Hey Sandy

Seems living atop a steep hill has it's benefits during severe storm weathers.

Despite the various sorts of catastrophe and awfulness Sandy brought to the NYC/ Tri-state area my neighborhood, for the most part, escaped unscathed. On Sunday I closed at Le Sad store and was told that we'd be closed on Monday due to the hurricane. The University I work for was also closed Monday so instead of preparing for a storm like a responsible human being (buying supplies, charging phone and ipod, securing general safety of my shit) I bough waffles, added movies and shows to my netflix queue and created a playlist for my first day off in a very long time.

Now that I work two jobs my days off are non-existent. I'm either at Le Sad Store slaving away for minimum wage. Or at my other job getting mad paper cuts. While my other job is less stressful than the bookstore it is still a 20 hour a week commitment. Two weeks ago just as i was packing up my things to head home a professor came running into the office with a +1000 page document that needed to be copied (6 times) immediately for a pending court case. I called my manager and asked what I should do. I had to be at Le Sad Store in a few hours and could stay a little while but not the duration of the print job. She apologized for the inconvenience but asked if I could stay just because the nature of the job was important.  I made two hours of over time that night and was 15 minutes late to the bookstore for my closing.

I don't have time for much of anything these days. I am always doing something or planing something or anticipating something. Doctors appointments, socializing, work, reading, boy progress and missteps. I am trying to live in the moment as much as possible but in doing so i am getting lost in the shuffle. The ebb and flow of things around here lately is like a wave. I am being tossed around by the constant rise and fall, roll and thrashing of things. But my head continues to remain above water. I haven't drowned yet.

Next month is looking a little insane. I am going to a baby shower, a birthday party, home for the holidays and possibly bowling if i can convince Sean to go. The boy shit is still very complicated. I have stopped telling Kat about anything that goes on between us because of fears that it is damaging rather than helping the situation. I've been a little more direct with him these last few weeks after the disaster that was the wrestling party. We had a great time up until we got to our friends house and I got stuck sitting next to someone else. He gave me the stank eye for most of the evening and then asked if i would come sit next to him. When i did, I was a little tipsy and full from the food and alcohol. I curled up into his side and took a cat nap. Then the jerk i got stop sicking next to on the other couch decided to sit next to me. Suddenly i was a Beckett sandwich between Sean and this other kid, who i am not attracted too.

I quickly felt uncomfortable. One moment Sean was all "lie next to me" the next moment the other guy (a mutual friend who has admitted to said feelings for me some while back) was like "hey, why don't you lie next to me". I tried to stay as close to Sean as possible but he was getting annoyed and distant. So eventually I sat on the floor and fell asleep on the floor. Yeah, a great night indeed.

Since then i've tried being more direct with him about everything. I like him so fucking much but i want more than just a pretend relationship at work. I want to be someone he thinks about outside of work. Someone he considers. All day yesterday i sent texts to family and friends asking about their well-being. Sean only calls me when he is at work, because he won't give me his cell phone number, and it is usually to talk about something stupid or to apologize. But yesterday like a dumb girl, i hoped that he would call and ask if things were okay in my neighborhood cause I sure as hell wondered how he was doing in the Bronx. But of course,  like most realizations about this boy, I have limited access to him and this is wearing on me. Like everything else in life.

Anyway, I have to open tomorrow and need to get ready for bed. I found the most awesome female Thor outfit this weekend and am filled with regret for not buying it. It fit like a fucking glove and i looked aTHORable. It was 50 bucks though and i still have a few hospital bills to pay off so I am reusing my Buffy the vampire slayer costume this year. I can't go wrong with Buffy i suppose.