There is no "I" in Team.

The day i have been dreading all of Summer Session II has come upon me...and I totally dodged a bullet.

In Business writing we do a lot of group work. By A LOT I mean like every freakin' day. It's totally understandable though, i mean it is a writing class, so we have to share our work with our peers to get feedback.

Unfortunately some people do not like feedback or anything associated with getting their work critiqued. Last week there was almost anarchy because a group did not like how my group critiqued a memo they wrote. I sat back and watched as one girl completely started bitching (very loudly) about how stupid our comments were and that it was complete garbage. Looking back on it her anger had nothing to do with our comments but from who the main source of critiques came from. A boy i simply call NEW JERSEY.

Clearly he gets the nickname from the fact that he always talk about New Jersey. Like ALL the time. He has this really thick accent, knows a shit load about sports, and talks a lot. I LOVE HIM. Not in the art boy kind of way, but in the "You make me giggle say it again". There is something about him that i find endearing and almost brotherly.

He is average height, but kind of stocky from all the beers he throws back, and sometimes he rambles on about who knows what. But for some reason he is this nonthreatening Teddy Bear who i am fond of. We have worked in several groups together and though he has ADD qualities we work well together. The other day he even asked me what book i was reading even though you could totally tell he hasn't picked up one in a long time. But it was nice, and he gets my seal of approval for being an "OK GUY!!".

Of course most of the class hates him. They think he is too loud, too overbearing, too aggressive in his approach to things, and that he is annoying to say the least. Sometimes they make their dislike for him apparent as in last week with the whole "girl yelling across the class towards my group to make it apparent that she doesn't like him" way.

We have this huge project due in a week, where we have to work in assigned groups and utilize our strengths to write a 10-15 page business report. Since learning about this report the class has been freaked out about how Jack Black will create the groups. Last week, after a rather disastrous group assignment, he asked how a recent group experience went for me. After a long pause i said something like "it went" (geez I'm passive) .

Since we were on the discussion of groups i asked him how we was going to assign us, whether it was random or if our group would be specifically chosen. He said he's been watching how we interacted in groups to evaluate our strengths and weaknesses. He also took in account how we write and from that he will put us into groups to create a balance.

I felt a little better after he told me this, because that meant i most likely was not going to work with THE ANNOYING GIRL. Even though she was out of the running as a group member (thank god) there were still a few other people i was hoping to not be paired with: The Grammar Nazi, The Yelling Girl, The Crazy Kid Who Sits In The Back and Stares, The Other Kid From New Jersey (because he has a staring problem also and working in a group with him sucked. His comment on my paper was "try to be more mean") .

I was secretly kind of hoping New Jersey would be in my group, he gets things done and also the whole "he makes me giggle" thing helps in creating a good atmosphere(my favorite comment so far has been "i thought i was talking to Ricky Martin on the phone". I was the only one who laugh, i thought it was funny)

Today he told us what group we were assigned in. At this point i was holding my breath. My group includes...well Me, The Smart Brainy Girl with Killer Clothes, The Business Guy who also has Killer Clothes, The Nice Foreign Guy, and the Wild Card (some dude who potentially has ADD but kind of smart and is friends with NEW JERSEY). The group who got New Jersey started talking about him after finding out he was in their group( he left early) and Jack Black got pretty pissed. I feel bad for him.

I'm happy with my group but can't wait til it's all over. We have to write a business guide on The United Arab Emirates. Don't worry if you haven't heard of it, because i haven't either. All i know is that Dubai is apart of The United Arab Emirates, and that country is loaded with money.

One more week and summer school is over. If all goes well i will have 2 more A's to add to my transcript. My English teacher totally liked the paper i wrote on Frederick Douglass. Before she handed back the papers she said "you will all be pleased by the grades, but i don't like giving out A's, so don't be disappointed."

As i opened my paper a nice "A" was located at the bottom of the page. OH YEAH!!!!!

Resumes 101.

Busy busy week. I've been slacking lately but i blame it all on my classes and the problems i have been having with sleep lately.

