As of last Wednesday I am no longer an employee at Le Sad Store. I seriously thought I would never ever get to say those words out loud. It still feels pretty weird.

My decision to quit was a long time coming of course. Since I started working there six years ago (yep six whole years!) i have hated my job in retail. Were it not for the friends I made I would have burned out from that job a lot sooner than I did. It has taken me some time to realize that a place does not make a home. Because my family moved often I can't say I have ever felt an attachment to a place. I used to believe I did. I used to believed I had a fondness for towns and houses or apartments or buildings because they held memories.

But now that I am older I think that fondness had more to do with the people who inhabited those places. It was more of a right time, right place sort of thing not so much the places themselves, you know.  And that's what Le Sad Store was for me. I was attached to the people more-so than the job or my position. Because if I can be honest the job effing blows and being a bookseller made me quite the shitty reader. And towards the end I wasn't even a great employee. I wasn't terrible, I showed up, helped customers, cleaned up but I spent more time hanging out in aisles or the back of the store or even the break room. I was never where i was supposed to be because helping customers was the least of my concerns.

I only looked forward to going to work because my friends were there. The work itself was too demanding for how little we were paid and I fear I will always twitch when I pass a Le Sad Store. Anyway, after Sean and Kat left I really didn't have any other reason to stick around. I only worked two nights a week and now that I live in a different town the commute was ridiculous. I am still trying to get use to public transportation (until i can afford a car) but I will never get used or comfortable to take the bus home at 11pm with a series of sketchy men and women on their way home. Google the song "freak comes out a night". That song represents my adventures on public transportation at night. Hilarious and scary.

I was tempted to stay on seasonally to reap the benefits of my employee discount around Christmas time but the store got a new store manager who i refused to work for. Ever. He has hit on every girl/woman who works there and uses his large size to intimidate anyone who seems uncomfortable with his sexual advances. While I am small in stature I do not put up with rapey vibes from people in power and gave him as much attitude as I could without getting fired. On my last night I reported him, anonymously, to our company, you know as a parting gift, by  writing a scathing email about the store manager and his sexual harassment of his female employees.

I then cat-walked out of the store forever with dramatic music playing in the background and smoke emanating from the shelves. Like the boss ass bitch i am....okay my actual exit wasn't that dramatic but it should have been. I actually limped out (i sprained my ankle two weeks ago) while my co-workers wished me the best of luck and encouraged me to visit when i can.

While I am more than happy with my decision to quit, I must admit adjusting to life without the memories of that place is weird. A year ago my days revolved around when I was going to be at the store. Now, my current day to day routine involves waking up at 8 so that i can shower, eat, watch tv before I need to catch the shuttle at 10:30 that drives me to work. The shuttle only makes a few runs from the Undergrad campus to the Grad campus daily so I have to catch this bus even though I don't start my shift until 1.

I get to school, hang out in the library for an hour and then eat lunch; which i now bring from home like some weird adult, because eating from the cafeteria is expensive and I need to save money. After my lunch is consumed I start my four hour shift at work which, if we aren't busy, usually involves listening to pod casts or writing silly stories. I catch the bus after 5pm and head home to clean, read and prepare for the next day. I talk and text, I make myself dinner, check messages and email, and settle down in my jammies so I can marathon Cupcake Wars on Netflix until i fall asleep. It's oddly domestic.

Don't get me wrong, my new found domesticity excites me. I am still very much a social person. I hang out with friends and have plans and am enjoying my life and independence. I am excelling at weekends and activity...the week days, not so much. This year has been nothing like the previous one and I marvel at what a difference a whole year has made. I am not lonely but some times I feel more alone this year than I have since Marie passed away. The chaos and noise was a distraction and I am beginning to miss distraction in favor of this slight isolation.

I know that things are a million times better than they have been. I continue to be excited over my small triumphs and successes. I love living on my own and the responsibility that comes with it. I got a minor cold this weekend and instinctively went to the medicine cabinet for drugs. Of course because I am use to things just being there when I need it, I was confused and shocked to realize that my medicine cabinet was empty of anything useful so I had to go to the super market and stock up on medicine. I've never done that before!

While I am not trying to measure the experiences against each other, I am aware of them. Every freaking day. And a huge part of my life was that store and now, that too, is gone. I have outgrown it like i seem to be outgrowing a lot of things.