Updates, Mistakes, Surpises, Comings and Goings.

I'm alive and well. Though very busy and distracted these days.

This is my first proper day off in weeks! weeks! and I have decided to go to the city with Kat. Because when you're broke and young the best thing to do is spend your money in the city.

We are going to see Dinosaurs and space things and take pictures of food and parks. We are going to talk about our current boy obsessions and books (read White Horse, it's amazing) and music. I'm looking forward to it.

Seans birthday is Sunday and in a truly bizarre turn of events we may actually spend part of it together. A mutual friend of ours is getting baptised (long ass story) and he says he wants to go. I am only going to said baptism because Kats crush goes to the church and the baptism is taking place on a beach. I am all for being near water. It soothes me.

Last weekend Sean and I got into a huge fight. By fight I mean I had a hug panic attack around him and he freaked the fuck out. Instead of letting him calm me down, i pushed him away, went to the bathroom and sobbed. Later that night I accidentally cut my hand opening boxes at work. It was nothing serious but one of the managers made Sean go get gauze for me. When he came back with the supplies, he asked me, far away from any managers, if I had cut myself on purpose out of anxiety.

I glared at him. Pulled my hand away, fumed and stormed away.  Not because i was angry at him but because I was angry at myself. Per usual, we made up and he dropped the whole line of questioning. I hate that I am mean to him. I hate that my emotions are dynamite these days. I have no reign on the amount of shit i feel on a daily basis and I have a tendency of taking it out on him, cause as of yet, he hasn't given up on me.

So this weekend, I plan on making it up to him. I'm a terrible friend. A terrible crush. And this boy, when he isn't being a douche, puts up with my shit like a champ. So even though my gift will be small, I hope he likes it.

Anyway, I need to get dressed and make my way downtown. Pictures to be uploaded soon. I promise.