Going Through the Motions.

Apparently my weekend was so awesome it has caused me to be MIA for a little bit. Sorry. I am suffering from a bad case of lethargy these days, and the weekend away from Le Sad Store has only added to this.

It's a brutal mix of 'I know I should be doing something but I'm really not feeling up to it'. While I celebrated the beginning of the month with a band (birthday, new job prospect, fire in my belly) and I am ending it on a much somber note (impending snow storm, more Le Sad Store bs, nervous belly).

I guess that march "comes in like a lion out like a lamb' phrase not only applies to the weather. Maybe it's stress. Maybe it's ennui (a word I like a lot). Maybe it's my want for things to be so much better than they are now but inability to make it so. Nonetheless I am restless, out of sorts of just going through the motions these days.

I think the weekend has something to do it. My two days of complete solitude were amazing. I lounged and danced and wished beyond hope that I could have more weekends where I am not at Le Sad Store. I venture outside of Saturday to collect some food from the grocery store. I may not know how to shop for clothes or shoes but when it comes to food and books (and music) I am awesome. It's as simple as that.

I headed to the supermarket extra early and bought fresh fruits and granola. I also picked up pretzels for my mason jar project. When I got home, I cleaned my very disgusting room and spent the rest of my day dancing uncontrollably and singing rather loudly.

When Sunday rolled around I had no plans outside of reading and listening to an album from the first track to the last. I have a tendency of buying only singles and the bulk of the albums on my itunes playlist are incomplete. So I spent Sunday listening to my archives. Coldplay's Parachute, Edie Brickell Shooting Rubberbands and Beach House Teen Dream.

When Sunday night came to a close I fought sleep. And not because the weekend was ending, I am use to that. But because I won't have another one until a) I get a new job or b) request another one off until I get a new job. I fear I won't have another weekend like that for a very longn time and there is something very upsetting about that.

When I finally succumb to sleep and Monday rolled around the cycle of worrying about things that I need to be worrying about began. So yeah, I've been a little out of it these days. I feel wayward and generally disinterested in things. And not in a depressive sort of way. I know they share similar characteristics but this is just general lack of focus and motivation this week.

I'm hoping my few plans for the weekend (two very different parties, one that I am definitely attending that other I will decide tomorrow night) will put me in a better and more active mood. And yeah, I definitely want and need to write more. I hate feeling sluggish. I hate not having the 'you can do it' fire in my belly. But after the awesomeness that was the month of March I can understand why my energy has been a little lately. It'll perk back up soon. I promise.

~Becks

Oh, and there is a dating debate going around that has me all sorts of confused lately. Apparently Dating is dead according to USA Today and Blue suggested that it's because the girls you want to date are in relationships and the ones who are available are single for a reason. WTF? This is a very guy centric view that is both grating and unnerving. I keep hearing that song by Dean Martin "You're Nobody Til' Somebody Loves You" which seems to suggest Blue's thought process but I don't think dating is dead. And single girls are not single because they aren't worthy of being with someone. Oh Blue, you have so much to learn.

I'll write more about this tomorrow.

Cheers to the Weekend.

I can't believe I really have Saturday and Sunday off. I keep checking the time to make sure I am not late for work or some other nonsense only to realize that for the next two days I do not have to worry about being anywhere but home. It's the greatest feeling in the whole entire world.



I had quite the panic attack yesterday which made me even more ready for a few days to myself. Anyone dealing with any sort of anxiety is aware that panic attacks come with the package. My panic attacks have been less frequent since college. I haven't hid in any bathrooms to escape crowds in a very long time. You might not think this is huge but for me it is.



This doesn't mean that I don't suffer from a panic attack every now and then. I mean I am still very socially anxious. Large crowds turn my stomach into jelly and I have this unfounded endless thought that I am not interesting around other people.I often feel threatened when I am in a group of more than five people because I don't think I am interesting enough to hold anyone's attention. Like if we were on a desert island that for some reason could only sustain four people I would be booted off first because I have nothing to offer, not even great conversation.



