Playdate

As a kid I had more Play dates than I can clearly remember now.

From pre-school to about the 3rd grade(before they are called hanging out) I was a frequent visitor to someone else's house.

My mom could not explain it. Especially since I was a pretty shy kid in school. Whatever the case by Kindergarten alone I went to at least 5 play dates that year. Who knows why.

There was the weird girl from summer camp whose house smelt of grill cheese. She had a basement full of toys but also liked to pick me up, which crept me out. Her house was really nice though, her mom decorated for each holiday elaborately and free grill cheese never hurt anybody.

Then there was Heather whose house I was almost at as much as mine. She was my best friend and play dates there were a frequent thing. Her mom would always order cheese pizza just for me(because I don't eat any kind of pizza then cheese...I know weird), and we spent our time playing in her pool, or in her bedroom. Her mom would take us out to the movies and ice skating. I had the most fun there.

There was Katie who had a playground in her backyard, Kevin who had a wicked awesome car collection, Diana who I stayed up to watch I Love Lucy with, and many more.

But the playdate I remember the most was with a boy named Christopher. I was in Kindergarten and he was the boy I always hung out with. For a kid he dressed super conservative in sweaters and corduroy pants( I have a picture as proof). He had blonde hair and green eyes, and was crush potential for sure. So I wasn't surprised when his mom talked to my mom about a potential play date.

So after school I headed to his house. It was this amazing modern house. White on the outside with a whole lot of windows. When I went inside there was a piano, and a huge kitchen and even a study. I was more impressed with the piano, which he even played(badly of course but still). We mainly played in the backyard, and he even showed me his computer. At the time he was the only kid I knew had a computer in his house.

It was an amazing play date, with cookies and sandwiches. We ended that playdate playing in the front yard, running through the sprinklers.

So 10+ years later, I was not expecting to embark on another playdate.

As I mention Mike had asked me to study over his house this weekend. I was not really feeling it though. This past week he has been annoying me with his stupid remarks during Math class. I hate when you have a friend who doesn't act the same way in front of you when other people are present. He gets rude and dismissive of me, like I am a child. Which is not cool under any circumstances. On Thursday we were playing a normal Uno game by ourselves. We were having fun until he noticed some people from his philosophy class studying near us. After he spotted them he was so preoccupied with what they were doing we were barely even playing. He then wanted them to join our Uno game, and being a little hesitant I was not feeling it. When we began playing the big game I was pretty much put down by him in front of the group, and at that point I was pretty much done with Uno and I left.

Sidenote: Trying to talk to my mom about the put down situation was a bust. Unfortunately she tries to do the mom thing, making decisions for me: "ignore him, don't talk to him, tell him off the next time he says something like that" but I realize that I don't want to do it her way. Maybe in trying to gain my independence I want to handle situations they way I feel they should be dealt. Even if they are wrong, at least they are mine. At least it could work for me. My mom has this idea that if it works for her then it will work for me also. But I can't be an individual without making my own mistakes, and I realize I may not be able to go to her for much advice if she doesn't allow me to figure out what to do on my own. Instead of trying to hold my hand

So yesterday morning as I climb out of bed very tired, I was in no mood to go. He told me to call him at 9:30 to wake him up, but as soon as I had gotten up my fun was ringing and he said he was 8minutes away from my dorm. Luckily I am the worlds fastest dresser. And in minutes I was brushed, dressed, and out the door where Mike was parked.

After an hour of trying to find a place to eat, we stopped at the mall and looked around(yeah great studying I know). I made a trip to my old Hot Topic store to see if they had any band t-shirts(which they didn't), and he finally got food.

Then we headed to his place....Now Mike is very...Wealthy. I don't know what his dad does but when I first met him and his Porsche I figured his dad must do something really good. He had talked about his house before but of course this being my first visit I didn't know what to except. He talked endlessly about his neighborhood during the drive. The clubhouse, the equestrian trail, the ponds and parks. Before stopping at his house we stopped at the new house they are building. It was HUGE. Though it was not nearly ready to move anyone into, we snuck in through an open door and roamed the house. I can't even explain it, saying it was a mansion would be an understatement. It was beautiful.

We then headed to his house, which was just as gorgeous as the one we had left. It was decorated with Christmas decor from the outside and like a museum in the inside. He gave the grand tour, and I guess at this moment I had a feeling this wasn't going to be a study Saturday. We snuck past his mom as he showed me the master bedroom, study, kitchen, living room. We then headed upstairs to his side of the house. As we reached the top of the stairs we entered into his living room, which then led to his bathroom and his bedroom. There were flat screen televisions every where in that house, which extended from the wall. Ever since I have known him I wondered why he never moved on campus, after seeing the house I knew why.

Though we got at least an hour of study time in, we spent the majority watching TV. From Nick cartoons to HGTV. After giving up on the studying, I ate Ramon Noodles and we hung out with his dogs in the back(one in which he offered to give me). He showed me more of his house, but by then it was mid afternoon and I had to head back.

I felt confused by this study session, seeing that we didn't get much of anything done. I felt I was just there for a play date, doing what I would have done in my own house on a Saturday.

Though his house was amazing, there was something about it that was...Lonely. His mom was downstairs typing away in her office. His grandmother was in one of the living room watching TV, and he had a whole section of the house to himself. Some how the house was devoid of...the thing needed to make it a home. I had talk about this in therapy, that that was the thing missing in my house of anxiety. A mark or crack in the wall, that gave it life. It was missing a presence. Even his room lacked posters or pictures, little off beat things that made it his.

At any moment I thought the walls would come falling down, exposing the camera crew and the art decorator waiting to fix it up. For such a big house, clearly letting people know they had money, it was devoid of letting anyone know and feel like it had love. There was a silence about the place, which I notice after seeing and the TV's(and lets admit in awe of the flat screen). Like there needed to be some external noise to make up for the lack of internal one.

The fun thing about being in other people's houses is that you get to see how they function. I'm never one to look in people's medicine cabinets, but there are clues all over the place. And despite not having the lavish home with the equestrian trail and homeowners society bullcrap, I'm happy that my house at least has a presence. That it at least feels like home.

Anyway

This week is going to be killer. It is Finals week for all us college students which mean I will be back to regular posting on Friday. Hopefully I will do as well as I think I can , but it still is a little stressful nonetheless. Sufjan's lovely face and voice will have to carry me through this week. Wish me luck, i need it.

Beckett.