Big Girl Worries

On Tuesday I got wind of a very exciting, important, life changing opportunity that falls into the 'job' category of life these days.

Yeah. I wrote it. I was contacted about a potential job at an amazing network. But that's all I'm going to say about it because I don't want to mess this up. I applied some two weeks ago, after researching some things and I spent that weekend debating whether I would be fit for the position. The position has nothing to do with production or writing but I felt it was closer to my dream job than being at the bookstore.

So needless to say I was shocked to open my email two days ago asking for an interview! Less than 48 hours later, I sat in the lobby of said network, eyeing memorabilia and wondering how the hell I got to this point. The email was very short and direct. I would partake in a 15-20 minute interview with a Hiring Manager to see if I was a good enough applicant for a more thorough interview in the future.

I didn't have too long to prepare for this thing. I bought a blouse and a spiffy new beige jacket and a professional looking portfolio to hold my resume in. With only 20 minutes to meet with someone I knew the questions would be more universal "how do you qualify for this job" "tell me about yourself" sort of things but I still wanted to be prepared. I spent all of Wednesday reading interview books at the bookstore and trying to casually rehearse things in my head.

I got to the interview 20 minutes early and was calm and relaxed. I did what I could in the 20 minutes with the Hiring Manager. She asked about my college degree and my internships. I asked about the work environment there and what role the position would play in the company. It was a pleasant and formal meeting. I was enthusiast but not eager and she said I would hear back from her when she made a decision on who would, in all honesty, get to round 2.

I haven't slept that well the last couple of days. This is only the 2nd interview that I've had for a actually job, the first being the editorial assistant gig in bridgeport. One year ago, I was at this same point where a potential job was looking me in the face and all I have to do is...sell myself.

But unlike last year, I am not heading home in a few weeks because my aunt is passively kicking me out of her house. I, for the most part, am here to stay as long as I am able to afford this life here. And unlike last year where I applied to that position just for the hell of it, I actively sought this one out because my skills matched up and I fucking love this network. I had to control my urge to geek out when the elevator doors opened an there was this huge poster of....well, one of my favorite shows EVER (that is not buffy I mean)!

And I'm nervous. And scared. And am sooooo sick of working at the bookstore. And I want this. Badly. I don't think I've ever wanted anything this bad in my whole entire life. And all I can think about is getting that second interview. At being able to come up with answers to the questions that they throw at me so I can blow them away. I know if given the chance I can, but did I convince her of that in the 15 minutes I had. I don't know.

This could change so many things in my life. I will still be stressed out, and slightly lonely, and struggling with anxiety and writing. But I would have a secure, decent paying job at [insert awesome network]. After graduating school two years ago (damn) to move here I would have a full time gig.

It would be...lovely. But I am stressed about it. About the 'what if's'. There are 15 candidates for this job. If I get to round 2, I will have that extra something to get the job. IF i get to round 2. I don't know when I am going to hear about that. She said maybe today, but I have yet to see any thing in my inbox. I've been checking all day.

I just want this. More than my little heart can explain. And I don't want to keep wishing for good things to start coming my way, I want them to start occurring because I am more than ready (and qualified) for it. So yeah, my palms are sweating and my hearts racing and I am trying to stay positive but worried is more like it....