I don't need to go into how much i love my sleep but the past week has been pretty hard on me in that department. I take cat naps in the afternoon because waking up at 6am for a 8am class is taking it's toll. Something about the summer makes you want to sleep in more than you would during the rest of the year, and my body is apparently on Summer Vacation mode rather than "get the hell up you have to go to English" mode.

I don't know if it's because i take my daily "cat nap" or simply that my body is trying to tell me I am a little stressed, either way going to sleep these days is becoming a little hard. I get into bed, close my eyes and then...nothing. Absolutely nothing. I just can't go to sleep. I lay there, twist and turn, do some hand puppets in the shadow, and still...NOTHING. I get into bed around midnight and will literally not be able to fall "asleep" until 2am. Needless to say i have been a little tired during the day, dragging to class, and then repeating the whole "nap & can't sleep at night" thing for the last week.

I think i have it under control now, i always get a little restless before Fall starts and my mind goes into overdrive. This summer is coming to a close and quicker than i am able to handle. I have 2 papers, a group project(that i am not looking forward to), and a resume to write.

Is is weird that i have never written a resume before? I am like the worst person when it comes to trying to sell myself. I think. I mean it's weird staring at a blank page going "what are my strengths and weakness". It's easy to assess things like "I'm compassionate and introspective" but some how i don't think employees give a crap about that sort of thing. When it comes down to it, looking at this generic resume format, i am pretty much under qualified for everything.

Jack Black is making us create a resume to put in this portfolio we have to turn in next week. So far the portfolio has been writing fake letters to the business world. But trying to sell myself on paper is harder than it looks, especially when i don't have expertise in much. I know a little Spanish but not enough to have a conversation, I have little job experience and one firing under my belt, and all the clubs i was in i deserted for prime time TV.

That Sucks.

But i'm making it look really good on paper, or at least i am trying. I have so much to do this Fall semester it isn't pretty. I just generally need more experience to find the things i am good at and then I'll be able to put them in a resume. Because i don't think "obsessing over Rock Singers" is a quality employees are looking for. Though recently i have been obsessing over "Scotland and hot actor and singers who were born there"...on the resume i would call it "interested ininternational affairs and the investment of goodwill between US and Scotland relations", but that's stretching it a little.

Back to writing my resume and then maybe a nap. I really do need one.

A Fine Frenzy

My roommate has this idea that bringing drunk friends back to the dorm is an okay thing at midnight.

Clearly we will have to agree to disagree about this.

Yesterday i spent the whole day writing my paper, sleeping, writing my paper, sleeping, watching a marathon of To Catch a Predator, and then finally writing the paper i still have not finished. I got a lot done i think.

There was minimal worrying about the whole loan situation. My mom came this morning so she could by me groceries for the next few weeks, and she brought along with her the letter.

This isn't the nicest letter i have ever received, taking this business writing class is coming in handy because I instantly knew how "negatively nice" they were being in this pretty pissed off letter. Words such as "We honored" "with the understanding" "forthcoming" "Prohibit" and my favorite "a hold has been placed" were used throughout to basically say "straighten this crap out or your ass is grass".

I at first was kind of sure that the university had made a mistake but after reading this letter i am POSITIVE they have made a mistake. Other than getting my name and address right, everything else about the financial statement is wrong.

Here's the dilemma...well not my dilemma but someones...For summer sessions you can apply through the university to receive a Stafford Loan, it's pretty much the go to loan that all universities use. Unfortunately for me the Stafford loan does not cover my tuition hence why i use a private educational loan to pay for school. I applied for a private loan for the summer to cover all costs and other than the small mishap made early by the university all my crap is paid up for.

This letter is claiming that "I" asked for the university to advance a Stafford Loan to help "me" pay for summer session II. ????? Not only did "I" ask for this loan to be advance to "my" account but the money from "my" lenders has not been sent and now the university is about to put a hold on my academic records until i pay the amount in full.

