The Rum Diary.

Jeepers Creepers remind me to never take a shot of rum...ever again.

I don't even know how to explain the last few days or weeks. And the fact that I am a tad bit tipsy is either going to make my feelings about everything sound really profound or dumb when I read this in the morning.

As I expected I did not get the job that I interviewed for two weeks ago. Hell, the fact that I didn't even send a thank you email and letter put a nail in that coffin. But it doesn't mean that i am still not utterly frustrated about my situation.

School for most undergrad and grad students started this week and every time some one comes in asking for a text book we don't have, a little piece of me aches. I still have no idea if I want to ever go to grad school but the more time I spend in the real world the more convinced I am that I don't have any skills outside of being book smart.

I seem to be an un-hirable person. I can't even get an interview for a receptionist job these days. What makes it worse is that Blue and I went on an interview the same week and he actually got the job he applied to. Even though this was his first interview out of college, ever, he managed to get the position with a company specializing in optic lens or something.

And I know that I have no interest in lens or manufacturing or eye wear(?!). I mean he has told me what he is going to be doing there a billion times and I still can't describe his title accurately, but nonetheless Blue is leaving. Come Tuesday he will no longer be an employee at Le Sad Store and that has brought up deep feelings of jealousy and resentment.

One of the first things he said to me when he found out he got the job was 'so, when are you going on your next interview' as if suddenly the struggle of job hunting had completely been eradicated from his mind. I may have shot him a really dirty look after I congratulated him on this new gig.

And while I applied to six or seven jobs last week, I have felt too tired and depleted to do so the last two days. Irene, on my side of town, turned out to be a ball of gusty wind and rain and while I got to stay home on Sunday (we actually closed the store) I have had little energy to do anything but sleep since then. I think I am getting sick. I fear I am becoming depressed. Whatever the case i feel as if i am coming apart at the seams from sheer frustration and angst.

It doesn't help that my main venting partner (marie) has all but ditched me. We got in an argument a few weeks ago because she befriended a married w/children gent at her job and I found the nature of their relationship weird. I don't mind that he's married, I don't mind that he had kids but I found it weird that he would take such an interest in hanging out with a girl 15 years his junior. Not only that but they talk about sex, love and relationships (a lot) as if he is just a single guy.

To make matters worse, they spend a lot of time hanging out without his wife or kids around. And she said that once they had a really inappropriate conversation in the car about coworkers having sex. He also sent me messages via facebook and text in order to better understand the nature of marie and I's friendship. My last correspondence with her had a lot to do with the fact that I didn't appreciate him calling my phone to ask me questions about marie. That I don't like strange married men sending me messages on facebook and that as a father of two children he should have better things to do than text me in the afternoon.

We haven't talked since then (roughly a month) and while she can really get under my skin, it's weird not having some one to express my frustrations with verbally. And now, more than ever, as everything seems to be changing around me I kind of wish I had a voice to talk to on the other end of the phone. I suddenly wish I weren't such a lone ranger.

To compensate for Marie's abandonment, I've been hanging out a lot with people from work in order to fill some of my down time. Applying to jobs and fretting all day can put me in a worse mood than not being able to find steady employment. So i am doing my best to balance a social life with career opportunities.

In an attempt to be social tonight we all went to a bar after checking out Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (kinda crappy but whatever it was six bucks) and Blue tagged along for his sort of celebratory hang out. We all decided to buy shots because the mood seemed right and we were pretty jovial.

I downed my first, and damnit last, rum over the sound of Blind Melon's No Rain. Every time I hear that song I get all kinds of sad. The song conjures up the image of the sad girl in the bumble bee outfit, mulling about around town all sad and depleted. And sure at the end she is all dancing in a field of sunflowers (and other bumble bees) accepting the things that aren't readily changeable in front of her, but she is resigned to happiness eventually.

I have not of course gotten there yet. Instead I feel like sweet bumble bee girl just as she is laughed off staged. Just as she is making her exit from the cruel bright lights of the real world. I am humble and out of sorts and teary eyed and I am simply trying to make sense of where I am suppose to go from here. And maybe this is just the beginning of my extraordinary life that I am making, but it still feels painful from time to time.

This could all be the Rum talking. I apologize. I don't know how Hemingway, Thompson and Kerouac did it. I guess I'm just not that kind of writer.

