I do not know if i have told this story before, if so i apologize, but in the 12th grade my history teacher wanted us to do some mock stock group. Divided into teams of our own making, we would invest in stocks to see which group gained (or in most cases) retained the most money.
I wasn't popular in high school but had a good amount of friends. I have no problem admitting that now . I was quiet in class, and hung out with the AP kids, but everyone knew me as the nice girl. No had any problems with me, everyone knew of me but not too much about me.
So i figured when choosing a group came around, it wouldn't be too much of a problem. There were several people in the class who i considered buddies and assumed i would group up with them. When she called for the class to split up, everyone did instantly. Me and my friend, Kimberley, instantly gravitated towards each other, and this boy Scott who we all knew because his mother was the science teacher joined with us also.
Unfortunately this class had about 35 people in it. So assuming the groups were distributed fairly there could be 6 groups of 5 people. or 5 Groups of 6 people. It wasn't until the three of us stood by the sidelines that we realized that no one else wanted to join our group. I mean one guy actually took a desk from our group, just so he could insert himself into another one.It was pretty embarrassing.
The three of us looke on as everyone settled into their groups and avoided our eyes. It was made apparent in that moment, that no matter how nice of a person i was...i was still considered a dork and an outisider. A person no one wanted to be in a group with.
The teacher noticed the distribution of groups and kindly asked if someone would join us, "the leftovers". Everyone sort of look at each other, seeing which individual they would sacrifice until the three of us collectively decided, and told her, that we would do just fine with three people.
There is something liberating in being the underdog because there is always this possibility that you will overcome your adversities and prove everyone wrong. I mean look at movies like Rudy and Lucas, underdog tales....stellar endings.
After the embarrassment of that day, we came up with ideas on how to win the group project. I picked out the companies that we would invest in, Scott would do most of the calculation, and Kim was in charge of documenting our losses and gains. When it came time to choose our group names, so the teacher could keep a tally of who was in the lead, there was only one name for us....THE UNDERDOGS. I don't think Kim and Scott knew how important this win was for me, but for a month we invested wisely, stayed focused, and weren't swayed by the other groups progress.
At the end of the month, we were crowned the winners of the Stock Project (due to some stable investments in water and Nathan's Hot Dogs), and we each got a snickers bar and a pat on the back from our teacher (literally). But the real prize came in seeing everyone of my classmates face as we went up and receive our candy.
The point of the story is, when I'm backed into a corner, signaled out, made to be the underdog, i fight as hard as i can to prove otherwise.
And so.....
I have waged war on the hyena's at work. And i couldn't feel more happy about.
I know i have gone on and on about my difficulties with Kathleen, Amanda, and even Debbie Downer, but last week i was so close to crying at work that i knew something had to change. The hyena's have a way of poking fun at me in a not so funny way. If there are boys in the vicinity Amanda will question my femininity. When Kathleen and Amanda are together they boss me around, try to intimidate me, and then laugh like it's all in jest. It's weird, i feel like they like me but gang up on me. I am asked to lunch all the time, i can carry on conversations with them, individually, but together there is this need for them to exert their worth, and they do so by picking on me.
Last Tuesday i came into the office and said good morning. We have this thing called morning duties which has to be completed before we can shelve books. Kathleen has to do this scanning thing, where if we find books just lying around in the library we scan them to make sure that it hasn't been reported as lost or stolen. Sometimes she lets me scan the books, because for some reason i am a fan of scanning. Maybe it was my years spent playing supermarket with my brother, but i like holding the scanner and moving it over barcodes. Sue me.
So on Tuesday, i wasn't particularly in the mood for scanning, even though she wanted to know if i wanted to scan. I scanned one cart of books, and then said that i didn't feel like doing it anymore, and that i would rather go shelve some books.