WOW. I can't wait to straighten this crap out. I've printed out so many papers indicating that they clearly have the wrong person but i will not feel completely confident until they tell me either to my face or via the phone that everything has been worked out and they are sorry for the inconvenience.

I can't wait to graduate. This school is too much for me to bear.

I've been in a writing frenzy as of yesterday. I once read that when Steven King starts a story he spends a certain number of hours a day writing. That's take commitment but unfortunately i am not like that. I write when i can in between Internet surfing and lip synching and barely get two pages done before the day is over.

There are moments though when i get like this surge of writing energy and my mind is racing with things to write. It's happen ever since i was little, i go weeks in a a righting funk, and then suddenly out of no where i get this crazy energy to write and write all day. I figure i better ride this frenzy before it ends because this whole portfolio thing is driving me crazy. So far my portfolio is a page with a drawing of a smiley face on it. I don't think that will cut it though.

Worry Wart to the Nth Degree

A while ago i went to this thing called biofeedback.

Biofeedback is this weird thing(psychology related) where your body is measured in response to stress. You are hooked up to a machine which records things like heart rate, sweating and yaddda yadda yadda. Depending on how your body responded you either a) handle stress well or B) don't handle it well.

If don't know if it was much of a surprise when the lady told me that my body does not handle stress well. Stress seems to build and build until literally my body wants to shut down. Pretty depressing to hear at the time but right on for all accounts. Outwardly i seem to handle stress well because i come up with quick ways to handle it. Internally i am like a wreck just my body doesn't completely shut down.

I am a worry wart, i admit it. I worry about everything. Friends, jobs, school, boys...i worry so much it keeps me up at night. I like when things go smoothly but it's when those damn obstacles are thrown my way that i become unhinged and have no idea what to do.

School and life after graduation are always at the forefront of my mind. How in the hell will i pay back loans? Will I succeed at what i really want to do? Is graduate school really for me? But my recent worry as of today is Will i graduate in May 2008?

Today i received some bogus letter from the University saying that i owe them money that was advance to me during Summer Session II. My mom called me today asking if my status as a student for the summer was cancelled because of the letter that she received.

I was literally like: What the hell are you talking about? I didn't even get a loan from the University so how can i owe them money?

At first i was call: Maybe they made a mistake

Early in the month the school had accidentally put my Summer Session II fees and my Fall fees all on one payment form. I called them up admittedly and was like: Um...You may have made a mistake. It was quickly corrected and here i sit today watching CSI in a crappy dorm room with a paper due Monday. This earlier error makes me think that this new problem could be the University's fault and that a phone call on Monday will straighten everything out.

But of course I have the WHOLE weekend to now come up with scenario's of how it may not be the University's mistake. Sh*t.

I'm so close to graduating that any problems that could hinder that are just stressful. I've come this far, taken a butt load of summer sessions, taken out a bunch of loans, are here i am as a Senior with 2 more semesters to go...Hopefully. It's like being close to the finish line in a race and then suddenly tripping over your shoe laces. It sucks big time.

I mean i question this whole school thing a lot, especially when it comes to graduate school. A part of me feels like it would be beneficial to attend 2 yrs learning the writing technique and craft. I'd have to go through the whole tuition thing over again but my portfolio would expend and i could learn a lot.

But then the other part of me is like...Maybe hands on experience would be better. Without the formal educational background, especially since what i want to do isn't so formal. I don't know... but these are literally the things that keep me up at night. And now i have this financial thing to worry about for the next 3 days so i don't know how much sleep I am going to get this weekend. My school has got to be the worst place in dealing with Financial Aid, i go through this every year and it never gets any easier. I still stress out immensely.

Time to start this paper. 6-8 pages to write and i have only gotten my name, date, and title down. Oh yeah!!!

Excuse the Shia LeBeouf picture. He's my calming face of the day to look at. Something odd about him but i like it. We're getting hitched soon. FYI.

The Annoying Girl *sigh*

I apparently am running into an array of annoying people lately.

