i've been meaning to write about this since i got back from his graduation. But now that he is attending 'school' sort of in Chicago he has more free time than ever to keep in contact, unlike boot camp where he could only call if he earned one or write regularly which he did. Now that he is in school he has his cellphone and computer and several hours during the day of free time to call friends or family.
You would think I would be on the top of the list of people he would remain in constant contact with but this motherfucker, despite going to his graduation and sending him the only letters he received during his time in bootcamp, doesn't seem to take that into consideration.
Now that he has access to the outside world and to his gf he has spent the last 4 weeks in constant contact with her while i occasionally get a 'hey' via facebook. He doesn't call. He doesn't write and the only time he wants to be in contact is when he needs something from me.
While a part of me was expecting this from him Sean, I wasn't expecting the weirdness of him encouraging his parents to remain in contact with me after the Chicago trip. But he did! And they have! Last Sunday I was asked over for dinner at their house! And I went because I like him and his parents seem to like me more than there son does.
I spent 7 hours with them: helped them with spring cleaning, checked up on his animals, entertained his dad with jokes and his mom with my quirkiness. They invited me to their summer home in Delaware and praised my presence. His dad wants to take my target practicing.
It was delightful except for the fact that i shouldn't have been there. For the life of me i can't understand why he is encouraging that i develop a bond with his parents. I am not this boys girlfriend. Sometimes i am not even his friend. He doesn't know how to treat people who are good to him. And the fact that I showed up to one of the most important days of his life and the boy barely reaches out to me though he has the time to is just too much. It's too much.
And THEN his parents called the other day to ask when i was going to come over for dinner again?!?!?!? I am not even sure they know who i am to Sean but i am definitely not going to put in all of this work if at the end of the day the boy is still not going to consider me.
So i'm biting my nails over here waiting for him to call me (cause i said we needed to talk ASAP) so i can talk to him and be honest and put a stop to this thing. I just don't feel strong enough to follow through. I have to follow through.
what, Part of me says don´t do it give sean more time, yet I don´t know the whole story and your reasons are more than enough. why cant happily ever after really exist. Youre awesome Beckett dont ever doubt it I´m here as much or for what little I can do for you see you in space
It's time to let it go. It's time to let the dream go. As much as it hurts, you will feel better after time has passed. Find someone who likes you and will love you the way you love them. This whole thing with Sean has been so one sided that it's been painful to "watch". You deserve so much more then Sean, believe in yourself. Believe you are better then him. He does not respect you and that drives me nuts. Do what will give you the most peace.
Is Sean's middle name mindfuck? Because, seriously, I do not understand the dude, and the level to which he is playing with your emotions--if not on purpose, then unthinkingly and unfairly--I just don't know.
I feel like you need a bootcamp of your own, your own two months to just drop off his planet. As much as you need him, as much as you'll miss him, as much as you feel like if you could just say the right thing, you'd unlock this messed up world he's building for you...you need a break. And you need it on your own terms. As someone who has shut the door on people in the past, it can be so helpful, feel so good, to be the one who's in control of whether he talks to you, whether you're there for what he needs....
Anyway, I'm a bit of a runner/shutter-downer, so that's what I would do--a set amount of time during which you completely shut him out. If he doesn't reach out, it's going to hurt like fuck, but at least you'll know.
And! Maybe by shutting him out, you'll get to see the other people around you who really are worth being in your life. You know that theory that everyone is someone's unattainable? Sean is yours, but you are someone else's. You might not be able to see it, though, because Sean is filling your entire head.
Whatever happens, good luck. And like KNK says: we've all got your back.
I have read every word you have written on this blob, but this is my first time to comment. I was in EXACTLY the same place you are in back in 2001. It was so hard being the person who gave everything to somebody who only threw enough attention my way to keep me hanging on, yet not nearly enough to "validate" my place in his life. We eventually did have a short lived sexual relationship where he initiated all contact, but I later found out he considered our situation as a "friends with benefits" thing. I was very naive, and had never participated in anything remotely close to this before, and never will again. I just knew if I held on long enough, I would become his chosen one. I would even sit quietly by while he talked on the phone with his real love. It behooved me at the time that she only wanted to talk with him fairly infrequently, and never at great length. Thank goodness I had a great support system comprised of very sane people who finally convinced me to emancipate myself from the unhealthy situation. I finally let go, and after a hiatus of about 8 years, he and I are genuinely good friends now. We both have great partners in our lives, and I do thank God for unanswered prayers! You will too once you reach the other side!
Here we go again...the roller coaster that is Sean. This is how I see it, one of two things may be true:
(1) Sean doesn't give a fuck about you and is just using you to feed his narcissism. In which case, you should def dump his ass asap.
(2) Sean does genuinely care about you, but he is so messed up in the head that he doesn't know how to express care and kindness to people he truly cares for. In which case, you would do well to not have that kind of messed up dysfunction in your life.
Either way, you would be a healthier, saner person if you kicked him to the curb.
