I've been rolling around with this phrase all day, "Some Assembly Required". I'm thinking it should be the title of some quirky book. Perhaps my quirky book if i can ever get around to it. I have an interest in Creative nonfiction all of sudden, because now i finally understand the formula.
Write about your life. Anything about your life. The funny, the not so funny, or just the plain weird. People like reading about other people's experiences. They like comparing and relating stories. I'm good at doing that, i just didn't appreciate the genre until now.
I've put fiction to the side for a while and started writing some pieces about my life. The stories are mainly from my childhood which has greatly shaped my views of everyday things. So far I've got the tentative titles for two separate stories "Slut" and "Church Hopping", which i think i may even submit next year for graduate school
On the graduate school application they asked me to plan out what i wish to accomplish while i was there. Did i have some work i planed on completing? Was there a piece of work that i wanted to work on in school? And of course i couldn't answer that question adequately, i didn't even have a portfolio yet alone some body of work that i wanted to complete there.
But as slowly write some notes down in my notebook, the body of work I've never had is coming together. Stories and snip-its from my childhood to present day me are unfolding, into these funny and intimate look at my life. I'm having to place some of the pieces together of course, fill in the blanks where holes have come up, but for the most part it has been pretty relieving to situate stories and make peace with them.
Unlike the fiction stories i have been writing, i feel like these stories are going somewhere. They are taking shape and have potential. I'm on to something, or it's at least on to me.
"Some Assembly Required"
By Beckett Hughes
I could live with that title.
Anyway.
A while ago Debbie Downer asked me if i wanted to get some sushi with her and her friends at the end of April. Despite telling Debbie that i don't like fish, she continued to pester me until i gave in and said yes. By friends of course she meant the people from the weird message board she writes on. And by sushi she meant sushi, a weekend picnic, and dinner.
She has been talking about this thing for months. A gang of her "friends" coming down to have "fun" for the whole weekend at some festival where all the other cool 41 year old bitter women go . Sorry about that, but it's the truth.
A lot of people where suppose to come down but 3 or so people are actually coming (from Canada) to hang out with her at some Celtic festival we are having in town. I never intended to go, and continued to just let Debbie Downer talk about the festival. I must have been ignoring her when she said "WE are going to have so much fun" because i was completely taken aback when she told me that all of her friends were excited that i was coming along, and they were looking forward to meeting me.
?????
I knew if i didn't tell her soon, i would be in some sushi restaurant trying not to stab my eyes out next to some weird dude with a bad haircut and Debbie Downer talking about depressing stuff.
So on Tuesday when she told me she was reserving a table at the sushi place i just happened to blurt out that i "had other plans". Debbie Downer almost flipped her lid...in that passive aggressive sort of way. "Why don't you want to go? My "friends" will be sad" "you are such a chicken" "You can't make time for me".
What i wanted to say was "NO i can't make time for you. I don't want to make time for you. I have my own things going on, and I'm sorry if they don't include sushi and bad conversation"
But instead i just stuck to the "i have something else to do".
I keep wondering why i attract people who are "complicated". Not in that good complicated way, but in that " i need you to be the person i tell all my secrets too" sort of complicated. I am like a therapist to people, they come to me to unload all their drama on and then i comfort them the best that i can.
The problem with this is that i don't know why my role is outside of those relationships. I'm so use to hearing other people problems, i don't know what it's like to have just a companionship.I brought this up in therapy today. Like maybe there is a part of me that needs those people. I mean i know what they get from me ( a good shoulder to cry on) but what do i get from them?
And i think what i get from "needy people" is a model of what i don't want for my life. I felt sort of bad admitting this to my Dr. Phil. Like perhaps that makes me a horrible person. But it really is the only thing i get from these relationships, a model of someone who is worse off then i am. But that sort of relationship is not fulfilling. It's toxic and draining. And the things we get from each other...well they aren't too good.