For the most part i am a pretty easy going person. At least i think i am.

The problem with blogging is that you aren't able to convey all of yourself within the words that you express. To me a blog is like a movie, you get the overall gist of things; Plot(my life), Character( me), and Sub Characters( everyone around me) but you don't get the inbetween moments, the behind the scenes info(which is me lying around watching episodes of family guy), and my personality. I try my best to convey that here but sometimes i question if i get it across accurately.

My personality is pretty easy going. I don't complain much and take things in stride most of the time. I kind of go with the flow in certain situations and hopefully appear up for the challenge. There aren't many things that annoy me about other people, because in all honesty i see so many faults in myself I don't even contemplate them in other people. The only time i get annoyed with people is when there is this overt negativity about their personality. Like Bitchy, Snobby, Annoying...things like that. Like when you have to make it noticeable that you are all those things or more. Annoying is a little bit more difficult because it can be inherent( Annoying Guy) or you put it out there because you can. When i do get annoyed it is usually based on a personality trait that just clashes with mine.

Yesterday it was annoying Guy...today i met annoying girl and i simply don't think i can take anymore annoying people.

Annoying Girl is in my Business Writing class. Though it sounds like a dreary class i'm actually pretty happy that i decided to take it. Jack Black is a pretty awesome professor and the people in the class are easy to talk to. Today we were assigned groups to go over some documents we had to write for HW yesterday.

In our groups we were suppose to read each of our documents out loud, and then pass it around in the group so each memeber could critique it. No problem right. Unless you get in the one group out of 20 people who does not want to do the assignment despite Jack Black checking in from time to time to make sure we are doing the assignment.

As soon as i get into the group The Annoying Girl says "Listen this isn't 1st grade and i don't see why we have to read our papers out loud. I mean this is so stupid". I give her a look like "come on it's not going to be that bad" but she keeps going on, "I say we just swap papers read it to ourselves and be done with this."

?????

Aparently i was the only one not feeling her approach to the assignment which i told her: "It's not that bad i mean we should at least attempt the assignment. what happens when he comes to our group and sees that we aren't working?"

Annoying Girl: I mean if you really want to read your paper go ahead but it's a waste of time.

And like that the rest of my group went along with her because they were frightened to say anything. I reluctantly took her paper (and i instantly became aware why she didn't want to read her paper out loud) and went along with the plan. Until Jack Black came over and asked how we magiclly read all of our papers out loud in the span of 4 minutes in which he was gone from the room.

And like it was nothing Annoying Girl goes: Oh we finished reading all of them out loud. Hee Hee.

I made the strangest face ever, kind of shook my head, and tried to send out smoke signals to the professor that she was lying. Right in front of his face. The lie came too natural for her, it made me uncomfortable.

I have the misfortune of ending up in a group where i am the only one who does work. It is incredibly stressful and not something i ever want to be apart of again. I find it incredibly annoying because i like feedback on my work and i am begining to appreciate criticism because it can only help.

Not only was i annoyed by the whole group situation but by her general attitude that she was better than the assignment. We have a final group assignment due towards the end of class and I hope beyond all hope that she will not be working with me.

I haven't done this for a while, but i think i am just going to hide away from the world under the safety of my covers.

The Annoying Guy.

There is this excruciatingly annoying guy in my English Class.

I write excruciating because it is literally hard to watch this guy in class as the others mock and laugh at him. In most cases i would cringe at the faces they make at him, detest the snickers that someone makes after he stutters(he has a bad case of them) but...this guy is so annoying I can't even feel sorry for him.

There is usually one kid who has to chime in on everything the teacher says. Usually i don't have a problem with this because it takes the pressure off of me. But when he says things about the books we are reading it borders on idiocy.

You can tell he is a smart guy. Some of the things he says makes sense. But most of the time his comments are so stupid you want to smack him.

He looks about 35, dresses like he's 70 and then he stutters like no one else's business. I am sensitive to people who stutter, my uncle stutters and sometimes i am on the phone with him for about 5 minutes before he gets out a full sentence. It's pretty bad. But this guy stutters because he doesn't think before he speaks. It's like he has a thought, and then shots it out.