It's illogical thinking. I know this. I do. But my brain doesn't. While social anxiety, for me, has a lot to do with my discomfort in large crowds it has more to do with my inability to separate myself from the constant thoughts that people are judging me. I have obsessive thoughts about perceptions (damn you high school) and that the person I think I am is not the person coming across to the people I am around. That that person is a lame awkward duck.



I am trying to bring some congruency to my life. I am trying to merge the two me's together into one whole congruent person. But it's hard. Especially because congruency often times means not over thinking things (which I do a lot), loosening up the reigns (but i adore control) and remembering how to breathe (but how do you do so underwater).



So having a panic attack yesterday (at work have you) felt like some huge setback. It was as crowded as crowded could be in Le Sad Store. On Fridays it's as if people got out of work early just to terrorize the store. While I like working in the kids department the amount of parents letting their children destroy the department was overwhelming. As a person who loves control, yesterday felt chaotic.



Trying to maintain a clean store was thrown out the window when parents from hell came in to the store with their evil spawn. They destroyed the place in a matter of hours. While the moms and dads drank their lattes and discussed plans for the summer, their babies went ape shit. They ran all over the place, throwing books on the floor, screaming, destroying merchandise. I went over to the area where they all were sitting and start cleaning up in hopes that this would inspire the parents to start picking up after their children. But no. They sort of looked at me as if I were hired helped and went about their business.



I felt so powerless. So powerless I was overcome with pangs of anxious thoughts. I felt a surge of jittery jitterness. Compounded with rapid thoughts that I'd lost control of the situation. I left the department for air, came back and felt myself tearing up. For the first time in a long time I wanted to hide in the bathroom. But the bathroom was full. So I went in the 'employee only' hallway. My chest felt tight. My palms were sweaty. And I could think only of my inability to assert myself better in the situation.



I was having an attack. An all too familiar one. Anxiety will always have a hold of me? Won't she.



I called the manager just as I was near tears hoping someone could explain to me why 'we' are not allowed to tell customers they can't let their kids play in the store like animals. Our new manager Dan picked up, trying to calm me down over the phone. I apologized profusely for the department being a mess but that being unable to approach customers anymore (a dumb ass policy) in regards to disruptions in the store isn't effective, especially in the kids department where this would be useful.

He first told me to breathe followed by reassurances that it was not the end of the world (shit happens, people are animals, you leave in what '10 minutes'? Do youre best and enjoy your weekend from the crazy place kid). Oh and 'breathe beckett'. I calmed down some, hung up the phone, wrote the closing kids department person a note explaining the mess and ran out of work faster than I have ever.


The whole experience left me depleted. Or more correctly 'beat to shit'. Chaos that is not my own destroys me. I have a small sliver of control in the kids department when there aren't a billion fucking people destroying it. But alas, that was not the case and I will never completely understand people's lack of consideration. I am always (to a fault) so conscious of other people I couldn't imagine not having empathy for someone yet alone create a mess and not take care of it.

And for some reason the more I encounter these situations which remind me that people are assholes, the more my idea that people are amazing diminishes. The more it sort of feeds into my already anxious, black and white, illogical thoughts about myself.

And still having to deal with panic attacks because of shit like this only makes it worse.


So yeah, I am very excited about having the next two days to myself. I won't mind not being around people for a while. I bought a bunch of mason-isque jars the other day because I want to fill them with edible goodies. And it is a way for me to add color to my room using food. Outside of cleaning my very junky room, I will go shopping for almonds, cranberries and granola mainly because I like all of those things and they will look great in glass jars.

I'm such a nerd.

Good Grief March.

That last two days I have woken up to the sight of snow outside. What the hell march, I thought the saying was in like a 'lion out like a lamb' not 'in like a lion out like the terrain where polar bears roam'. It's kind of bizarre

The last few days have been a little hectic. Angie was suppose to come up this weekend for round two of our Nerd Day in the City Extravaganza. But, I wasn't really feeling the idea of having her in my space for a few days. The last time she came up we generally had a really good time. But she complained about her current situation (suckass job, suckass relationship, suckass everything) the whole weekend. While I am a fan of bitching there comes a certain point where you have to man up or stop talking about how crappy everyhing is. Especially to me.