In that moment, her head snapped, her eyes rolled, and all hell broke loose. It was as if i denounced Jesus or something. Instantly i was a called a quitter. How dare i ask to do something and then decide not to? Who do i think i am? She was joking at first, but then she began getting so close to my face that i was uncomfortable. And of course Amanda was egging her own. Debbie Downer didn't say anything even though they were clearly taking it out of hand.
When i replied "scanning isn't even my job" Kathleen said "Listen little girl..." (because I'm shorter than her) which was then followed by her regular bullshit comments. At first i was just standing there taking it all in but then...i heard something within me say "you guys suck majorly" until i realized i had said it out loud. After that i couldn't stop myself, i felt backed in a corner, i felt like an underdog, so i returned her bullshit comments with my own. She's not my boss.
There was like 5 minutes were she was like "you're a quitter get over it" followed by my "don't ever call me a quitter. When everyone was sitting in here talking i was out there shelving books. So whose a quitter."
This continued some more, until i eventually just left. Need I mention Debbie Downer, did not defend me.
I wanted to cry after the whole thing. I hate feeling attacked, especially because they do so out of boredom. But after a while i stopped feeling so bad. It's weird, i am trying to have healthy relationships and reject the bad ones, so why put up with something when i don't have to.
So a day after the not so funny argument, i decided to give the hyena's what they give me. ATTITUDE. And I can't really respect Debbie Downer, who had the opportunity to say "you guys are being harsh" and instead sat there and did nothing. There is nothing more that i hate than a person who doesn't defend a "friend"
For the last week, my attitude towards them has changed. I walk in, still pleasantly happy, but pay no attention to them than necessary, Debbie Downer included. If they have something to tell me, i shrug my shoulders and walk away. I will not inject myself in their drama, I've removed myself and just started talking to my other co-workers, which is rubbing the hyena's the wrong way.
I've begun hanging out Briton and his rocker best work friend. I talk to this other girl whose a
fan of Sir James McAvoy, and me and Julie will hang out in the aisles now and talk about movies and stuff. It's actually been really fun and the hyena's have taken note.
"You don't like hanging out with us anymore" Kathleen said today. And i replied "you're right i don't."
No lie. I just said what i thought.
She looked sort of stunned, like i was suppose to say something like "of course i like you".
She asked me again, as if i got the question wrong. "You really don't like us".
"No, I really don't" i replied, smiled and then went on with my business. They tried to engage me again, Amanda got some promotion where now she has an excuse to sit around all day. She posted an announcement on the board, saying that we should congratulate her for becoming the new student supervisor in the office.
When i walked in, she said she had something important to tell me. Something that would make me happy.
"Come here, I've got news!" she yelled from the other room, like i would just come and listen readily. Instead, i grabbed my coffee, my muffin and then replied "I don't think there is anything you could tell me that would make me as happy as i am right now" and then closed the door behind me.
I know that going against the hyena's may mean hell, i know that i have cut close ties, but i feel much better than i have in the last couple of weeks, and if it's a war worth fighting, then I'll be in it to the end.
Beckett-1 Hyena's-?.
I wasn't popular in high school but had a good amount of friends. I have no problem admitting that now . I was quiet in class, and hung out with the AP kids, but everyone knew me as the nice girl. No had any problems with me, everyone knew of me but not too much about me.
So i figured when choosing a group came around, it wouldn't be too much of a problem. There were several people in the class who i considered buddies and assumed i would group up with them. When she called for the class to split up, everyone did instantly. Me and my friend, Kimberley, instantly gravitated towards each other, and this boy Scott who we all knew because his mother was the science teacher joined with us also.
Unfortunately this class had about 35 people in it. So assuming the groups were distributed fairly there could be 6 groups of 5 people. or 5 Groups of 6 people. It wasn't until the three of us stood by the sidelines that we realized that no one else wanted to join our group. I mean one guy actually took a desk from our group, just so he could insert himself into another one.It was pretty embarrassing.