The class has instantly turned on him, you can tell because 7 of us sit towards the door, 7 on the opposite side near the window and then you have the lone ranger in the middle of the class. We are reading Huckleberry Finn( and by we, i don't mean me because i refuse to read this book for the 20th time), and his comments sort of border on racist, born out of ignorance rather than him trying to offend people.

The class kind of looks on with mouths agape as he makes totally backwards comments about Jim (the slave in the novel). He says things like a child who has no concept over the fact that it can be viewed as insensitive. Luckily the professor usually corrects him, and then a girl from the "window" group says something to counteract his ignorance.

Not only is he bordering on racist comments but everything about him is just annoying. I didn't think it could occur, i didn't think their could be a person who literally exudes "I'm annoying" but this douche bag has proved me wrong. His walk is annoying, his old man clothes are annoying, even the way his arm hair ends perfectly at his wrist is annoying.

I think part of the reason i don't like this class is because he is in it. I'm waiting for someone to say something to him because right now the annoyance between the "window" and "door" group is boiling and there is nothing i can do to stop it...

...Well except watch on with glee as they take him on. I imagine it being something like West Side Story, a lot of dancing, singing, a small shuffle and then resolution (ending in the removal of him from our class)

Until then, i'll try not to kick his ass after class.

Jack Black is my Professor.

Okay not really, but he sure does look like him.

So I dropped the Shakespeare class.

I really tried to convince myself to stay in that class, but over and over again my crushing fear that i would have to perform overwhelmed all other thoughts. The nice teacher, hot dreamy artsy guy(who is also in my 8 am class) , and great location could not woo me into staying in that class.

If i had signed up for a performance class then my nerves wouldn't have gotten the best of me. It was just too much, and by four o'clock yesterday, i dreaded having to go to class the next day. Taking a biology class was out of the question, because i would have to magically fork over money i don't have. So staying in Shakespeare seemed the logical choice, i would have to suck it up and just do it.

But after taking a cat nap i woke up and totally came up with the most obvious solution. Instead of adding a biology i can just add another English, a different English. There really aren't that many choices for summer session 2 English classes because i either a) I don't need it B) have taken it or C) am going to take it during the fall.

But magically i managed to get one of the last seats in a Business Writing class. I know WTF, I'm not going into business but learning how to right resumes and other crap like that must be important. I was a little apprehensive at first, because joining a class two days late is pretty sucky. But with a click and a snap i dropped Shakespeare for Business Writing.

I ran to the bookstore, during a horrible thunderstorm, sold back my Shakespeare Book and began checking out the book so i would be semi prepared. I could barely get to sleep last night, as the clock ticked closer and closer to midnight, the hour in which i would be unable to make anymore changes to schedule. By the time i did manage to go to sleep i was awaken soon after by a Fire Alarm(more on this crap filled night later), so i was too tired today to really be worried about if i made the right decision. Rate my professor said he was awesome, funny, and extremely nice. But Ratemyprofessor. com is not always an accurate source. It seems like the people who actually make comments about the professor either passed with an high grade or failed.

Another weird thing on his Ratemyprofessor profile was that they said he looked like Jack Black. One person said a mixture between Jack Black and Vince Vaughn which was also kind of weird because Vaughn and Black look nothing alike and seeing a live spawn of the two would be rather interesting.

So After my 8 am class i ran to Business Writing, just so i could get the low down on the professor. I needed to know if he was as nice as everyone said he was. As soon as i walked in and asked this one guy he was like "He is really hard, i mean you are in for a tough semester". Being a spotter of BS a mile away i smiled politely and asked someone if i could see their syllabus. No test, a portfolio, one group project, and quizzes from time to time but most importantly NO PERFORMATIVE ART.

