Butterfly Stomach.

It's Friday and I have a lot to do.

Now that I have had a a few days to digest, dance because of, freak out on and silently pray about my interview I am slowing putting everything together before 2pm Monday afternoon.

In an exciting turn of events Blue and Heather also got interviews next week, making August a hell of a lot more exciting than I could have ever imagined. At 25, the bulk of my conversations with friends involves our fears and anxiety about stability or rather our lack of it. Some of us, simply want to be able to um, have crappy entry level jobs that will at least get us into the career world.

Blue sent me a text the other day that he'd gotten an interview and was both nervous and excited about it. I of course then had to admit that I too had an interview and was (am) feeling the same sort of general worries.We spent the bulk of the day trying to hype each other up: "we can do this", "we are smart and intelligent" "we have the experience" "go team, go" before wishing each other luck.

The thought of leaving Le Sad Store is all consuming. While I prepare to answer questions about why I am qualified and damn well good enough for this job, the me who thinks a million and one steps ahead of where I am, can't get thoughts of financial stability, weekends off and not having to deal with ashats at Le Sad Store out of my head. This week, evil manager, once again told us that hours will be slashed if we don't sell enough members benefit cards but she is still hiring new people in a few weeks to compensate for the lack of man power we have on the floor.

Complete bullshit.

I am wearing thin at Le Sad Store. All of my resources are being used to the point where I don't have any said up for my own happiness. Next week, I am working 6 days, all closing shifts, because Evil manager is an idiot. Unless you have a position within the store that requires you to be there in the morning (shelving, newsstand, receiving) the only hours available are closing shifts. And I hate closing. I hate having to usher people out of the store because they ignored the closing damn made 15 minutes before close. I then hate having to clean up after people and straighten shit and getting home around midnight on a Monday.

I've been at Le Sad Store for so long, I feel like a captive who dreams of what freedom would look like...on a daily basis. And at 25, it simple consists a job that is demanding, challenging where I can establish professional experience. It is of having an office desk, an office extension, oh and money to spend on cooking and writing things.

I was so defeated after the last interview because he made me feel like I couldn't be anything more than a bookseller. But I know I am much more than that. I am smart and savvy and interesting. I am capable of doing so much more.

So yeah, this interview on Monday is a big deal for me because I have the opportunity to alter my living situation and I will have a job that is pretty freaking awesome! My stomach is in all kinds of knots because of this though. I'll have to keep it together until Monday.

I have made a list of things I need to do today, including: buying a new interview outfit, researching the company(outside of what I've already done), running prep interview questions, dancing, getting my resume and references printed on some fine paper and not freaking out.

I have a little money saved to buy a new interview outfit (but still inexpensive) because the suit that I have is very heavy for August and I'd rather not be a sweaty applicant. I want to do a dress skirt, blazer thing that is professional yet light. And what I have discovered is that when I look great, I feel confident. I need to be confident on Monday. I need to have my shit together. I need to sell myself and my ability to do the job. Looking sharp will help!

T-minus three days before the Big Interview. God, I'm nervous. Excited and Scared. I have suddenly become the 25 year old who wants stability over anything else. And I am completely okay with this.

Wish me luck.