I am pretty much in the same boat she is. This is why we bonded so easily when she started working at Le Sad Store. Angie is funny and intelligent and a really cool girl to know. I sometimes wish we would have gotten an apartment together instead of her moving back to the Midwest before she eventually setting in DC.


But lately I've come to the realization that our friendships hangs on the similarities of our very desperate situation (a need for a new job + more money). But where Angie is wallowing in anxiety I am actually succeeding in the optimism department. Despite this latest rejection I have a strong felling that I am weeks away from a new job. Somewhere.

I can't explain it. I just feel as if things are finally falling into place. I love living in New York, I love being surrounded by beautiful things to discover (and take pictures of). Sure money is a huge concern for me, sure I will have to find a way to balance a social life with my passionate pursuits to write and enjoy solitude. But I know I can do it.


So sometimes, it can be quite the downer talking to Angie when all she wants to discuss are the pains of life. And she keeps saying things like "I don't know how you do what you do in New York' without a well paying job'. Yeah. Thanks. That makes me feel all sorts of great.

My therapist once said that I have a tendenacy of not being in the moment. That my constant need to prepare for things often means I am not just enjoying 'right now'. It's true. I am always a million steps ahead (mentally) with plans for the future. I spend a lot of time imagining what my life 5 years from now will look like that I am not present to my life now. It often makes me very nostaglic for things I missed out on.

The present is hectic and shaky. Sometimes it sucks hard and more than every I feel like I am the struggling artist I never want to be. But I want to look back on these days with fondness not with a sense that I missed out on my 20's. And I sure as hell don't want to spend the bulk of it complaining about what I don't have.

So I cancelled plans with Angie, because I knew that is what we would have spent the whole week doing. She even said this. We can talk about 'how horrible things are'. No thank you. Instead will have the weekend all to myself. Enjoying some down time and finishing up some projects around the house. I've had to take on more days this week though to compensate for my weekend off, so i've had a lot less me time to sit, write and reflect. My apologies.

But it will be worth it. I haven't had a proper weekend off since college. I am very excited. I wanted to see Jane Eyre this weekend in the city but decided against that because it will cost me more to get to the city than the cost of admission to see the movie. Instead I will stay close to home. While I am not all for spring cleaning, I do want to perk up my room especially since the sun (wherever you are) is about these days. My room is awesome. Hardwood floors, old school, windows with lace curtains and built in shelves to store my hoards of books.

Unfortunately I am bit of a mess. The room is chaotic and in serious need of some TLC. While I can't go all out and decorate as I would like to, I want to buy a few items to welcome in the spring. I'm just in the mood for some sort of subtle newness. Nothing major but something to add to the mix, something that will brighten up the space. Maybe i'll buy a plant.


I've also been cooking up a storm these days especially in the mornings when I have the house to myself. I may be the only human being who loves cooking for one, but so be it. I made a delicious Parmesan noodle dish the other day that still has my stomach growling in happiness. I made it while wearing a new dress and slippers I bought from H&M (thanks K!) and and minutes away from venturing to the kitchen again to cook up something else.


Things are good. Things are better. And when this snow finally melts it'll feel like spring here with all of it's beautiful and subtle newness. I have the urge to come up with spring activities that will get me out of the house and into the fresh air. For once, I am actually looking forward to it.



~Becks.

Yeah, Yeah, Yeah...

Dear Beckett,

Thank you so much for your patience while we finished up our interview process. You've achieved so much thus far, and your resume is exceptional. It was an extremely hard decision to make, but we ended up going in another direction. We greatly enjoyed meeting with you and truly wish you the best.

Sincerely,

Waxman Literary Agency.

...seriously after all this i'm sort of glad i didn't get it. Get up, brush myself off, the search still continues.

Social Butterfly.

I have been a very busy little lady these days.

I wish I could contribute my sudden flurry of activity to my awesome new job! But that has not been the case. In fact I don't think I got the job at the literary agency.