Can't wait to read this shit in the morning.

Beckett.

Irene is Coming....

...and Le Sad Store will remain open.

Despite the warnings, and the four people who have already called out days in advance for the storm, we will stay open the whole damn weekend.

Because even when the wind and rain come crashing through New York some asshole will still want to head to Le Sad Store for a Venti coffee while he/she glances at a magazine they won't buy.

I hate my life.

Unpaved Road.

Now that I have some time to myself (I don't have to be at work until 7 tonight) it's about time I describe the interview I went to Monday afternoon.


Oh, where to begin.


As you may know I was uber excited about Monday's interview. It seems that every time I get an opportunity to leave Le Sad Store I am filled with so many different emotions. Anxiety, Excitement, Apprehension, Glee and Terror.



It has a lot to do with the fact that come September (unless I find a job in the next two week or so) i will be embarking on my 3rd year at Le Sad Store. Three years of crappy customer service and in store plays, three years of helping people buy books that they don't want to read and giving the stank eye to teenagers.


Time flies and I know this best of all. When I moved to New York I had no intention of being a bookseller for three years. The first couple of months I was adamant that I would be on the fast track to a job, stability and maybe even an apartment (with a cat named Jack). Hell, I spent more time then contemplating my exit strategy than I do now.


The first few months were frustrating because the bulk of my internal dialogue was very self righteous. I can't even recount the countless conversations I had with my mom that began and ended with 'I'm better than this, i can't do this job anymore, what the hell am I doing with my life" complaints. The only difference now is that instead of complaining about my situation I have, for quite some time, been making an effort to get a new job. I feel as productive as ever about my job search but am continually disappointed with the results.

And I know (I know) the economy is bad. No one is hiring. My situation is not unusual. But it doesn't stop me from feeling pangs of jealousy towards the people around me who have landed gigs since I have been at Le Sad Store. Like Jenn (the girl who wanted me to move in with her) who is now working at some immigration law firm. Or the utterly boooooring Pamela, who recently graduated but got a job in mental health counseling and now may have a job in the city (via her facebook announcement). Even dumb funny Ryan, who was fired from the store a year ago for showing up high on a regular basis, is now selling life insurance in the city while he attends Columbia University.


And plenty other people have come and gone too: Evan, Ana, Erin, David, Paul, Kristina, Rachel. And every time someone else leaves it makes me feels as if the effort i'm putting in isn't one at all.


And it doesn't matter that I have NO interest in doing any of the jobs they've all landed. My jealousy stems more from them getting out of Le Sad Store rather than them finding (un)desirable employment. But it still makes me feel very frustrated. As if my attempts aren't really attempts at all because I've seen so little results.


And honestly, I just don't know how many more career books I can buy or interview suggestions I can read online. I already have a pile of job related books taking up space in my room that I am desperate to get rid of. I am completely and utterly over searching for a job but I don't have a choice but to keep trudging. I don't have any other choice but to wake up, go to work, try not to curse someone out and sleep so I can do it all over again.

But If I have to run into any more ex-employees of Le Sad Store who drop by just to see how 'we' are holding up I might just barf. This is literally making the job search unbearable and my time at Le Sad Store more heartbreaking. Ever so often someone who use to work there will stop by and want to chat and discuss old times. Of course they never are there to shop for books, it's always 'oh, i was in the area' thought I'd stop by to see who was left...to see if anything changed'

And of course I am there to remind that nothing has changed at all, not even me.

So when I was contacted for an interview from the Vice President of what I thought was a 'really cool' production/distribution company I was elated. I haven't had an interview since March and that one sort of left me feeling crappy. I spent more time defending myself as a bookseller than explaining why my experience in book publishing (including sales) would be transferable to a literary agency.

He actually told me that the position would be 'a leap' for someone in my situation. That going from book sales to a job within a literary agency was 'a little impractical'.


And while I shot back hard "I wouldn't call it an impractical leap. This isn't a leap, from say, working in medicine and then deciding one day that I want to pursue a career in publishing. I am versed in all areas of publishing from book sales to editorial and production. It's more of a transition to an appropriate area than anything else', he has now being the voice of doubt in my head


Sometimes I still hear his voice telling me that I cannot do this, that I should consider being a bookseller for good. I hear his voice and it beats down my confidence (though I know one day it will give me strength) with his stupid assertions. I still have fears, if you can call them that I am unqualified for things. From receptionist jobs to even sales associate things, I am consumed with unwavering fears that I am only book smart and nothing more.

