Going Through the Motions.

Apparently my weekend was so awesome it has caused me to be MIA for a little bit. Sorry. I am suffering from a bad case of lethargy these days, and the weekend away from Le Sad Store has only added to this.

It's a brutal mix of 'I know I should be doing something but I'm really not feeling up to it'. While I celebrated the beginning of the month with a band (birthday, new job prospect, fire in my belly) and I am ending it on a much somber note (impending snow storm, more Le Sad Store bs, nervous belly).

I guess that march "comes in like a lion out like a lamb' phrase not only applies to the weather. Maybe it's stress. Maybe it's ennui (a word I like a lot). Maybe it's my want for things to be so much better than they are now but inability to make it so. Nonetheless I am restless, out of sorts of just going through the motions these days.

I think the weekend has something to do it. My two days of complete solitude were amazing. I lounged and danced and wished beyond hope that I could have more weekends where I am not at Le Sad Store. I venture outside of Saturday to collect some food from the grocery store. I may not know how to shop for clothes or shoes but when it comes to food and books (and music) I am awesome. It's as simple as that.

I headed to the supermarket extra early and bought fresh fruits and granola. I also picked up pretzels for my mason jar project. When I got home, I cleaned my very disgusting room and spent the rest of my day dancing uncontrollably and singing rather loudly.

When Sunday rolled around I had no plans outside of reading and listening to an album from the first track to the last. I have a tendency of buying only singles and the bulk of the albums on my itunes playlist are incomplete. So I spent Sunday listening to my archives. Coldplay's Parachute, Edie Brickell Shooting Rubberbands and Beach House Teen Dream.

When Sunday night came to a close I fought sleep. And not because the weekend was ending, I am use to that. But because I won't have another one until a) I get a new job or b) request another one off until I get a new job. I fear I won't have another weekend like that for a very longn time and there is something very upsetting about that.

When I finally succumb to sleep and Monday rolled around the cycle of worrying about things that I need to be worrying about began. So yeah, I've been a little out of it these days. I feel wayward and generally disinterested in things. And not in a depressive sort of way. I know they share similar characteristics but this is just general lack of focus and motivation this week.

I'm hoping my few plans for the weekend (two very different parties, one that I am definitely attending that other I will decide tomorrow night) will put me in a better and more active mood. And yeah, I definitely want and need to write more. I hate feeling sluggish. I hate not having the 'you can do it' fire in my belly. But after the awesomeness that was the month of March I can understand why my energy has been a little lately. It'll perk back up soon. I promise.

~Becks

Oh, and there is a dating debate going around that has me all sorts of confused lately. Apparently Dating is dead according to USA Today and Blue suggested that it's because the girls you want to date are in relationships and the ones who are available are single for a reason. WTF? This is a very guy centric view that is both grating and unnerving. I keep hearing that song by Dean Martin "You're Nobody Til' Somebody Loves You" which seems to suggest Blue's thought process but I don't think dating is dead. And single girls are not single because they aren't worthy of being with someone. Oh Blue, you have so much to learn.

I'll write more about this tomorrow.