The three of us looke on as everyone settled into their groups and avoided our eyes. It was made apparent in that moment, that no matter how nice of a person i was...i was still considered a dork and an outisider. A person no one wanted to be in a group with.
The teacher noticed the distribution of groups and kindly asked if someone would join us, "the leftovers". Everyone sort of look at each other, seeing which individual they would sacrifice until the three of us collectively decided, and told her, that we would do just fine with three people.
There is something liberating in being the underdog because there is always this possibility that you will overcome your adversities and prove everyone wrong. I mean look at movies like Rudy and Lucas, underdog tales....stellar endings.
After the embarrassment of that day, we came up with ideas on how to win the group project. I picked out the companies that we would invest in, Scott would do most of the calculation, and Kim was in charge of documenting our losses and gains. When it came time to choose our group names, so the teacher could keep a tally of who was in the lead, there was only one name for us....THE UNDERDOGS. I don't think Kim and Scott knew how important this win was for me, but for a month we invested wisely, stayed focused, and weren't swayed by the other groups progress.
At the end of the month, we were crowned the winners of the Stock Project (due to some stable investments in water and Nathan's Hot Dogs), and we each got a snickers bar and a pat on the back from our teacher (literally). But the real prize came in seeing everyone of my classmates face as we went up and receive our candy.
The point of the story is, when I'm backed into a corner, signaled out, made to be the underdog, i fight as hard as i can to prove otherwise.
And so.....
I have waged war on the hyena's at work. And i couldn't feel more happy about.
I know i have gone on and on about my difficulties with Kathleen, Amanda, and even Debbie Downer, but last week i was so close to crying at work that i knew something had to change. The hyena's have a way of poking fun at me in a not so funny way. If there are boys in the vicinity Amanda will question my femininity. When Kathleen and Amanda are together they boss me around, try to intimidate me, and then laugh like it's all in jest. It's weird, i feel like they like me but gang up on me. I am asked to lunch all the time, i can carry on conversations with them, individually, but together there is this need for them to exert their worth, and they do so by picking on me.
Last Tuesday i came into the office and said good morning. We have this thing called morning duties which has to be completed before we can shelve books. Kathleen has to do this scanning thing, where if we find books just lying around in the library we scan them to make sure that it hasn't been reported as lost or stolen. Sometimes she lets me scan the books, because for some reason i am a fan of scanning. Maybe it was my years spent playing supermarket with my brother, but i like holding the scanner and moving it over barcodes. Sue me.
So on Tuesday, i wasn't particularly in the mood for scanning, even though she wanted to know if i wanted to scan. I scanned one cart of books, and then said that i didn't feel like doing it anymore, and that i would rather go shelve some books.
In that moment, her head snapped, her eyes rolled, and all hell broke loose. It was as if i denounced Jesus or something. Instantly i was a called a quitter. How dare i ask to do something and then decide not to? Who do i think i am? She was joking at first, but then she began getting so close to my face that i was uncomfortable. And of course Amanda was egging her own. Debbie Downer didn't say anything even though they were clearly taking it out of hand.
When i replied "scanning isn't even my job" Kathleen said "Listen little girl..." (because I'm shorter than her) which was then followed by her regular bullshit comments. At first i was just standing there taking it all in but then...i heard something within me say "you guys suck majorly" until i realized i had said it out loud. After that i couldn't stop myself, i felt backed in a corner, i felt like an underdog, so i returned her bullshit comments with my own. She's not my boss.
There was like 5 minutes were she was like "you're a quitter get over it" followed by my "don't ever call me a quitter. When everyone was sitting in here talking i was out there shelving books. So whose a quitter."
This continued some more, until i eventually just left. Need I mention Debbie Downer, did not defend me.
I wanted to cry after the whole thing. I hate feeling attacked, especially because they do so out of boredom. But after a while i stopped feeling so bad. It's weird, i am trying to have healthy relationships and reject the bad ones, so why put up with something when i don't have to.
