, but I sure as hell didn't say yes. I had to think it over, because I do want a cat. But can I afford one now? Would the landlady agree to have another cat in her home? Where would the cat sleep? Eat? Do it's cat business?
By the time I got home, I concluded that though I would love to have a cat, I can't have one now. I am in no position to take care of another living being. When I get a cat. I want it to be able to have space to roam, and sleep, and do it's cat things. I don't want to have it secluded to one room.
The next day I told the janitor that I couldn't have a cat. My landlady already has three, I live in a room, and it just wouldn't work. I sort of swung the landlady angle a lot more than my own 'I'm broke' truth. He asked if he could talk to the landlady about the cat. I told him it wouldn't do him any good because she speaks a little English. He asked me about her native language. And when I say Portuguese his face lights up. His sisters husband is Portuguese (great) and he can talk to her (even better). I say I don't know. I mean I still can't have a cat. I'm broke. broke. but he doesn't hear this or doesn't want to.
A couple of days ago he sent me a text about the cat situation. That I should call him ASAP. But I was out. I was having an okay social time with a friend. I didn't want to drop what I was doing, call him to talk about a cat I don't want. So I didn't call back. And I haven't heard from him since.
We work together on Saturday and I know he is going to be pissed. I have the scene in my head. He is going to come in on Saturday, give me a piss face, and then display his anger out on me until I go home. He is expecting me to fell sorry or guilty or worse. But you know what he should have never put me inn that position. I never said I wanted that cat. I said I wanted A cat in the near future. But not today. And maybe I wasn't clear about that, but I asserted the whole "i live in a room. One room. In a house. How could I take care of a cat"
I needed a microwave. I needed a ride home that night it was pouring outside. I don't need a cat. Sure I want one. I would love to have one. But right now, it was the dumbest thing I could do (outside of having a crush on a dude because he has nice muscles). And I sort of want him to be all pissy with me on Saturday (away from the managers of course) because you know what I am going to be pissy back. He shouldn't have made me Joan of the Cats. He shouldn't have expected me to pull him out of a jam, especially if that could jeopardize my current living situation.
I am not looking forward to Saturday. He thinks he has me all figured and maybe he does. But I won't let him make me feel like the wrongdoer in this. I just have to remember this on Saturday, when he pulls me aside to talk.
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