A couple of days ago, because I continue to search for a job despite this recent interview, I stumbled across a re posting of the position i interviewed for on the interweb. On the same damn website I saw it on two weeks ago. No lie.

Last Thursday the post was removed, which gave me hope that my interview was a successful. That lady luck was finally on my side and Possible New Boss was so impressed by my awesomeness that no more candidates needed to be interviewed for the position.

But on Monday, I came across the re posting of the job opening. Same description, same contact information, same agency. Needless to say my frustration level hit an all time high.

Marie has been really supportive lately, reminding me that maybe the company just wants to shop around some more before hiring someone immediately. This is true. I mean hiring someone is not as easy as liking them. You have to be sure they can do the job well and to be honest I wouldn't want to work for a place that wasn't a 100% sure of my competency (funny coming from a girl who just a week ago was freaking out about my competency). But the fact that they are still shopping around means that they are not sure about me or the other candidates who interviewed for the position. That while I may have been awesome I am not a shoe in.

So while I have not received a rejection letter or email I don' think i will be the new assistant at with this agency. That also means that I too am still on the market for a new job. Damn. I've applied to three jobs this week and hope to hear something back soon. I don't want to wallow too much in this latest stumble, the big D is a terrible thing.

In the meantime though I have been trying to have more of a social life than I do now. It is both distracting me from the stress that is job hunting and lifting my spirits more than i could have imagined. On Monday I hung out with a friend from work where we lamented about the urgency for which we need a better job that pays more. On Tuesday my aunt took me out for a birthday lunch (two weeks a little late but whatever) where we ate fondue and cheesecake. And today i hung out with a friend from my childhood who I have not seen in 15 years. It was surreal.

Back when I was a sophomore in college, a pre-med major and living a floor down from Art Boy I received a facebook email from a girl I knew in Elementary school. She was literally my first school and real life friend. On the first day of kindergarten she was playing with the building blocks all by herself. I walked up to her, asked her if I could play too and from there she was my best friend.

When I conjure up my memories of childhood she makes up a huge chunk of those days. She was an awesome first friend, with bright red hair and freckles. We were like sisters. Her parents took us to movies and dinner and I spent countless weekends at her house. I remember never wanting to leave her house, not because I disliked my home life so much, but because her family welcomed me into theirs as if I were a part of the clan.

When I moved to a new town in the 3rd grade our friendship did not survive the transition. Not because I didn't want to be her friend anymore but because when you're young you don't have a concept of staying in touch. Your friends are your friends because they are people you are always around. Not necessarily because you realize you enjoy being around them. But as time has passed, I realize she was truly a pivotal person in me being a happy, well rounded kid. She was the person I got along with more than others. And our friendship has been the basis of what I want from people now.

As soon as I moved up here, I've often thought of reconnecting with her. I mean being someones friend on facebook and interacting with them on a daily basis can be quite different. A lot of my 'friends' from childhood have become people I would not hang out outside of social networking sites. While their faces are familiar the lives they live are so distant from mine we are worse off than strangers.

But she and I have kept in touch since first reconnecting over the web. We have made attempts to hang out together and meet up since I moved up here a few years ago. And finally after 15 years we did so today. And while it was quite nerve racking in the beginning, 'what do you say to someone you haven't seen in 15 years', we had an amazing time. We got some drinks at Starbucks and then went to a diner to grab lunch.

We have a lot in common along with distinct experiences that give us character. We found it easy to pick up right where we left off from and we both found common ground in our general excitement at reconnecting. She is quirky and real and hella funny and I like that we both admitted our nervousness.

It was weird sitting across from the person you only have childhood memories of. I have spent the better part of my 'adult' life reminiscing about my childhood. When i moved to south carolina I spent more time wondering what my life would have been like if we would have stayed.

But She did not have the ideal Middle School and High School experience I spent hours conjuring up during my darkest days in the south. High School was awful she had little to no friends and suffers from depression and anxiety. I regret now that I didn't enjoy my high school experience more because of my illogical assumptions. That my life would have been better in some way. But to hear her experience some of the same things I did in a place that I put on such a pedestal was...difficult. Good to hear but difficult.

