Introverts Lament

Good god, today was just...awful.

The next time I have an IT related problem at work remind me not to call Le Sad Store's IT department. Doing so not only put me in the worst moods ever but I seriously had to leave work early in order not to stab someone. Yeah, it was pretty bad.

It seems that my absence was surely missed at Le Sad Store while I was away. After a coming home on Sunday and a much needed rest of Monday I was immediately thrust back into the work grind. The evil manager scheduled me to work six days in a row this week as if to make up for the long week and a half that I was away.

Working six days in a row is just not right, especially coming off a really great and relaxing vacation. But evil manager has a tendency of going around decency because she's evil and doesn't care if working six days in a row will wear you down. She often schedules people to do a clopen (a shift that consists of you closing the store, say a 5 to 11, only to have to work in the morning, say a 10-5) or a double or a six day work week and when you voice concerns about it she'll say something like "well, i do it all the time so suck it up".

Of course when someone says something like this to you a couple of things run through your mind: 'but you're a manager' 'who the hell cares if you've done it before', 'fuck'. I obviously had some concerns about working six days in a row but because I've been gone for so long I didn't want to say anything about having an extra day to myself. I simply and quite disappointingly 'sucked it up' because vacation was truly that amazing and I was fortunate enough to be able to take that many days off without it being an issue.

But oh, how being away can make you forget that people are stupid ashats, especially in retail. In the past six days I've come across a very rude lady from the Midwest ('your store is sooooo messy. this is nothing like the store i frequent where i live), an intolerable 'this is why i shop on amazon' guy and the regulars who don't by anything but constantly ask for help and/or complain about something.

The 'I shop on amazon guy' was especially aggravating because he would not stop telling me about, even though I showed no interest in listening to him, the reasons why our bookstore was going out of business. 'People, just don't buy books anymore' he continued after the 8 minutes of me trying to get him the hell out of the store so I could help someone else. After he said something along the lines of 'I think that's what killed your guys', I had to remind him that BORDERS is the bookstore chain going out of business not Le Sad Store and that people 'including yourself, who just so happens to be shopping in a bookstore today, still read books so Le Sad Store will be okay'.

He shrugged his shoulders (perhaps after realizing that the he'd gotten the bookstore mixed up and his comment that 'people don't buy books anymore' , as he was, er, um, buying books, completely contradicted his initial statement) and said 'well, amazon is still better'.

After five days of dumb questions, stank eyes, and one guy trying to hide the fact that he was reading porn in the medical reference section, I was running on empty. Lack of sleep, lack of patience, lack of ability to focus on anyone or thing. Just last week (or so ago) I was home, with my mom and my brother and three cats, enjoying the silence of the small town living and introverted bliss and am now I back into the bustle and hustle of retail, where I work around people who hate don't seem to like staying home.

The bookstore has become my worst nightmare. I am completely stumped by why people want to spend their weekends (or any day) at the store for long periods of time. From teenagers who detest reading but love Fraps, to grown adults who sit in the the store up until the minute we close, Le Sad Store is a place people come to to hang out in more so than buy books. Sure people love books, and some even buy them but for the most part working in a huge chain store opens your eyes to the real nature of book sales. The industry does not survive from folks like you and me who read books because we love them. The nerdy girls and boys who are very particular about the things we read and buy are not who shop in big chain bookstores.

Instead the 'omg! oprah recommended a new book' or the 'i just saw the movie so I now i must read the story' people are the ones purchasing books. And because every week some jerk on Fox news (no offense) or some critic from the new york times recommends a title, people come out in search of a recommendation they most likely will buy and then not read. This is the true nature of working at a big bookstore. People are sometimes surprised when they ramble a title to us and we don't have to search the computer to find out where it is. I have had several people say 'you must really know your books' and I sadly reply 'no, it's just people keep asking for the same title'.