And yeah, i've gotten some interviews and made some impressions but I am still at Le Sad Store and miserable. And I worry that it is because I am starting to believe what he said may be true.


But thoughts only consume me 5% of the time. I push them away as much as I can. I continue to apply and commit myself to finding better employment. And when I was invited in for an interview I was prepared to rock it. F*ck _____ Literary Agency and their dumb insensitive totally off the mark boss.

I found the opening for this job on a site that I frequent often. They are pretty good resource for me because the jobs are related only on the creative field. 3 out of the 4 interviews I have gone on have been from using this job site and they post listings from huge organization to smaller but still reputable agencies.

From the description of this job I knew I was a little unqualified. The opening was for a Sales Coordinator with a television distribution company that I have never heard of but was excited to pursue regardless. I researched their website before sending off my cover letter and resume was all sorts of excited about the opportunity to join an company where my sales background would be an asset rather than a questionable work experience. And from the description it seemed like a role I could grow in with a company well know internationally.


Outside of preparing for Sales Related questions, I bought a nice skirt and shirt to complement my new found confidence. I looked all sort of professional the morning of and even had some industry related questions to ask.

And this is where things fell to shit. But not on my part.


The moment I get to the interview I am quickly struck by how small the office is, if you can even call it that. It is literally a small loft with a partition creating an extra office space. It was as if someone rented out a room in a really expensive building to make as their own personal studio. And because I am use to working in Sales I quickly noticed how little room there was to conduct any of the Sales related job responsibilities posted in the ad.

In fact, there wasn't room for more than three people to work out of the office.

Don't worry. This was not a sketchy 'oh shit I've just walked into a really scary situation' scenario but this was definitely not the thriving, exciting, distribution company I imagined in my mind. Furthermore this was not the team oriented, fast paced, sales environment I applied to. Turns out, the distribution company is tiny (only 65 employees work for the whole damn company;throughout 5 countries) and the Sales Coordinator position was really a 'Personal Assistant' gig to a newly formed division of the company. The guy, who actually is the vice president, works out of a small office in midtown Manhattan where he is the sole operator of the office.


The job would encompass everything but Sales including 'you see that broom in the corner' 'yes' 'I'd need someone to sweep up every once in a while too'. Not only was I unqualified for the position (not the sweeping part but the 'I need but the person I hire for this job to be my right hand man' 'meaning' 'if i were to get hit by a bus while i were away on business, i would need you to run this office as if you were me' 'well, lets hope you don't get run over by any buses soon'.

The main issue with the whole interview was that I wasn't even interviewing for the damn job I applied to online. There was no Sales Team or thriving, fast paced environment. There was no opportunity for growth or working in a group setting. Instead it was a solitary, all encompassing, 'i need someone who doesn't need training' situation. Which wasn't at all what he describe in the job description.


This wasn't even a situation where I felt like I'd blown the interview. He obviously stretched the truth on the job site about the job title and because I walked in having all of my Sales knowledge present I was not prepared to answer anything about film distribution. While I have never been on a blind date I can only equate my interview on Monday to one. We didn't click. There was no connection and I sort of wanted it to be over so I could go home (or go to the Moma with Heather as I ended up doing).


It was a hot mess. When I got in the elevator I was consumed with...laughter. The whole thing was absurd. He'd wasted my time, by posing the job as a Sales Coordinator position when it turned out to be everything but, and I'd wasted his by not knowing anything about Film Distribution or the company.

I am not sad that this did not work out. In fact, I even went against business etiquette by not sending him a thank you email and letter. I refused to extend any gratitude after his false advertisement. It is not a job I would ever want to do for so many reasons, and for him to obviously stretch the truth to get more applicants to apply was a little shady.

But I am sad that I am back at square one. That I am back in line to search for new and better employment. I don't know what else I can do to find a job. I just don't. And at this point I am doubting the road I am on because thus far it has lead me nowhere.

I did end the day on a high note though. Heather and I made plans to hit up the Moma and then Dylans Candy shop in the city after my interview. And let me tell you it was the relief I needed after that horrible mess of a job interview. We had a blast walking around midtown Manhattan and taking pictures. The Moma turned out to be an exciting place of contemporary art and a Post Secret exhibit. And Dylan's candy. Well, need I say more. It was three floors of candy, candy, candy and a bakery on the third floor. I'll try to upload the pictures later on this week.

