Cancelled!!!!

Having a cancelled class in awesome. You get to sleep in late, catch up on homework you should have finished, and watch shows that you usually don't get to watch.

Having a cancelled class isn't fun however, when you don't get the email that class is cancelled, and you show up anyway...waiting like an idiot....in a near empty class.

Luckily I wasn't the only one who showed up to my very empty creative writing class this morning. Some girl, whose name i don't know but it's probably something really preppy, and a boy who is also in my Environmental lit class, showed up also to wait until we all agreed that we showed up for no reason, and class was probably cancelled.

The Boy, Michael, intimidates the shit out of me. He has this very abrasive, aggressive attitude which makes him a pain to be around. Not in the annoying guy way, or the annoying girl way...but in the "take it to the EXTREME sort of way".

He's always making suggestion on how the teachers can teach better, to make the class more efficient. One day when my very nice Environmental Lit professor handed out a set of questions he wanted the class to work on in small groups, Michael protested that the questions were difficult and we didn't have enough time to answer them thoroughly.

???

In my creative writing class he makes very hard critiques, almost bordering on rude. I heard him tell one girl that her poem was utter garbage. Not in those exact words, but with a tone that conveyed it. Needless to say, i avoid him at all cost, though sometimes(because he sits right in front of me ) he turns around in his seat and tries to make conversation with me.

Because there was only three of us today, i had to brace myself as he interrogated me for ten minutes. Did you do the readings for today? I wonder where everyone is. Did you check your email? Maybe i should go to his office and see what is up. Did we have any homework for Environmental Lit?

He was so close to my face as he was asking these questions i had to back up a little. He even went in my book bag (after i made a reference to a book are reading) and grabbed a book out to thumb through it. If i wasn't so shocked i would have cleared my throat, but i just stared as he went through my book, and then put it back in my book bag.

As i stared at "invader of my book bag" i instantly "geez i could never date an aggressive guy like this. I'd be on ends all day with him"

My mom keeps hinting on my nonexistent boy situation. At this point i think she either a) thinks I'm secretly a lesbian(not that there's anything wrong with that) or b) that I'm planning on becoming a nun (not that there's anything wrong with that)

I don't know how to tell her that a) I'm not a lesbian or a nun and b) that most of the guys on campus are abrasive and scary or I'm just filled with so much anxiety about relationships that i stray away from them.

It's so stupid that the one thing I want (and by one i mean several), which is companionship, is also the biggest thing i struggleg with. I know that i am this functioning person who is capable of relationships. The few that i do have are good, and my interactions with people prove that i am not this boring girl who repulses people. But i still have this lingering fear in situations like I just out of place and awkward

I've spent so much time in therapy harping about my recent writing lag that i have avoided the whole "social anxiety, stunting my social life" thing. And it would be really good to get my mother off my back about boys. I was talking on the phone with her the other day about The Constant Gardner, and that quickly turned into a "why don't you have a boyfriend conversation".

It was during my explantaion of why I have a thing against long movie's (I feel asleep during the Matrix and have yet to see any Harry Potter Movies because of the length) Anyway as we were talking my mother said "whenever you get a boyfriend i'll make sure to tell him not to drag you to any long movies"

It looks worse than it sounds, but it still stung. Geez.

Let me make some real friends first, and then i handle my nonexistant dating life.