Good Grief March.

That last two days I have woken up to the sight of snow outside. What the hell march, I thought the saying was in like a 'lion out like a lamb' not 'in like a lion out like the terrain where polar bears roam'. It's kind of bizarre

The last few days have been a little hectic. Angie was suppose to come up this weekend for round two of our Nerd Day in the City Extravaganza. But, I wasn't really feeling the idea of having her in my space for a few days. The last time she came up we generally had a really good time. But she complained about her current situation (suckass job, suckass relationship, suckass everything) the whole weekend. While I am a fan of bitching there comes a certain point where you have to man up or stop talking about how crappy everyhing is. Especially to me.

I am pretty much in the same boat she is. This is why we bonded so easily when she started working at Le Sad Store. Angie is funny and intelligent and a really cool girl to know. I sometimes wish we would have gotten an apartment together instead of her moving back to the Midwest before she eventually setting in DC.


But lately I've come to the realization that our friendships hangs on the similarities of our very desperate situation (a need for a new job + more money). But where Angie is wallowing in anxiety I am actually succeeding in the optimism department. Despite this latest rejection I have a strong felling that I am weeks away from a new job. Somewhere.

I can't explain it. I just feel as if things are finally falling into place. I love living in New York, I love being surrounded by beautiful things to discover (and take pictures of). Sure money is a huge concern for me, sure I will have to find a way to balance a social life with my passionate pursuits to write and enjoy solitude. But I know I can do it.


So sometimes, it can be quite the downer talking to Angie when all she wants to discuss are the pains of life. And she keeps saying things like "I don't know how you do what you do in New York' without a well paying job'. Yeah. Thanks. That makes me feel all sorts of great.

My therapist once said that I have a tendenacy of not being in the moment. That my constant need to prepare for things often means I am not just enjoying 'right now'. It's true. I am always a million steps ahead (mentally) with plans for the future. I spend a lot of time imagining what my life 5 years from now will look like that I am not present to my life now. It often makes me very nostaglic for things I missed out on.

The present is hectic and shaky. Sometimes it sucks hard and more than every I feel like I am the struggling artist I never want to be. But I want to look back on these days with fondness not with a sense that I missed out on my 20's. And I sure as hell don't want to spend the bulk of it complaining about what I don't have.

So I cancelled plans with Angie, because I knew that is what we would have spent the whole week doing. She even said this. We can talk about 'how horrible things are'. No thank you. Instead will have the weekend all to myself. Enjoying some down time and finishing up some projects around the house. I've had to take on more days this week though to compensate for my weekend off, so i've had a lot less me time to sit, write and reflect. My apologies.

But it will be worth it. I haven't had a proper weekend off since college. I am very excited. I wanted to see Jane Eyre this weekend in the city but decided against that because it will cost me more to get to the city than the cost of admission to see the movie. Instead I will stay close to home. While I am not all for spring cleaning, I do want to perk up my room especially since the sun (wherever you are) is about these days. My room is awesome. Hardwood floors, old school, windows with lace curtains and built in shelves to store my hoards of books.

Unfortunately I am bit of a mess. The room is chaotic and in serious need of some TLC. While I can't go all out and decorate as I would like to, I want to buy a few items to welcome in the spring. I'm just in the mood for some sort of subtle newness. Nothing major but something to add to the mix, something that will brighten up the space. Maybe i'll buy a plant.


I've also been cooking up a storm these days especially in the mornings when I have the house to myself. I may be the only human being who loves cooking for one, but so be it. I made a delicious Parmesan noodle dish the other day that still has my stomach growling in happiness. I made it while wearing a new dress and slippers I bought from H&M (thanks K!) and and minutes away from venturing to the kitchen again to cook up something else.


Things are good. Things are better. And when this snow finally melts it'll feel like spring here with all of it's beautiful and subtle newness. I have the urge to come up with spring activities that will get me out of the house and into the fresh air. For once, I am actually looking forward to it.



~Becks.