Honeymoon is Over!!!

When me and my suitemate had that awesome talk at the beginning of the semester i was excited at the prospect of having a good neighbor.



But soon after out first conversation i began to suspect that she was a little more loony than i assumed.



First there was the "popping up every where thing" which annoyed me to know end. It was that friendly, hey we just manage to be in the same place at the same time thing. It was more like a "hey i see that you usually get to the dinning hall early, so I'll just get there super early so we can magically wait in line together"



Sometimes she is really loud in her room, as she if she wants me to hear that she is in then. Like if i hear her i will have the urge to knock on her door and ask her to hang out.



If i do see her walking down the street, her hi's are uber weird. She'll jump in my way and wave frantically with this huge Cheshire grin on her face.

I guess she can to a realization that i was not looking to be friends. Because she has become just more annoying in everything she does. She still comes early to the dining hall and talks so loudly in her conversations with other people, as i drift in Ipod land. She still continues to walk past my table several times, and out of all the tables and seats in this dining she picks the one directly in front of my table.

Weirdo.

I know, maybe i am the weird one. Maybe she's just trying to be a friend, but there is something about her that is off putting. Like if i let her into my life, i will have more shit to deal with. And not that good normal shit. But that crazy psycho friend shit.



I've been having a bad week, and trust me I've contemplating staying under the covers and letting the wave of unease pass me by.



Work has been less than fun. Kathleen is still a bitch. Amanda has been ignoring me. And Debbie Downer heard me say something about her to another co-worker. It wasn't anything incredibly damaging (like "hey i call my boss Debbie Downer behind her back"), but it was an uncomfortable situation nonetheless. Especially because she holds our friendship in such high regards.



On the home front my mom is minutes away from murdering my brother. He is finally about to move out, but still he's annoying as sin itself. She resorts to talking about him to me in her closet, so she can rant and rave about him. My cats are shitting all over the house, in regards to my absence (I'm beginning to suspect) and Marie is conveying (over the phone) that she is depressed and angry about certain aspects of her life which i get to hear over and over again.



Socially, i feel like the privacy that i love is being invaded. I have opened the dam at work by being social with my co-workers. Now everyone wants to know everything about me, or criticize me. The private aspects of myself are being investigated and probed, and i feel all exposed or the brink of being consumed. This blog is the only privacy i have now and i cannot even begin to express how i treasure this place/domain/sanctuary/ and haven.



When I'm stressed i can't sleep. And when i can't sleep I'm grouchy. I could write a creative non-fiction piece alone about my relationships with beds and sleep. It's where i do all my thinking, resting, an re-energizing. It's where I've shared secrets, and snuggled with stuffed animals.



But instead of doing that in bed this week I've been staring at the ceiling because insomnia has set in.



So last night to relieve some of my stress from this week and perhaps tire myself out so i could get some sleep, i played some music in my room. Dancing always works along lip syncing. It was only 10:25 , and Nikka Costa was singing in the background. I don't think it was terribly loud, not as loud as loud as the boys across the halls emo music is, but i heard a knock at the bathroom door and thought "oh lord what the hell does she want now".



Crazy suitemate informs me that a weird noise is coming from my room and that she has some test tomorrow. If she would have stopped here, simply asked me to turn it down, and than said thanks, i wouldn't have had a problem with it.



But no. She went on in this condescending voice.She's much taller than me, so she sort of hunched over, clasped her hand together as if she was talking to a kindergartner and said:



Crazy Suitemate: So if we can be just a little more quiet over here (pinching her thumb and pointer finger together) for the remainder of the night so i can study, that would be greatly appreciated.



Me: ?????



Who does that. Who say's that. Who stands like that. It was like the most uncool way to ask me to turn down my music. Or excuse me, it was the most uncool way to ask me to turn down the weird noise coming from my room, as if i was housing a cat in heat over here which disrupted her studying. She stood with her hands clasped together as if i were a kid, and her tone was totally authoritative.

Was my music loud. Hell to the No. Not as loud as her talking on the phone. Not as loud as it was any other night, at any other time. Exam or no Exam.


Perhaps i was in a shittastic mood, or maybe i am just so over pretending like she doesn't creep me out, but i was seconds away from slamming the door in her face.

Even my dancing was being invaded. It's the invasion of Beckett week or something. I like that people have an interest in me, but apart of me is this private person. I love keeping some things to myself. I love that room is like my sanctuary, i love hidden places and secrets and being elusive sometimes. I love love love silence sometimes. Dancing sometimes. Or even just contemplative moments in bed where the sun is coming through the blinds.

I hate being pulled away from that, especially when it is in conformity to someone else. I feel like can't be who i am without someone questioning it, or consuming it.

So this weekend, I'm staying under the covers. It's much warmer and safer there.