I am fucking tired. Excuse the cursing, but i just got out of the longest three hour exam of my whole entire life.
After having a really high moment yesterday with my story, i have hit a low period with my chem exam. There are no words to describe how f*cked up that exam was. 20 pages that weighed more than i do, composed of material that was so ambiguous to what we had learned. The first person didn't finish until at least hour two, and by then i had given up. Oh i stayed the whole 3 hours, playing around with numbers hoping that just by showing work i will get some credit for it.
I am so exhausted, mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted and i haven't even started packing.
This semester has been so weird. I feel like i have made leaps and bounds but am more and more confused about my future. Is it wrong to not have an idea of what i want to do. The more and more i take classes and get closer and closer to graduating the more doubts i have about going into medicine. Like it isn't a passion and i absolutely suck at everything science.
I mean sitting there and struggling through those problems almost affirmed what i have been denying for so long. That i don't think this is my path. Even if i wanted it to be (which at this point i don't want). It's weird i feel like growing up it was something i wanted to do, but the more and more i have been faced with coming closer to that "dream" the more i am notice that i dislike it. I mean even last year, going to those conferences with med students who stuck there noise up at everyone beneath them, was a downer.
I never thought in a million years i would come to a point in my life where i didn't know what i want to do. Who i want to be, where i want to go. I just know that perhaps the reason this road is so difficult is because it isn't the one i am suppose to be on.
I have all Christmas to think about this, but now i must pack and pray(in the non biblical more whining) that my professor will take pity on my soul and pass me.