So yeah, back at square one. I've applied to some literary agency's this week and hope to hear something back from one or two of them. My spirits aren't down but am very tired of the search. It feels like am a directionless and that is possibly the worst feeling ever.

Ack, It's Monday!

Sooooo my interview is today. Holy crap I'm a bundle of nerves.





Yesterday at Le Sad Store was absolutely hectic and crazy. Despite torrential rain and looming thunderstorm people were at the store as if we were going out of business. The moment I walked in I couldn't helped but feel swamped by the amount of people crowding the aisles and cafe.





When I finally clocked in, I found out that three people called out and that we would be short staffed the whole night. Because the interview for today is scheduled a lot later than I am use to having them (mid afternoon, instead of early morning) I have contemplated whether to call out from work interview day (today) instead of coming in.





I mean, I rarely called out and I have gone to interviews before with work just hours away. I decided that I would get to work on Sunday and see how I felt. Sunday would determine whether I would want to go in; especially with a six day work week (because Evil Manager is a...evil manager).





Needless to say, I am calling out today. Yesterday was dreadful and I may have cried in an aisle. The three people who called out did so because of a party they were all attending ( i know, because they told me via texts) and combined with the state of the store and the mood of customers I quickly decided that I would call out today. Yeah, it ain't happening. After my shower, I hope I'll have a better excuse (stomach ailments) for this Interview/Bueller Day.





Outside of the disaster that was last night, I am completely excited about the interview today. I feel confident and spiffy (a tad bit nervous) and just plain excited to talk about my awesomeness to the HR Manager. This job is amazing and the company is too, and for once I feel like everything I have learned in the last three years will translate well in this sales position.





It is raining something awful outside but I will take it as a good sign. Heather and I have plans after the Big Interview to grab cupcakes and walk around the city (hence the bueller day) with two prospective new jobs at our fingertips.





I haven't been this excited in a very long time! I am so ready to take control of my life and this job will be the first step in doing so.

Ack! Time to get ready.

Butterfly Stomach.

It's Friday and I have a lot to do.

Now that I have had a a few days to digest, dance because of, freak out on and silently pray about my interview I am slowing putting everything together before 2pm Monday afternoon.

In an exciting turn of events Blue and Heather also got interviews next week, making August a hell of a lot more exciting than I could have ever imagined. At 25, the bulk of my conversations with friends involves our fears and anxiety about stability or rather our lack of it. Some of us, simply want to be able to um, have crappy entry level jobs that will at least get us into the career world.

Blue sent me a text the other day that he'd gotten an interview and was both nervous and excited about it. I of course then had to admit that I too had an interview and was (am) feeling the same sort of general worries.We spent the bulk of the day trying to hype each other up: "we can do this", "we are smart and intelligent" "we have the experience" "go team, go" before wishing each other luck.

The thought of leaving Le Sad Store is all consuming. While I prepare to answer questions about why I am qualified and damn well good enough for this job, the me who thinks a million and one steps ahead of where I am, can't get thoughts of financial stability, weekends off and not having to deal with ashats at Le Sad Store out of my head. This week, evil manager, once again told us that hours will be slashed if we don't sell enough members benefit cards but she is still hiring new people in a few weeks to compensate for the lack of man power we have on the floor.

Complete bullshit.

I am wearing thin at Le Sad Store. All of my resources are being used to the point where I don't have any said up for my own happiness. Next week, I am working 6 days, all closing shifts, because Evil manager is an idiot. Unless you have a position within the store that requires you to be there in the morning (shelving, newsstand, receiving) the only hours available are closing shifts. And I hate closing. I hate having to usher people out of the store because they ignored the closing damn made 15 minutes before close. I then hate having to clean up after people and straighten shit and getting home around midnight on a Monday.

I've been at Le Sad Store for so long, I feel like a captive who dreams of what freedom would look like...on a daily basis. And at 25, it simple consists a job that is demanding, challenging where I can establish professional experience. It is of having an office desk, an office extension, oh and money to spend on cooking and writing things.

I was so defeated after the last interview because he made me feel like I couldn't be anything more than a bookseller. But I know I am much more than that. I am smart and savvy and interesting. I am capable of doing so much more.