So a day after the not so funny argument, i decided to give the hyena's what they give me. ATTITUDE. And I can't really respect Debbie Downer, who had the opportunity to say "you guys are being harsh" and instead sat there and did nothing. There is nothing more that i hate than a person who doesn't defend a "friend"
For the last week, my attitude towards them has changed. I walk in, still pleasantly happy, but pay no attention to them than necessary, Debbie Downer included. If they have something to tell me, i shrug my shoulders and walk away. I will not inject myself in their drama, I've removed myself and just started talking to my other co-workers, which is rubbing the hyena's the wrong way.
I've begun hanging out Briton and his rocker best work friend. I talk to this other girl whose a
fan of Sir James McAvoy, and me and Julie will hang out in the aisles now and talk about movies and stuff. It's actually been really fun and the hyena's have taken note.
"You don't like hanging out with us anymore" Kathleen said today. And i replied "you're right i don't."
No lie. I just said what i thought.
She looked sort of stunned, like i was suppose to say something like "of course i like you".
She asked me again, as if i got the question wrong. "You really don't like us".
"No, I really don't" i replied, smiled and then went on with my business. They tried to engage me again, Amanda got some promotion where now she has an excuse to sit around all day. She posted an announcement on the board, saying that we should congratulate her for becoming the new student supervisor in the office.
When i walked in, she said she had something important to tell me. Something that would make me happy.
"Come here, I've got news!" she yelled from the other room, like i would just come and listen readily. Instead, i grabbed my coffee, my muffin and then replied "I don't think there is anything you could tell me that would make me as happy as i am right now" and then closed the door behind me.
I know that going against the hyena's may mean hell, i know that i have cut close ties, but i feel much better than i have in the last couple of weeks, and if it's a war worth fighting, then I'll be in it to the end.
Beckett-1 Hyena's-?.
5 comments:
you should definitely keep on doing what you're doing and not get sucked into all the b s. Don't you just hate it when people act totally different in front of you and then they change their attitude towards you when a third person is involved. at least you can say you tried to make them friends but everybody can only take so much shit. appearantly you reached your limit and now it's time they have a little taste of their own medicine. This reminds me of an old saying "treat people how you want to be treated" If they want to fuck with you you fuck with them. I'm not saying to tell people to fuck off as soon as they utter a word just be your polite self but as soon as they start talking shit send it right back at them try not to get into a heated debate just tell them what you got to say and walk away leave them talking to show them you could give a shit about what they have to say and go on with your business there's other things more important to spend ones energy on.
here's a little thing that might help you on your journey. there are only a few people that I would consider to be my friends the rest are just acquaintances see you in space
holy crap, dude!
wow!
as a person who absolutely cringes and flees from confrontation, i must say: I admire you greatly for this!
dang. when cornerned, you certainly spring back like a fierce tiger!
vnmz01 is right to mention ye olde golden rule, which is how i tend to live (and yes, i want people to cringe and flee from me ;) ) - but good for you.
oh, and i also always loved getting to scan things with a scanner. also, i loved running the cash register back in the days when i had a retail job. i was a dedicated Supermarket player as a small child.
must go with awesomeness, yes?
also: did you read king lear without me?!?!?!?!
vnmz01
- you are so right. There is a part of me that wants to be rude to them all the time so they can feel what i felt, but i think just voicing my opinions more often in their treatment of me will have to do.
I make connections with people so quickly that sometimes i ignore the shitty parts of them until it's too late. I just have to be more conscious of people's character rather then "wow i like you" sort of thing.
Though i think i may have started the beginning of a revolt at work today. i'm che guevara in training, minus the whole communist thing.
Frogboots:
The whole time they were yelling at me, there was just this moment of "i don't deserve this". I hate confrontation too, but i just decided quickly to stand up for myself, even if i regretted it later.
Oh...check your email. We have just started King Lear. Reading Group...Activated.
revolt!!!! sounds like fun see you in space
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