We spent the rest of our day walking around and talking. We kept doing the 'what do you feel about____" game. We discussed everything from the Godfather to Nickleback. I now have to read Harry Potter and she is going to check out Doctor Who. I had so much fun I thought I'd imagined it all when I finally got home.

I'm happy to finally have a friend outside of work. Even if the friend is someone I've technically already been friends with. But in all honesty it's a little stressful only having my co-workers to hang out with especially when they are the only people I know in this town. Reconnecting with her feels right. Like whatever friendship comes of this will only be stronger because of our shared past yet different upbringing. We are planning more outings in the near future which I am generally looking forward to. She has a huge sweet tooth and knows a lot more about the city than I do.

I am now of course exhausted due to my week of activities. I plan on washing clothes tomorrow and reading Jane Eyre because I really want to see the movie. For some reason I keep getting Charlotte Bronte and Jane Austen all kinds of mixed up but Jane Eyre looks really amazing and I am a person who can't watch the movie unless I have read the book first. It's like the law.

So far I am not turned off by the book (which often happens when I even crack open an Austen book) and think I may be able to finish the lengthy thing by the end of the week. Angie was suppose to come down next weekend but I really don't have the money (or energy) to entertain anyone. So I asked her if we could reschedule, in April maybe when I have my shit together. She said it was cool which means I now have a weekend to myself because I requested those two days off weeks in advance.

Because Jane Eyre is playing only in select theaters I was thinking that I could go down to the city that weekend and see it. I want to grab breakfast first at the cafe I'm obsessed with and then watch Jane fall in love with Mr. Rochester (I think that's his name) at the theater near by.

I'd like a day to myself again. And I only feel a tab bit horrible for ditching plans with Angie in favor of hanging out by myself. Not that I haven't enjoyed these new social excursions but a day to myself would be nice.

Seriously.

Doubt Comes In.

So last night I had quite the panic attack.


A major, almost colossal breakdown of epic proportions.


The interview has been replaying in my mind a lot these days. Like a movie that I can't get out of my head. Like a scene that I have memorized line by line and camera angle by camera angle. Or worse like a song whose lyrics I am so caught up on, I sing it as much as I can until I get it right. Nope, I'm the only one who does that. Alrighty then.





While I am often times my own worst enemy (and critic) this meltdown had less to do with my feelings towards the interview itself. I did a good job. The moment I stepped out of the office into the barren hallway I felt like I had done my best.



I breathed a low sigh before getting into the elevator and changing out of my heels. I exited the building into the cool crisp air of a moody march morning and went in search of French Toast. I did my best, as I always do. I was honest and charming, which I can turn on when I need to.



The epic colossal breakdown of epic proportions which occurred had more to do with my worries of doing the job should i get it. The reality of actually getting this job is as terrifying as it is exciting. Towards the beginning of the interview my PNB (potential new boss) asked why I wanted to leave Le Sad Store especially since I've been there for two years. He actually said 'you seem to enjoy your current position, why are choosing to leave instead of making a long term opportunity out of it'.



My heart sort of sank. The suggestion that I would want to stay at Le Sad Store threw me off guard because it was the first thing he said to me. I had prepared for the 'tell me a little about yourself' question not this. I paused for a moment, because I didn't want to say the wrong thing. Sure, I appreciate my time at Le Sad Store. I really do. Even when it sucks I know that the things I have endured there has only made me stronger.



But being a lifelong bookseller is not my dream. It's actually a fear of mine. The fact that I have been there so long while other people have come and gone causes me great concern and sometimes sadness.



The other day my old friend Cello Girl walked by the store just as I was going in. She didn't see me and I barely recognized her because she look so different. So much more happier and stable. She was probably heading to her teaching gig in a town nearby and I was struck by how professional she looked. Professional and happy.



In fact when people who use to work at the store come by they always look a million times happier. And that's when or if they choose to stop by at all. Most of the times people who leave Le Sad Store leave permanently sometimes without even a 'we'll keep in touch'.