So yeah, this interview on Monday is a big deal for me because I have the opportunity to alter my living situation and I will have a job that is pretty freaking awesome! My stomach is in all kinds of knots because of this though. I'll have to keep it together until Monday.

I have made a list of things I need to do today, including: buying a new interview outfit, researching the company(outside of what I've already done), running prep interview questions, dancing, getting my resume and references printed on some fine paper and not freaking out.

I have a little money saved to buy a new interview outfit (but still inexpensive) because the suit that I have is very heavy for August and I'd rather not be a sweaty applicant. I want to do a dress skirt, blazer thing that is professional yet light. And what I have discovered is that when I look great, I feel confident. I need to be confident on Monday. I need to have my shit together. I need to sell myself and my ability to do the job. Looking sharp will help!

T-minus three days before the Big Interview. God, I'm nervous. Excited and Scared. I have suddenly become the 25 year old who wants stability over anything else. And I am completely okay with this.

Wish me luck.

Will This Be My Year?

I just got an interview with the company of my dreams!

Snerks Gerks. I am now nervous and excited. This is my first interview since the disastrous literary agency one (where he pretty much said I should consider being a bookseller, for life) and to say this is a big deal is an understatement.

What to do? What to do? First thing, don't freak out. Secondly, prepare to rock this interview like my life is on the line. No pressure, right?

I scheduled it for this Monday to give me some preparing time. "How to land a job" pointers would be much appreciated as I have not been great in that department.

I'm excited. And freaking out. And pondering what I should wear and say. Oh damn, let the madness begin.

The Walk Of Shame

Guess who didn't get home until 8:30 this morning. Yeah, this chick and I don't even have a cool torrid story of a passionate night with Sufjan Stevens to thank for it.

I know the term "walk of shame" has little to do with the events I am about to describe but the title seems fitting; especially because I looked all sorts of shame filled as I walked home wearing the same clothes and hair a mess in the wee hours of the morning.

Before I left for vacation I agreed to work a weird overnight shift at Le Sad Store (upon my arrival) because of current renovations taking place there. Apparently this happens ever so often. Planograms come down from corporate as they make changes to Le Sad Store based on the ever changing face of book retail.

I hate that while I work at a bookstore we are constantly reminded, from managers, the people aren't really buying books anymore. Not at Big, Dumb, Bookstores that sell Coffee and Charades next to aisle containing books by James Joyce and Kerouac anyway. Instead, the way 'some' companies are staying afloat has a lot to do with how little books they actually sell. If people aren't buying as many books as they use to, fill the place with other options. Games, stationery, school supplies, oh and did I mention coffee. Before you know it a bookstore looks less like a bookstore and more like a Department store or Target save all the red.

We knew in advance that a big changeover was upon us. Less books, more crap and a month or so of people (who agreed) working overnight shifts to help the 'renovation' without the hassle of customers. Not dealing with customers was the main reason I agreed to work an overnight or two. Thought I've never done one before I figured I could come to work in regular clothes, not deal with customers and spend all night moving things around with friends. How hard could that be.

The answer is: extremely.

I only found out last Tuesday that I would be working an overnight this Sunday and I was a little more nervous than I thought I would be. For one, I am a sleeper. I sleep a lot. I can sleep for 8 hours, take a four nap and still find another 8 hours to sleep when I get home. I am not even sure the math adds up (4+8+8= 20. That can't be right. And yes, I had to use a calculator) but the point is I have a sleep schedule that I am not entirely proud of but that I follow very well and which would be greatly altered with an overnight.

Secondly, the overnight crew has for the past few weeks consisted of six people working a shift. For some reason, this was downgraded on Sunday to three (a one manager) people in 'charge' of greatly altering the landscape of the kids department.

While I was excited to learn that McAbs (memba' him) would be working the overnight with me, I was still a little...apprehensive. From 9pm to 5:30 in the morning I would have to haul ass to complete an entire renovation of the children's department before morning.

I quickly solved the sleep dilemma by sleeping in all day Sunday. I then bought coffee and red bull when I got to work and stored them in the fridge to be consumed only when deemed necessary. The first part of the night went well. I didn't get tired (or cranky) as quickly as I thought I would. The nice manager bought pizza and made cupcakes for us so I was buzzed from greasy pizza and cupcakes. And while I may never be allowed to use a hammer again I didn't break anything worth replacing.

