The Secret Life of Daydreams

OH...how i am going to love the weekends this semester.

Friday wasn't as mind boggling as Thursday and i was pleasantly surprised by how much i liked my Ecology class, it may be the only relief from tuesdays and thursdays. Sitting down this weekend and trying to finish homework( already dished out by my professors), i see that the only class i may have trouble with is math. Calculus to me isn't really a math ,it's a confusing array of graphs, numbers and words like TANGENT. I have until Wednesday to see if i will drop the class or not, but dealing with the evil packet he assigned for us to do, dropping may be the best option.

Walking around has proved more lonely than i have expected, you'd think i would be use to it by now, but i guess you never get use to being the only unfamilar face in the crowd, as others sit ot talk to someone they have recognized from last semester, Freshman are a whole other breed so they do not count. At least not in my mind. I have perfected the art of appearing like it doesn't matter. I walk like i know where i am going, like i have a destination, and there will be gold on the other side where i am walking too. When in reality it is just a front for feeling out of place.

Because it is only has been two days of classes, and clubs haven't started yet, i don't feel bad because nothing has happened yet. People are just readjusting and getting use to campus for the first time, and i guess when things get back to normal, i will figure out how to place myself in the mass of people who have already found their niche.

I think what affects me the most is that i want so badly for things to be okay for me. I hate for my mom to always worry that i am not adjusting as well as she knows i can. Oddly enough with my library interview the lady remarked that i seemed to adjust well in the working situation. It would later become the theme of everythihg i said later on in the interview( i decided to roll with whatever she said). When honestly in my personal life i do not adjust to well, for a sign that is known for it's adaptablility, i have yet to apply that to my everyday life. In most cases, i just feel awkward, out of place, and distant.

And though i love the aspect of living in my daydreams and fantasies, and the me time i need in my life. There are becoming more and more moments when i want human connections. When i just want a friend, or someone to go to the movies with, and have lunch with, instead of retreating back to the comforts of my dreams.

Time to read Pamela . I thought i would totally dislike this book, but it is kind of interesting. I think i am also going to like English this semester, minus struggling to read Anna Karenina. Why the hell we are reading that dictionary of a novel, i have no idea. Even though we don't start reading that until November, i figure i minus well get a start on it early, because there is no way i can finish that in a months time. My attention span will not allow it.