As I expected, things have been a little strained between Matt and I since Valentine's Day. He has been distant and closed off and emotionally combative for reasons that are confusing and almost hurtful. I knew this was going to happen. That's why I was super hesitant when he asked me to hang out on Vday and also why I have been less aggressive in my pursuits of this boy. He seems generally conflicted about his interest in me. If there are even any.
After Vday we went a few days without talking and then we kind of resolve the disagreement where he made it seem like I was the one who wanted to hang out and was being a little too clingy with this time. Yep.
Then the boy straight up forgot my birthday or pretended that he did. When he finally reached out to me it wasn't to wish me a happy birthday it was to accuse me of with holding the information from him which is insane and dumb. Luckily I had plans on my birthday that did not include Matt so i did not feel so slighted by his complete disregard. My friend Tim wanted to take me out for drinks and food and when I told Matt this he replied back "Have fun on your date" and then disappeared for two days.
However, on Sunday despite the awkward text exchange, I was expecting the boy to come over because we usually hang out unless otherwise specified. He failed to show up. No text, no call...nothing. I sat in my apartment all day waiting for his call or text or ETA and he just never showed up.
The next day he casually asks me if we are hanging out the following Sunday (with no mention of him not showing the day before) and I told him I had plans and couldn't see him. We don't text the rest of the week until Friday when he casually lets me know that he is going on a date! Yes, ya'll a date with a girl he met online. I am taken aback by the text because it seems like a weird thing to let me know. Are you rubbing it in? Do you want advice? Are you just being cruel with my time yet waning affection? I am not sure.
I was surprised by my response though. Instead of going straight savage on his ass....I told him i was happy he was getting out there and dating again and that I hope he has a good time. I just do not have anymore time for his buffoonery. He seems to be a bumbling mess of a man who has this perfect idea of a woman in his head that is not founded on who women really are. A few minutes later he tells me "she cancelled. I guess i'm just not meant to find anyone". I wish you could see how far my eyes rolled back into my head.
We briefly had a conversation on dating and expectations and he tells me his ideal partner is someone who "doesn't want kids and hates cats". Like why would you say that to me. I am explicitly expressed my love of cats and my desire to have a family ( i mean not anytime soon. but like I am not anti-kids). It was just another comment that seemed to dig at who I am and what I want and i am confused.
I had plans to hang out with my friend Tim again this weekend (who Matt hates) and of course Matt spent the whole time texting me as if to get a response. He wanted me to know that he was handling his rejection well and maybe he should give up dating altogether and get a dog. I was both annoyed and perplexed by these texts and did not respond back until later that night after Tim and I got completely drunk at his apartment after watching Rocky Horror Picture Show. I probably should not have drank as much as I did but it was nice for once being around someone who likes having me around, no questions asked.
So i think for the time being, I am going to take a indefinite break from Matt. I am not going to completely disappear from the boy's life but I do need to reclaim my time because he is wasting it. I am not a hard person to love. I am kind and empathetic and funny and a little charming when i want to be. I am affectionate and loving and giving to a fault. I am not a hard person to love and anyone who makes me feel as such is not worth my time.
If I am not what this boy wants or needs than I cannot and will not try to convince him otherwise.But I'm going to have to take a break, a breather, a mini hiatus indefinitely or temporarily from him. I don't know if he is sabotgaing things between us on purpose or if he truly lost or never was interested. But i deserve more. I am sure of this now.
3 comments:
Yeah I would move on from Matt. He's a mess and a jerk. He's playing games and he's not very good at them. It's time for you to do you. Maybe hit a dating site to two, just to get out and see what's out there.
You deserve more, Beckett. If a guy has a normal libido, and at least average intelligence, he would not have to play games. Most of the guys I have ever known had no problem at all expressing desire. Put this joker in your rear view mirror!
I agree with both of you ladies. I have a tendency of giving people the benefit of the doubt too often. I wanted to believe that Matt had genuine feelings for me but I also know that if a dude is truly interested in you....he will show you that he is interested in you. Matt's hesitation and doubt are indicators enough that I am not the one for this boy and he is not the one for me.
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