7 comments:
whoa what prompted this? whatever you choose to do, remember that
1) you are very awesome and
2) we've all got your back.
i've been meaning to write about this since i got back from his graduation. But now that he is attending 'school' sort of in Chicago he has more free time than ever to keep in contact, unlike boot camp where he could only call if he earned one or write regularly which he did. Now that he is in school he has his cellphone and computer and several hours during the day of free time to call friends or family.
You would think I would be on the top of the list of people he would remain in constant contact with but this motherfucker, despite going to his graduation and sending him the only letters he received during his time in bootcamp, doesn't seem to take that into consideration.
Now that he has access to the outside world and to his gf he has spent the last 4 weeks in constant contact with her while i occasionally get a 'hey' via facebook. He doesn't call. He doesn't write and the only time he wants to be in contact is when he needs something from me.
While a part of me was expecting this from him Sean, I wasn't expecting the weirdness of him encouraging his parents to remain in contact with me after the Chicago trip. But he did! And they have! Last Sunday I was asked over for dinner at their house! And I went because I like him and his parents seem to like me more than there son does.
I spent 7 hours with them: helped them with spring cleaning, checked up on his animals, entertained his dad with jokes and his mom with my quirkiness. They invited me to their summer home in Delaware and praised my presence. His dad wants to take my target practicing.
It was delightful except for the fact that i shouldn't have been there. For the life of me i can't understand why he is encouraging that i develop a bond with his parents. I am not this boys girlfriend. Sometimes i am not even his friend. He doesn't know how to treat people who are good to him. And the fact that I showed up to one of the most important days of his life and the boy barely reaches out to me though he has the time to is just too much. It's too much.
And THEN his parents called the other day to ask when i was going to come over for dinner again?!?!?!? I am not even sure they know who i am to Sean but i am definitely not going to put in all of this work if at the end of the day the boy is still not going to consider me.
So i'm biting my nails over here waiting for him to call me (cause i said we needed to talk ASAP) so i can talk to him and be honest and put a stop to this thing. I just don't feel strong enough to follow through. I have to follow through.
what,
Part of me says don´t do it give sean more time, yet I don´t know the
whole story and your reasons are more than enough. why cant happily ever
after really exist. Youre awesome Beckett dont ever doubt it I´m here
as much or for what little I can do for you see you in space
It's time to let it go. It's time to let the dream go. As much as it hurts, you will feel better after time has passed. Find someone who likes you and will love you the way you love them. This whole thing with Sean has been so one sided that it's been painful to "watch". You deserve so much more then Sean, believe in yourself. Believe you are better then him. He does not respect you and that drives me nuts. Do what will give you the most peace.
Is Sean's middle name mindfuck? Because, seriously, I do not understand the dude, and the level to which he is playing with your emotions--if not on purpose, then unthinkingly and unfairly--I just don't know.
I feel like you need a bootcamp of your own, your own two months to just drop off his planet. As much as you need him, as much as you'll miss him, as much as you feel like if you could just say the right thing, you'd unlock this messed up world he's building for you...you need a break. And you need it on your own terms. As someone who has shut the door on people in the past, it can be so helpful, feel so good, to be the one who's in control of whether he talks to you, whether you're there for what he needs....
Anyway, I'm a bit of a runner/shutter-downer, so that's what I would do--a set amount of time during which you completely shut him out. If he doesn't reach out, it's going to hurt like fuck, but at least you'll know.
And! Maybe by shutting him out, you'll get to see the other people around you who really are worth being in your life. You know that theory that everyone is someone's unattainable? Sean is yours, but you are someone else's. You might not be able to see it, though, because Sean is filling your entire head.
Whatever happens, good luck. And like KNK says: we've all got your back.
I have read every word you have written on this blob, but this is my first time to comment. I was in EXACTLY the same place you are in back in 2001. It was so hard being the person who gave everything to somebody who only threw enough attention my way to keep me hanging on, yet not nearly enough to "validate" my place in his life. We eventually did have a short lived sexual relationship where he initiated all contact, but I later found out he considered our situation as a "friends with benefits" thing. I was very naive, and had never participated in anything remotely close to this before, and never will again. I just knew if I held on long enough, I would become his chosen one. I would even sit quietly by while he talked on the phone with his real love. It behooved me at the time that she only wanted to talk with him fairly infrequently, and never at great length. Thank goodness I had a great support system comprised of very sane people who finally convinced me to emancipate myself from the unhealthy situation. I finally let go, and after a hiatus of about 8 years, he and I are genuinely good friends now. We both have great partners in our lives, and I do thank God for unanswered prayers! You will too once you reach the other side!
Here we go again...the roller coaster that is Sean. This is how I see it, one of two things may be true:
(1) Sean doesn't give a fuck about you and is just using you to feed his narcissism. In which case, you should def dump his ass asap.
(2) Sean does genuinely care about you, but he is so messed up in the head that he doesn't know how to express care and kindness to people he truly cares for. In which case, you would do well to not have that kind of messed up dysfunction in your life.
Either way, you would be a healthier, saner person if you kicked him to the curb.
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