Guess who didn't get home until 8:30 this morning. Yeah, this chick and I don't even have a cool torrid story of a passionate night with Sufjan Stevens to thank for it.
I know the term "walk of shame" has little to do with the events I am about to describe but the title seems fitting; especially because I looked all sorts of shame filled as I walked home wearing the same clothes and hair a mess in the wee hours of the morning.
Before I left for vacation I agreed to work a weird overnight shift at Le Sad Store (upon my arrival) because of current renovations taking place there. Apparently this happens ever so often. Planograms come down from corporate as they make changes to Le Sad Store based on the ever changing face of book retail.
I hate that while I work at a bookstore we are constantly reminded, from managers, the people aren't really buying books anymore. Not at Big, Dumb, Bookstores that sell Coffee and Charades next to aisle containing books by James Joyce and Kerouac anyway. Instead, the way 'some' companies are staying afloat has a lot to do with how little books they actually sell. If people aren't buying as many books as they use to, fill the place with other options. Games, stationery, school supplies, oh and did I mention coffee. Before you know it a bookstore looks less like a bookstore and more like a Department store or Target save all the red.
We knew in advance that a big changeover was upon us. Less books, more crap and a month or so of people (who agreed) working overnight shifts to help the 'renovation' without the hassle of customers. Not dealing with customers was the main reason I agreed to work an overnight or two. Thought I've never done one before I figured I could come to work in regular clothes, not deal with customers and spend all night moving things around with friends. How hard could that be.
The answer is: extremely.
I only found out last Tuesday that I would be working an overnight this Sunday and I was a little more nervous than I thought I would be. For one, I am a sleeper. I sleep a lot. I can sleep for 8 hours, take a four nap and still find another 8 hours to sleep when I get home. I am not even sure the math adds up (4+8+8= 20. That can't be right. And yes, I had to use a calculator) but the point is I have a sleep schedule that I am not entirely proud of but that I follow very well and which would be greatly altered with an overnight.
Secondly, the overnight crew has for the past few weeks consisted of six people working a shift. For some reason, this was downgraded on Sunday to three (a one manager) people in 'charge' of greatly altering the landscape of the kids department.
While I was excited to learn that McAbs (memba' him) would be working the overnight with me, I was still a little...apprehensive. From 9pm to 5:30 in the morning I would have to haul ass to complete an entire renovation of the children's department before morning.
I quickly solved the sleep dilemma by sleeping in all day Sunday. I then bought coffee and red bull when I got to work and stored them in the fridge to be consumed only when deemed necessary. The first part of the night went well. I didn't get tired (or cranky) as quickly as I thought I would. The nice manager bought pizza and made cupcakes for us so I was buzzed from greasy pizza and cupcakes. And while I may never be allowed to use a hammer again I didn't break anything worth replacing.
But closing with McAbs (and my other potential work crush; a nerdy guy who forced me to watch Star Wars or threatened defriending me. in life) was not as great as I thought it would be. I have really absurd ideas about relationships due to my lack of substantial ones. While McAbs and I (and to an extend Star Wars dude) continue to have a really weird flirty thing going on, I can't help but weigh the options of what more there could be between us. You know, if he was single and all.
Because I do like McAbs. Not on the same level as I liked Simon but boys are different. McAbs is a handy, smart, sometimes crude guy who makes me laugh and gives great hugs. He has this running joke that I am his 'work' girlfriend in part because we act like we are in a relationship at work. I nag him about being a brute and forgetting to hug me before he leaves and he ....well okay, so he isn't much of faux boyfriend but he gives really great hugs. I'm a sucker for hugs.
But trust me it's completely innocent. I would never put myself in the position for him to take advantage or for me to get my feelings hurt. He does have a girlfriend and i morals so outside being playful it has gone past the Danger Zone (I've been watching a lot of Archer lately. the phrase is permanently stuck in my head)
I am more than open to a healthy relationship with a single, cute and smart boy who is interested only in being good to me. More than ever it's sort of what I want. Everything else about my life is so unstable (money, job, the damn weather) that having a significant other would be nice.
But until then I sort of still live in la-la lands of what if's in the boy department . I still run truly inappropriate scenarios in my mind involving McAbs and kissy face. And yes, I was a tad excited about 'spending the night' with McAbs,for the most part, alone in Le Sad Store where we could interact (and talk) outside of customers and watchful managers. Because outside of him driving me home on occasions I rarely interact with Mcabs outside of work. He lives in a different town, has a girlfriend and other friends. And because I know that I am a different person once my work shoes come off, I kind of wanted to see McAbs for who he is outside of the constraints of work. Though the irony being that we were both at working during my little experiment.
But after last night I don't think I could tolerate McAbs longer than 20 minutes in the 'real world'. Though he is very cute and muscly and green eye-d (sometimes blue) he was a mess of a boy come the last half of our shift. Not only did he eat too much pizza, drink too much coffee and then complain of stomach ailments the rest of the night but he was frustratingly hard to talk to. When he wasn't talking about his 'junk' or what could be done with his 'junk' or why i would enjoy the 'junk' he was irritable and snappish.
At one point he was like 'i don't mean to complain' followed by a complain and all I could do was walk away for his safety and mine. And i know that we weren't in a typical outside of work environment (being at work and all) but we had the luxury of interacting with each other like two people and he was completely an ass.
He also did not look as vulnerable and cute come 3am, which I imagined all boys happen to be, in the morning when the weariness set in. He was just a big, honking, mess of repeated bathroom runs (he really did eat too much) and frustration. Not only that but both boys got kind of antsy when 5:30 rolled around and we still had a shit more things to do in the department. While I was committed to staying until I possibly couldn't the boys were ready to go and the nice manager sent them home instead of listening to them bitch.
As they were leaving, I was in the music department reloading the cd player for when McAbs and Star Wars Nerd asked if they should stay and help. I don't think that's a question you ask when two other people are staying. Hell, I was tired too. But I wanted to complete the project I was there to do AND I didn't want to leave the manager with a hell of a mess on her hands. And for some reason I thought they should have wanted to stay too. You know, to man up and stick it out. But they didn't. So I ignored them both put on some Adele and worked an extra three hours doing as much as I could while Rolling in the Deep played on rotation.
By the time I left it was 8:30, and I was all sorts of rough looking. People on the street looked at me as if I had just had some scandalous evening with a man and I was too tired to even shoot them the 'if you only knew the half of it story'. Yeah, this week is a not a good week for my crush on Mcabs. And my Walk of Shame was uneventful and tiring. I guess it's for the best.
Of course my back (from all the shifting and lifting and curling up in a ball )is a wreck now and I am all sorts of achy. I suppose another shower would help but at this point moving is damn near impossible. I have also not slept in 24 hours, in order to make sleeping a lot easier tonight, and cannot wait until it is bedtime (I imagine I will look something like my cat, pictured above, when sleep rolls around).
Dear Life, please start getting a little more manageable. I would greatly appreciate it.
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