Sunday, May 04, 2014

Lord Give Me Strength Part Deux

Me: I don't think i've ever seen you happy. Not as happy as you've told people you are?

Sean: I believe you are correct

Me: Then what are you doing? 
Me: Why are you doing this?

Sean: not many people see that i am more likely neutral or insanely pissed off but hide it behind an act of laughter and jackassery

Sean: but you're wrong too?

Me: how am i wrong about this [his engagement/unhappiness]?

Sean: u have seen me genuinely happy, because u've made me genuinely happy

Me: I don't know what i'm supposed to do Sean. You've put me in a weird position.

Sean: i think i should come home and talk to u face to face if u want

Me: And what will you say

Sean: I will say words, like always.

[End Chat Session]


MaryPoppins said...

He's trying to suck you back in to his vortex...

kittens not kids said...

oh for fucksake.

okay. here is the teen/college-age kittensnotkids version of this shit. Met this guy, actually my best friend's older brother. super-click. first person I ever felt was actually *like me.* he & his gf were split because of dumb stuff. i was just about 17 & a moron. weeks of intense talking/hanging out. then guy: i really should be dating you but i put all this time into being with the gf...and they got back together. in college, guy & me emailed multiple times a day, almost every single day. super-intense. lots of "you are so awesome you understand me better than anyone you are the most amazing girl" and complaints about gf. lots of "you know me better than she does." etc. etc. this went on for years. then: oh they're engaged. he never seemed happy. he talked about getting married like it was this inevitable thing he had no control over. then they got married. i went to the wedding. i was dating the lawyer by then. in the receiving line at the church he gave me a hug then snapped at new-now-wife when she huffed about it. and then....nothing really. things trailed off. and now they have been married for almost 14 years and have 3 kids and evidently everything is just happy in the garden.
SO: there is my cautionary tale for you. admittedly we were all younger while this horseshit was going on, but it was the same horseshit as you get from sean. doesn't mean he'll follow the same path as my guy did, but it's very possible he will. i never forced the issue, in person, explicitly, with my guy, and it seems like, at some point in the first year or two, if i HAD, things could have gone very differently. but who knows? anyway: either force it explicitly, in person, with sean, or cut that fucker out of your heart.