i woke up and just knew that today was going to be an off day. I don't know how to really explain off days, they are just days when you think you may have forgotten something, or you learn that santa clause isn't real, or that the universe is just off it's axis today.
I been thinking of my home in Westchester, NY for the past couple of hours. It's horrible for me to revert back to my childhood, but i just keep wondering what would have happened if we would have stayed. Would i be who i am now, would i be happier, where would i be going to school, would i have more than just one friend in my cell phone? I mean these are my off day preoccupation, it seems to just consume me, and i wallow in my self petty for the difference 6 years in the hell hole has produced.
I want to go back to Westchester/NYC so bad, and i fell like it is so out of reach. I mean if we wouldn't have moved, i would have been able to attend my grandma's funeral, maybe she wouldn't have died. Maybe i would have some ouce of ease with who i am, instead of the constant nagging feeling like i am going to be a universal outcast loser, virgin, pariah for the rest of my life, with no human connections.
But tomorrow, i will feel all different. The world will be one of optimistism instead of dred, NYC will seem attainable instead of out of reach, and my self pity will die down. But fuck it some days you just need to feel like shit, and fucking complain.
Saturday, July 30, 2005
Monday, July 25, 2005
Money it's not a BLAST
Argh!
School is literally a few weeks away, and i'm already cracking under the invisible pressure line. After having to leave Univ of Pittsburgh due to money issues, my mom insured me that if i went to school close to home, it would be easier for her to pay and i would at least be in school. I was pissed for a couple of months(because i was out of school), but I’m just happy to be getting a education and once i finish up work here i can go to Med School wherever i want.
I mean school is way cheaper here, but we just got my tuition payment bill and i'm tripping. I've got a single because of my spat with my psycho roommate from last year. I must tell you that in another blog. So now my bill is up 2 grand. What the Fuck.
It is so horrible to see idiots like Lindsay Loham, Hillary Duff, and Paris Hilton roll in money out of their ass because they are in some cruddy movies, or make an ass of themselves in night clubs and bars. And yet i am working to become a doctor and i can barely pay for my college. So along with the studying, interning, catching up i have to do, getting a job, and passing my fucking driving test, i must find time to sleep.
I'm going to become a drug dealing hooker because at least then i will have enough money to pay for school. It's sad...all i want to do is get an education and it's like pulling teeth to get a break and for once not have to worry if i'm going to school in august.
Beckett Hughes does not endorse the method of selling drugs or one's body to pay for school. Leave that to the professionals. THANK YOU.
School is literally a few weeks away, and i'm already cracking under the invisible pressure line. After having to leave Univ of Pittsburgh due to money issues, my mom insured me that if i went to school close to home, it would be easier for her to pay and i would at least be in school. I was pissed for a couple of months(because i was out of school), but I’m just happy to be getting a education and once i finish up work here i can go to Med School wherever i want.
I mean school is way cheaper here, but we just got my tuition payment bill and i'm tripping. I've got a single because of my spat with my psycho roommate from last year. I must tell you that in another blog. So now my bill is up 2 grand. What the Fuck.
It is so horrible to see idiots like Lindsay Loham, Hillary Duff, and Paris Hilton roll in money out of their ass because they are in some cruddy movies, or make an ass of themselves in night clubs and bars. And yet i am working to become a doctor and i can barely pay for my college. So along with the studying, interning, catching up i have to do, getting a job, and passing my fucking driving test, i must find time to sleep.
I'm going to become a drug dealing hooker because at least then i will have enough money to pay for school. It's sad...all i want to do is get an education and it's like pulling teeth to get a break and for once not have to worry if i'm going to school in august.
Beckett Hughes does not endorse the method of selling drugs or one's body to pay for school. Leave that to the professionals. THANK YOU.
Tuesday, July 19, 2005
Going to Whip up the Speed Tonight
No i am not a drug addict, but i was watching Entertainment Tonight and i think it is so weird when the present their documentation of something in the form telling us how to do something bad and give an incentive for those gullible to try it. Don't know what i am talking about? Case in point. There was some girl who was talking about how she took the drug speed and lost 20 pounds in a week. 20 pounds! Though it is totally horrible that she wanted to lose weight so bad that she took speed to lose it. But i imagine some girl with her pad and pencil out equipped with the steps to lose wait by scoring speed. I figure it would go something like this
Hailey's Weight plan
DAY 1) Score some speed from local kid at school
Day 2) Take speed
Day 3) In no time i was be as thin as a rail...YEAH.
Why don't we just teach the techniques for making anthrax for christ sakes, i mean it was so hilarious(in a morbid way) to watch that, and sad that we have become so obsessed with having this unnatural quest for beauty that now taking speed is a new diet plan
Beckett Hughes does not endorse the use of speed, crack or any other hazardous and dangerous drugs in someone's quest to lose weight. Any one who thus begins using speed because of the statements in this journal is an idiot. Holla
Hailey's Weight plan
DAY 1) Score some speed from local kid at school
Day 2) Take speed
Day 3) In no time i was be as thin as a rail...YEAH.
Why don't we just teach the techniques for making anthrax for christ sakes, i mean it was so hilarious(in a morbid way) to watch that, and sad that we have become so obsessed with having this unnatural quest for beauty that now taking speed is a new diet plan
Beckett Hughes does not endorse the use of speed, crack or any other hazardous and dangerous drugs in someone's quest to lose weight. Any one who thus begins using speed because of the statements in this journal is an idiot. Holla
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