As a book loving person, this is heartbreaking because I go to bookstores for the sole purpose of finding and buying literature. For me, books need to be discovered. Titles need to find you after a long search. I don't read the new york times to find a great recommendation. I talk to my friends, I search the aisle, I sometimes find a really cool book description in my favorite magazine (GQ, Nylon) which have become trusted sources. Because as a bibliophile, I like thumbing through the aisle in search of a title that catches my eye. I am a huge book nerd who appreciates the quality of readable books rather than mainstream trends (I'm talking about you 'Game of Thrones').

And as an introvert bookstores use to be a place where I could go and look for books and find solace in the quiet atmosphere. But now that I have slaved away in a bookstore, the sense of calm and solace I once felt in the place has all but evaporated. Not all bookstores of course, the small independents ones will always have my heart, but I don't think I will ever shop in a Le Sad Store once I leave. I have seen too many truly horrible things there that makes me think differently about bookstores in general. And when I have to work, lets say on the weekend, I can not for the life of understand why anyone, would want to leave the confides of their home to hang out in Le Sad Store. Why of all the places in the world, you'd want to come to an overly priced, insufficiently stocked place where teenagers crowd the aisles and a diet book is the number 1 bestselling item in the store.

I guess this is why on the weekends, I am in no mood to play nice with strangers. I am very curt and too the point and desperate to get them out of the store as quick as possible. People have a tendency of being much more of a douche on the weekends and I catch myself having to take a breather every once in a while to regain composure. to bit my tongue. to remember that I am a person above all else.

But six days can wear a person down, and today I was just...over it, more than usual. The moment we opened it was one thing after another and after having one of the worst IT experiences ever I asked to go home early. I simply removed my name tag, dropped my work phone in a managers hand and said I was going home. two hours early. screw working six days.

You remember that SNL skit where Jimmy Fallon plays the annoying and self righteous computer guy Nick Burns. I may have gotten him on the phone today and because he wasn't close enough to strangle all I could do was silently cry inside. I've never had to call IT at work before, because I don't deal with any digital e-reader questions, but because people come to customer service instead of the digital service counter located near the cash registers, I sometimes have to field questions as best as I can.

Unfortunately I got a question that was not easy for me to answer and the manager, standing near by, wanted me to call IT support in order to resolve the issue. When I call the IT guy, who talked a mile a minute, he tried to have me explain to two very confused and not tech savvy customers how to resolve their digital issue. That went all to shit quickly.

On one end, I have fucking Nick Burns, sounding very frustrated (he did one of those 'talking through your teeth, closed mouths, exasperated thing) and annoyed that I am not explaining the solution better and on the other end I have a nice, but terribly tech-less, gentleman repeating 'what'd he say, huh, what does that mean, dear he wants to send me an email where, aol, my password is fluffy, say what?'.

It was like the game telephone, I being on the receiving end of two very different descriptions of the same damn message at the same damn time. At one point, I casually drop the phone on Nick Burns and walk away from the very old and confused customer to find a manager. I try to explain to her that someone else has to help, that there is no way I can talk to Nick Burns and the old guy and the help the seven customers now waiting in line. Because she is no help, I eventually decided to revolve the issue by putting 'nick' on the phone with 'old guy' and having them talk it out.

And then, i let the manager know that I was not feeling well and was going home. She let me leave early of course (i wish I would have just walked out), and I then proceeded to spend the next four hours under my covers.I haven't done that in a while.

I just don't think I can do this anymore. I am tired and frustrated and so unhappy at Le Sad Store it hurts. I need there to be some sort of change already. While I am sort of nervous about taking on the responsibility of dare i say, a real job, there is no way I continue at the bookstore unless I want to lose my sanity.

Luckily I have tomorrow off and Heather and I are going to grab lunch and discuss job hunting woes. I haven't hung out with her since the end of May and I am looking forward to being around someone who doesn't work with me. Is it sad that I just got back from vacation and I am in need of another break from things.