The class began filling in quickly and before you knew it my professor walked in. He totally looks like Jack Black. I mean exactly like Jack Black, maybe a few pounds thinner in the face, but other than that Jack Black has a twin running around here. I couldn't stop staring, i was waiting for the camera's to come in and for Professor. Jack Black to notify me that he was doing a reality show for VH1 or something.

But no, he just eerily looks like him. He was pretty nice too, he goes off on a tangent a lot and being a newlywed ( married a month) he talks about the comedy of his not so nuclear family. Wife, Husband, Greyhound and Rottweiler. I did miss a lot but he said he would put the notes online for me to view and that the two days i miss don't count against me.

YEAH!!!

Now time for a nap. Standing out in the cold for 30 minutes at 3am is not fun at all.

The Avalanche

When i signed up for Shakespeare i did not think it would involve performing his plays
during class.

Grant it I understand that Shakespeare wrote plays and that plays are meant to be performed, but some how i think my professor is missing the ball with the whole "lets embarrass my students by making them perform in front of the whole class"

I think this is a case where my anxiety is getting the best of me. I literally called up the Biology department trying to squeeze into a Biology class. Technically i can take Bio 102 which i have avoided taking. It would give me 7 credits for summer session 2 instead of 6 (which is a positive) but I would have to pay a lab fee i wasn't counting on(negative), and i would have to buy new books(negative), attend a 4 hour lab(negative),and have to wear goggles(negative) which i wasn't planning on doing this summer.

All so i don't have to read some passages in front of the class. I know it's totally irrational. Even as i write it i shake my head with how absurd it is to go through all the trouble of avoiding Shakespeare. My teacher seems nice, and everyone in the class aren't savages...and yet...i am petrified.

I can do public speaking. If and when i have to but performing is a different thing. i mean she doesn't expect us to go up and recite the thing like they did in the old days, but i have a problem with being the center of attention.

Some people love it(my brother) but i have strayed away from it. i mean i don't want to be completely ignored by people, but sometimes fading in the crowd isn't that bad. Being so uncomfortable in my own skin, makes it ten times harder to put myself out there for other people to see.

I'm trying to calm my nerves so i don't do anything as irrational as signing up for a class that is going to cost my mom at least $ 200 dollars. Plus i have missed the first two classes and a lab which would set me behind.

For now i am going to halt the avalanche of doubts running through my head and breathe. Breathe. Breathe. And trudge forward. F*cking Shakespeare.

First.

I'm getting so sick of first days.

The first day of class/work/club meeting/moving in/meeting new roommates. I don't think i can take it anymore. You'd think after 21 years of first days, i would be use to it by now. From Kindergarten to High School, from my first time behind a wheel to my first crush...I am simply over Firsts.

Though i have been through this a million times i was still pretty nervous about my first day of summer session 2. I am taking 2 English classes, and that amount of reading would make anyone weary of the course load.

I wouldn't be able to tell you the difference between the two classes because they ran literally the same way for 2 hours and 15 minutes. It was like Deja Vu

1. Quirky artsy teacher

2. Both claim they don't like to talk a lot and want class participation and then spent the next 90 minutes talking to no end.

3. Both had weird laughs

4. about 20 students in each class

5. We both watched videos that i nearly fell asleep too.

No stunningly attractive guys, and the girls all seem to be a part of a sorority. Other than that the classes don't seem that bad. We of course had to do the stupid "let's introduce ourselves game" and both of my professors remarked on how weird it was for me to be a English major/ Biology minor.

One said i was a Alpha Male/Feminine hybrid and the other said i was covering two very broad spectrum's , but that she admired my gusto(????).

Even though i am fully committed to this writing thing, i realize that i love a balance. I need the harsh to compliment the soft, the scientific to balance the art, the love to go against the much well hated. I simply cannot function without a balance of the two. A part of me is grateful that i have a biology background. Being under the competitive and rigid control of the biology department has carried over quite nicely to English. There is simply not much that can shake me when I've had the displeasure of taking A Math, Chemistry, Biology, and Psychology class all in one semester.

