A Change of Seasons.

I'm uber anxious tonight. You ever get that sense that everyone/thing around you is going through some universal change. That there is a newness in the air. That things are going to be different, not really better or worse, but just New. This feeling excites and scares the crap out of me. These last few months I have been so comfortable in my everyday that I've been ignoring the changes around me. I've fallen into a routine that doesn't necessarily make me happy but that makes me feel safe.

But safe is boooooring. While I am content with it these days because of all that has happened these last few months. I am not happy about stagnation. At all. Of course these thoughts/fears/worries are running rampant now as mutltiple changes are occurring to people around me. "James Franco" look-a-like is going to New Zealand for 8 months this summer. 8 whole months! What the what?! Another friend of mine just announced he got a desk job at some crap company that makes lens. People are coupling up, breaking up and forming new and stronger bonds (me included). The weather is warming up. Everyone is packing away the old to embrace for the new. Things are suddenly in bloom.

And lately I feel stuck at the starting line.

I am not a girl who settles. I want to try new things and see where this potential can get me. And now that Spring is at my fingertips I crave change more than ever. I mean sure, I like my life these days. I like my friends and my crush( a lot) and the change in my personality. I am less hard on myself. Okay with making mistakes. Content with being a fearless explorer of simple pleasures. But i absolutely loathe everything else about my days. I hate all this free time (the store cut hours again). I hate my job. I hate never having money. I hate the lack of creativity. And direction.

I want to balance the loves of my life with the needs of my life. But this is an easier said than done.

I need newness in my life. Something to restore the drag that often cast its shadow overhead. I need to start making goals again. I don't' want to be left on the wayside as things begin to bloom and change shape.

And I'm not talking my usual dumb abstract goals either. I need to have concrete aspirations that I can accomplish within a decent amount of time. Goals that reflect my current needs: monetary stability, dedicated free time to finish short story anthology, a change of venue (I'd like my own little studio at least before my 27th birthday) and an available cute boy to date.

I simply need a new routine that is so outside of my current one.

For once if things are going to change around me, I'd like to be apart of it. I'd like to be apart of the transition into a new more exciting way of existing.

I am capable of this.