I am not surprised by this. While Le Sad Store is a fun place to work on the surface the crappy pay and slackerish responsibilities is soul crunching. The stress there has more to do with feelings of working a crappy retail job than anything else.



I could have said hi to Cello Girl. I could have called out her name and asked what was going on in her life. But I couldn't because outside of my great job interview i didn't feel like explaining my current situation. That while things are looking up I am still at the bookstore until I hear something back from PNJ. Wasn't really feeling that conversation at all.



My current job at the bookstore is so far from professional it hurts. Everyone who works there wants to be somewhere else. They are slackers (including myself to some degree) who simply needs a job to support their hobbies. Our new Assistant Manager is in a Band, 5 people (excluding myself) want to be writers, 3 people want to be graphic designers, Guy in music works at Le Sad store only for health care but has a career drawing graphic novels. We pair slacks or corduroy's with flannel shirts or covered rock tee's in order to present a level of professionalism. But even then it is a farce because we all bring jeans to change into once we clock out.

The bulk of us work there because the hours are flexible enough for pursue other things. Honestly, it's the only benefit of the job. And the thought of having professional job with normal hours and responsibilities is....scary.

Until now my idea of the professional world has been akin to my days of playing 'house' as a kid. We use to play 'house' at the neighborhood park. We'd pretend to be adults on the jungle gyms we imagined were million dollars mansions. We'd choose right from the start who would be the parents, the teenagers and other such real world characters we'd only interacted with from a distance.

The 'adults' in our play world always carried briefcases and talked really fast. They discussed the news over coffee and cigarettes; imaginary fine paper we rolled up and pinched between our fingers. We'd wake up in our imaginary mornings on the hard wood platform of the jungle gym and put on our imaginary business garb set out to conquer the world.



Being a professional adult was full of 'meetings' where we'd trade candy and discuss playground gossip. We'd prance around all important-like until the 'work day' had ended and we could return to our fake constructed houses.



Of course that is very different from the real professional world I will enter into soon enough. And good god I am a little overwhelmed by this. My level of responsibility will go from zero to 100 as soon as 'you're hired' has been said. And the last few days I have been contemplating how ready I am for this. I mean really ready. If I am even ready at all.



I want a full time job. I do. I do. I want an entry level position where I can a) make more money and b) gain some new skills. But the other night I was terrified of my ability or rather inability to do so. What happens if I can't do it? What happens if it is all too much?



What happens if I am not the person described on my resume? What happens if I can't do half the shit that this job entails. Detail oriented, organized and a great multi-tasker? During the interview he went over some of the things the assistant will do. At the time I nodded and smiled and described my command of all of those things and/or ease with which I could easily learn them.

But the moment I got home I was struck by how much harder those responsibilities are to what I currently do. I mean right now I am sitting in polka dot pajama pants in the middle of the day because I can. Because I have no other place to be. How will I adjust to 9-5, Monday thru Friday work week?

Holy Shit!



I am trying to reel myself back to shore. I am trying. I know I am capable and talented and that I can do anything. But the ever present sense of doubt has crept in and I have spent much of me week trying to remind myself that I can be more than just a girl working at the bookstore.

It has been a lot harder than I expected though.

....And Then I Bought French Toast

So the job interview was yesterday.

It went well. I mean I answered truthfully and earnestly and gave my all. But post interview thoughts always seem to linger.

Towards the beginning of the interview the literary agent commented on two things. That a) i have extensive sales experience and b) why am i choosing to leave Le Sad Store instead of, perhaps, making a career out of it.

24 hours and a sleepless night later, I am still not sure why these two questions bother me. I don't know if he was trying to catch me off guard to invoke a negative response about my feelings toward Le Sad Store. Interesting tactic but I can see why he would do so

I didn't of course. I said something along the lines of 'a career in sales has not be an interest of mine because of my overall passion for finding new writers and the stories they have to tell' and 'while Le Sad Store continues to be a learning experience, it is time for me to utilize what I have learned there along with my previous two internships in an environment more tailored to my professional goals".

He was impressed with this answer and then admitted that he too had worked at a Le Sad Store after graduating college. That while he was there no longer than a year what he learned there was a benefit and my time there has been one two evident by my knowledge of the market and interest in stories from many genres.