So even though i am an English major, you can catch me reading my Campbell and Reece Biology book just for a different perspective and approach to things.

After English i headed to my American Lit Professor(the class i took summer session 1) to pick up my Paper. I spent at least an hour in there talking to her about medicine and English. It was pretty cool, I've never really talked to a professor outside of class. To me there is like this barrier that i haven't yet grasp with the student teacher relationship. Sometimes i feel like i am in middle school terrified of the teacher who seems so much wiser and smarter than all of us. Plus my experience with teachers from High School have all been sketchy( 2 creepy math teachers and my speech teacher), so i have pretty much been hesitant at forming a close relationship with my professor.

In college though it seems almost crucial to make some sort of impression, or you risk not gaining the respect from the professor. So after she handed me my paper and went over it with me, we just talked about everything. She even recommended some programs for me to look at for MFA. Columbia, NYU, and other way to prestigious programs for me to attempt to get into.

But she said she would read my short story when i finally finished it. I smell a sweet recommendation in the works.

Time to eat and study.

Roommate Quirk: She leaves all the lights on. I think she maybe afraid of the dark. Right now it is like a game of "Lights on, Lights off". I woke up this morning to find the bathroom/hallway/kitchen/living room lights on. And from the crack in her door the lights were on in her room too.

So far i have attempted to shut the lights off every time i leave my room, but to no avail i return with the lights turned back on. Listen I'm no Eco Warrior or anything, but there is something wrong with the lights being on a 2 in the afternoon.

Until she tells me that she has a terrifying fear of the bogeyman which causes her to leave the lights on, i am going to continue shutting them off.

Al Gore would not be happy.

The Short End Of It.

I got an A in English. YEAH!!!


I was pretty nervous about the final exam. Because i wanted to go home early(not knowing that i would be bored out of my mind) i decided to take the exam three days earlier. I must admit i didn't study that much, and by Tuesday morning(the day of the exam) i was frantically looking at my notes during class to make sure i had everything remembered.

But of course while taking the test, i was completely confused about what i was suppose to write about. This was a written exam, she gave us a passage from one of the dozen stories we read during the semester and then we had to write the significance of it. There were some answers i completely knew, while there were others that i completely bulled.

But i must have done okay on the exam or my final paper, because a very nice and much deserved A is on my Transcript.

Tomorrow summer session 2 starts, and i am not looking forward to my 8 o'clock class simply because it is too early in the morning.

Summer session has pretty much prevented me from starting my 20 page short story that i have to submit in January for the writing school in NYC. I'm a little stressed out about this. I feel like it's hgh school all over again, except instead of studying for the SAT, i am studying for the GRE and attempting to write this story.

My mom and I have been talking about this writing school like i have already been accepted. She wants to know about where i will stay(dorm or off-housing), is it in a safe neighborhood, and my transportation plans. Even i have been talking about it somewhat as if this is the school i will be attending next fall. But in all honesty unless i get this story down, NYC may not be in my future.

I have no idea how to write a short story. I like short stories, I have a couple of books laying around full of short stories, but for the life of me i have no idea how to construct one. It's not even that i have a case of writer's block, it's more like that case of "how the hell do i condense this idea into 20-30 pages?", "am i going for drama, thriller, coming of age?", "yadda yadda yadda"

That is my brain right about now. The short story class i was planning on taking this summer would have helped me out a lot, but after checking how many people would be in the class (3 including me) i dropped and am now taking some other English class.

I'm trying not to worry to much about my short story dilemma and for now just bask in the glory of my A.

In other news, i have 2 new set of roommates for summer session 2. Only one has shown up, and we haven't said two words to one another. I made an attempt this morning, but she closed the door in my face. ??? I can hear her through these paper thin walls, and by the likes of her and her friends conversation I'll take door in face any day over having to talk to her

Conversation from yesterday:

Roomie[high pitched voice]: OMG how was China
Roomie's Friend[higher pitched voice]: It.........was........AMAZING.
Roomie: Really?
Friend: I like.....met.....CAMERON DIAZ.
Roomie: Nah Ugh
Friend: Yah Huh. And she wasn't tall at all, she was like your height
Roomie: THANK GOD, that makes me feel so much better about myself.
Friend: I just waved but i think she is like the nicest person ever
Roomie: did you take a picture with her
Friend(perhaps my favorite line from the night): I could have but i didn't want to be that person.
Roomie: Yeah your right.