But closing with McAbs (and my other potential work crush; a nerdy guy who forced me to watch Star Wars or threatened defriending me. in life) was not as great as I thought it would be. I have really absurd ideas about relationships due to my lack of substantial ones. While McAbs and I (and to an extend Star Wars dude) continue to have a really weird flirty thing going on, I can't help but weigh the options of what more there could be between us. You know, if he was single and all.

Because I do like McAbs. Not on the same level as I liked Simon but boys are different. McAbs is a handy, smart, sometimes crude guy who makes me laugh and gives great hugs. He has this running joke that I am his 'work' girlfriend in part because we act like we are in a relationship at work. I nag him about being a brute and forgetting to hug me before he leaves and he ....well okay, so he isn't much of faux boyfriend but he gives really great hugs. I'm a sucker for hugs.

But trust me it's completely innocent. I would never put myself in the position for him to take advantage or for me to get my feelings hurt. He does have a girlfriend and i morals so outside being playful it has gone past the Danger Zone (I've been watching a lot of Archer lately. the phrase is permanently stuck in my head)

I am more than open to a healthy relationship with a single, cute and smart boy who is interested only in being good to me. More than ever it's sort of what I want. Everything else about my life is so unstable (money, job, the damn weather) that having a significant other would be nice.

But until then I sort of still live in la-la lands of what if's in the boy department . I still run truly inappropriate scenarios in my mind involving McAbs and kissy face. And yes, I was a tad excited about 'spending the night' with McAbs,for the most part, alone in Le Sad Store where we could interact (and talk) outside of customers and watchful managers. Because outside of him driving me home on occasions I rarely interact with Mcabs outside of work. He lives in a different town, has a girlfriend and other friends. And because I know that I am a different person once my work shoes come off, I kind of wanted to see McAbs for who he is outside of the constraints of work. Though the irony being that we were both at working during my little experiment.

But after last night I don't think I could tolerate McAbs longer than 20 minutes in the 'real world'. Though he is very cute and muscly and green eye-d (sometimes blue) he was a mess of a boy come the last half of our shift. Not only did he eat too much pizza, drink too much coffee and then complain of stomach ailments the rest of the night but he was frustratingly hard to talk to. When he wasn't talking about his 'junk' or what could be done with his 'junk' or why i would enjoy the 'junk' he was irritable and snappish.

At one point he was like 'i don't mean to complain' followed by a complain and all I could do was walk away for his safety and mine. And i know that we weren't in a typical outside of work environment (being at work and all) but we had the luxury of interacting with each other like two people and he was completely an ass.

He also did not look as vulnerable and cute come 3am, which I imagined all boys happen to be, in the morning when the weariness set in. He was just a big, honking, mess of repeated bathroom runs (he really did eat too much) and frustration. Not only that but both boys got kind of antsy when 5:30 rolled around and we still had a shit more things to do in the department. While I was committed to staying until I possibly couldn't the boys were ready to go and the nice manager sent them home instead of listening to them bitch.

As they were leaving, I was in the music department reloading the cd player for when McAbs and Star Wars Nerd asked if they should stay and help. I don't think that's a question you ask when two other people are staying. Hell, I was tired too. But I wanted to complete the project I was there to do AND I didn't want to leave the manager with a hell of a mess on her hands. And for some reason I thought they should have wanted to stay too. You know, to man up and stick it out. But they didn't. So I ignored them both put on some Adele and worked an extra three hours doing as much as I could while Rolling in the Deep played on rotation.

By the time I left it was 8:30, and I was all sorts of rough looking. People on the street looked at me as if I had just had some scandalous evening with a man and I was too tired to even shoot them the 'if you only knew the half of it story'. Yeah, this week is a not a good week for my crush on Mcabs. And my Walk of Shame was uneventful and tiring. I guess it's for the best.

Of course my back (from all the shifting and lifting and curling up in a ball )is a wreck now and I am all sorts of achy. I suppose another shower would help but at this point moving is damn near impossible. I have also not slept in 24 hours, in order to make sleeping a lot easier tonight, and cannot wait until it is bedtime (I imagine I will look something like my cat, pictured above, when sleep rolls around).

Dear Life, please start getting a little more manageable. I would greatly appreciate it.