I have so many things I want to write and post and journal about.

There are so many new things I want and need to discuss. Work news and friend news and writing news and even some boy news.

And yet every time, I want to write about the happenings of my life I am paralyzed by the state of America.

I am paralyzed and ashamed and frightened and stunned into complete and utter shock and silence.

I am devastated by what happened in Virginia this weekend. I am devastated for the family of three people whose lives were lost. Especially Heather, who could have been me or any of my friends who continually speak out and show up against racism and sexism and goddamn Nazi's.

But more than anything, I am infuriated, nauseated and full of rage towards 45 who continues to show he is not morally, ethically or mentally fit to be the president of the united states.

I am a brown skinned, liberal, environmentally conscious, feminist woman who is against racism, sexism, homophobia, religious intolerance and any form of discrimination towards any group that praises exclusion and suppression.

I am also a young woman trying to be a financially stable and emotional equipped person full of love and compassion for all. I am a person trying to figure out my place in the world, so I can start reaping the benefits of a fulfilling life.

But that growth seems stunted as my country systematically reverts to a time full of such hatred and uncertainty.

My name is Beckett Amelia Hughes. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend and a human fucking being whose never been more afraid in my young life that the country I know and love is slowly leaning toward indecency.