Time to read before calling it an early night. 8 o'clock is going to be rough.

Adrift and at Peace

I am finally back in my dorm after spending 4 days at home. It was pretty hard being home because the more and more i spend time in [College Town] the harder it is to leave it.

I mean i still hate my school. I Have only 1 friend to my name. And am looking so forward to graduation i can barely sleep at night...but i like being on my own. I feel productive here, studying, writing, reading...i feel like i am working towards something instead of resting in limbo.

The only thing we did for the 4th was see Transformers (AMAZING, and now i have to marry Shia LaBeouf. Seriously. Dialogue was kind of cheesy, story line didn't really make sense. But it's TRANSFORMERS what do you expect), and then pretty much after that i watched my brother lounge around the house, and listened to my mother talk about this new diet she is going to start on Friday.

My mom and brother always tease me about being shy. That i don't go out and do things, that my fear of big crowds can be overcome easily. But as i lounge around at home for 4 days, almost crying from boredom i realized that too are lacking in the social interaction department.

There is this uneasy dependence that they find in staying in the house. The house is safe, the house is home... yadda yadda yadda. I mean for the last 21 years i feel like i have been taught that everything outside the house is something to be weary of.

But lately i have been having great anxiety over my future. I feel like i will be alone for the rest of my life unless something changes. I don't even mean in the boyfriend kind of way, i just mean in general...without friends and connections, and without general activities to do with people.

I go to sleep at night with this fear on my mind. The fear being that i will graduate, possibly get into the New School, and be unable to make any connections with people, like i have done here. That i will just have to settle for mediocre friendships because i don't know how to not feel anxious around people.

I'm so sick of wanting someone to be my friend. Of daydreaming of Art Boys and Music Boys. Of being the wantee and not the wanted. I want so badly to be wanted for once. To be accepted and allowed into this thing called a friendship. And spending the last couple of days in our house, away from any contact except Daytime TV, i just finally grew tired of being enclosed.

Sometimes i feel like the boy in the bubble, spending my time looking out at the people and world that i can't grasp. I use to wonder why the boy in the bubble finally decided to risk his life to just be free for a day...but i realize now. That bubble was a f*cking prison, and you'd risk anything to taste freedom, even if for a day.

So I'm glad to be back, still a tad bit anxious because i really want things to get better here. I realized that this is my last year in college. By the end of the summer i will be a Senior and with the way my grades are going for this semester, i will have a pretty solid GPA by Fall. But i don't want to leave my undergraduate life with bad memories of broken friendships, crushes, Waldo, and the whole roommate fiasco.

I have one year left to prove to myself that i can enjoy this college life. One year, before i am thrust into "real world". We'll see what happens.

Transformers

FLIPPING AMAZING!!!!

HAPPY 4th of JULY.

Crazy Woman

Some how i feel like i will be able to finish reading The Bluest Eye by tomorrow and then take both of my final exams on Tuesday before going home on Wednesday.

I'm out of my mind and absolutely crazy for taking on this work load. It is already 6 o'clock and and i have about 100 pages to read in The Bluest Eye and all of Cuban, Argentina, and Chilean history to get down. Along with about 20 authors and stories that i have to know the significance of for English.

A little stressed out i must say.

Back to studying

In other unrelated news...The Princess Diana Concert was flipping amazing. I watched the whole thing yesterday. P. Diddy was amazing, along with Nelly Furtado. Elton John is still rocking, and Prince William dances kind of funny.

Not that I plan on dying anytime soon, but if i could have a concert like that in remembrance of me...that would kind of be sweet. Just saying.