I can't form of my model of a good life, when it is fogged up with these relationships. Some days, when i have had a good conversation, or a nice song comes on my ipod i can feel a sense of calm come over me. I can feel what happiness is like, and it begins with changing the role i have had, around so that i be a good friend as well as a good listener.
Maybe i can even find a happy medium.
You know, if i knew being an adult was going to be this hard i wouldn't have signed up for it. I would have just stayed a kid forever, sipping juice from boxes and eating animal crackers in bed.
I'm just saying.
It's a lot of work to put the pieces of what i want for my life together, so i have this sweet and fulfilling thing to enjoy.
Some how "Some Assembly Required" makes perfect sense for the title of my book.
5 comments:
i think you should have gone to the sushi/weekend event. as a kind of sociological observer, gathering material for your next book/short story/essay. I'm actually serious about this. also, it would be a totally Safe Place to practice socializing with people you don't really care about.
don't know if you've read david sedaris, but the kind of writing you're describing here made me think of him. and jean shepherd, who is HYSTERICALLY funny (he's the guy who wrote A Christmas Story, you know, with Ralphie and the bb gun). I've always had the understanding that one way to improve as a writer is to read a lot - read other people who are working in a way similar to you. learn from them.
here is something i have noticed in your blogs lately, when they have to do with other people: you sort-of befriend people (ie, debbie downer, the suitemate person, etc), and are casually friendly with them. then, they try to do the natural next step of making friends by trying to hang out with you. and your response is always this kind of panicked sense of them as hanging on you, of them being weird or needy. and because you're panicked, your reactions to them are a little ... awkward, maybe? and so they take offense and become weird or needy or passive-aggressive.
i'm not saying these people aren't weird to begin with, because most people ARE; but you also maybe aren't aware of the way you have a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy with the people who try to befriend you.
i say: give them a chance. you're leaving soon ANYWAY, so it's not like you'll be stuck with them forever. it'll be a chance to Have Experiences and socialize a little, and it may even be enjoyable. if not, well, you're leaving soon and you won't have to deal with it.
"Some Assembly Required" very good title, sounds interesting. Can't wait to read it. And see you on T.V. giving interviews about your book. Your titles for the chapters sound very intriguing sex & religion always a great topic to write about and good for getting peoples attention but I probably didn't need to tell you this. Maybe it makes you feel better to listen to other peoples woes. kinda like most people feel better after watching Jerry Springer. Like it makes them realize that their lifes aren't as bad as they thought. "things could be worst" is what most people probably think after watching an hour of weirdness and drama. or at least that's what I think. see you in space
I like the title. I can see it now. Something sweet yet complex, ha ha. But really, that's a nice genre particularly suited to your writing style I think--you could practically just publish your blog!
seriously, do you realize that you are the most interesting girl in the world? I found your blog by accident; I think I was searching for some movie quote, I don't remember which. and not to sound creepy, but I ended up bookmarking your page and now read it whenever I get the chance. you are like a character in a book--like that (self-proclaimed) shy girl who has all this super imaginative stuff swirling around in her head. and your name is super cool too. just thought I would send that your way. keep writing! if you wrote nonfiction I (obviously) would be interested in what you have to say.
Frogboots: I'm planning on checking out some sedaris books. I loved his sister in Strangers with Candy, and i think creative nonfiction may be the genre i stick with.
I'll have to explore my weird social thing this weekend. After my Arthur paper of course.
Vnmz01:That would be so cool to do an interview about a book i've written. As long as Matt Lauer is doing the interview, i'd wake up that early to see his face.
Alice: When i was in my creative nonfiction class, i kept thinking "can't i just copy and paste from my blog". I feel good about the title now, for the book.
Poetryhead: All i can say is thank you. I must say being called the 'most interesting girl in the world' before my nine o'clock class...not such a bad thing =). I wonder what the movie quote was that you were searching. I've quoted Garden state about a billion times. Sorry Zach Braff.
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