The rest of the interview went along well. I talked about my love of engaging stories and desire to play a part in developing new time while maintaining existing relationships with the clients now represented there.

I left the interview feeling that I did my best. And at this point I am grateful for that. I am not sure what the next steps in the interviewing process will be. The position is for immediate hire so I may or may not hear something back in a matter of days.

I of course was exhausted from the time spent talking about myself. The night before I promised myself that if I did a great job on my interview I would grab brunch for myself at a cafe I have been eyeing for weeks via their website.

So yeah, minutes after potentially scoring the entry level job of my 'need to make enough money to live in new york' dreams with a pretty cool literary agency, I made a bee-line for french toast. And hopefully, as it is only a block away from the agency, I can make a habit of going there on lunch breaks.

Hopefully.

Beckett

First Week of my 25th!

....And little ol' me has a job interview. OMG!

Tomorrow I will be on a train back to NYC to interview for a gig at a literary agency ( i know, i know it's publishing but a full time job folks!). One week after my super awesome birthday extravaganza, that I have yet to write about, I will try to get a job with a top agency in the city.

I don't know what to do with myself.

I'm excited and nervous and on the verge of barfing from sheer...excitement. I'm not sure how it will go, I'm not much on scripting what I will say but I think I may have a shot here. They are hiring immediately and I am all on board of transitioning into an entry level job after 3 years of retail work.

Uh, there goes the queasy feeling in my stomach again.

Fingers crossed for me.

I will need it.

~Becks

The Cloisters.

I wish I had a better way to put these up. I may have to get a flickr account started. Simply because there are too many pictures to post. But here are some of my favorites from the cloisters.

This place is as stunning and amazing as I thought it was going to be and I am glad that I didn't miss out of the excursion.

Despite the lack of 'garden-y' plants, flowers and fruits, the medieval art and architecture blew me away.

I am literally in love with this place. And I almost asked for an application on my way out.

More pics to come and naturally a better post. Still catching up on life after the best. birthday week. ever.

Work In Progress.

The last few days have been amazing and as the week comes to a close I am working on making it one of the best weeks ever. Seriously.




I wish I could write more but I have had the longest shift in the whole wide world. A friend from work recently got a teaching job and had to put in a one day notice. She worked in the Children's Department as a Lead and the managers are scurrying to fill the shifts she will not be able to fill.





This is where I come in because I happen to work in the Childrens Department 60% of my time at Le Sad Store. I agreed to take on two of her shifts this and next week and am currently feeling the effects of my closing and opening shift today. Tired cannot even explain how I feel.





I will say that I had an amazing birthday. For some reason I assumed that the Cloisters(medieval garden) and the Met were in the same building. I found out the night before my birthday that they are in fact not even on the same street. The Met is located on the Upper East Side (????) while The Cloisters is located somewhere near Washington Heights. I don't even think this part of the city is considered the city.





The Met and the Cloisters are about 45 minutes from one another and I quickly concluded that I would not be able to go to a medieval garden, a art museum and a fancy cupcake place all in one day. I just couldn't. I would be too tired to squeeze all of that in one day....

But. I'm also really hardheaded. And damn it all to hell I really wanted to go to a garden and go to the MET and eat lots of cupcakes. So I drank some coffee before setting out on my trip and managed to hit up all three places with time to spare. I'm just that awesome.





The Cloisters is a beautiful cathedral garden that I could go to every weekend. I enjoyed my time there more so than at the MET (which was still amazing but not as glorious). I took a lot of pictures that day and will post them as soon as I get more than four hours of sleep (I have the day off tomorrow so expect a lengthy post).





I also bought and consumed some pretty amazing cupcakes. The whole day was a blast and it made this week one of the better ones. Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. It meant a lot and I only wish I was able to express my gratitude outside of words and silly pictures.





So, yeah a proper post with pictures tomorrow. I promise.





Now time for sleep. How I miss sleep.

Best. Day. Ever

Tis' My Birthday!!!!!!!!

Here's to 25!!!!!