Bummer.

Today was suppose to be my last therapy session before Christmas break. I was suppose to show and explain my drawing of the boxes, there was bound to be some tears, laughs, and a feeling like I was closer to something.

I was anticipating it, though I scribbled down the boxes during a break from my job, I was surprised at what it revealed, I felt it was the key to many of my anxiety related problems.

So as soon as 1:30 came, I was out of the library quicker than anyone in the whole entire world, holding this paper in my hand that I felt was the key to something bigger than myself.

As I was speed walking I saw Katherine, she called my name two times as I kept looking behind me to figure out who was calling me. I waved politely, said hey, and went on my way.

Up 7 stories I went, with a cute boy who is also on his way to the therapy waiting room. It's funny getting in those elevators and looking at all the people going on the 7th floor, it's like a secret society for depressed, anxiety ridden college kids.

And as I walk into the lobby, go to tell the lady receptionist I am here for my 2 o'clock she informs me that my therapist went home sick, and that I must reschedule. !!!! Unfortunately next week will be hell and then I am going home for break. So i won't have another sesiion until next semester. Bummer. She said I could leave my number just in case someone cancels a session, but seeing that it is the week before exams and everyone is pretty much at a high stress level, my chances are pretty slim in getting a session in.

All that excitement and now I am bummed. Of all the days to get sick. Now I feel like I am going blindly down some road, I wanted someone to let me know I was going on the right path, especially before break.

Anyway.

Today during book shelving hell, I ran into someone I went to high school with. Her mom knows my mom and thus we are some how connected. She is two years older than me so we never really talked, we rather just knew of each other through our parents. She's nice though i suppose she has to be since her name is Promise.

I usually have a bad feeling about people with names like Hope, Angel, Princess( I knew a princess). Even names like Jade/Jewel/Mercedes/ and Star put a sour look on my face. I instantly think that are polar opposites of their names. (But being named after 2oth century writers ain't a bad choice for kids names. I'm just saying) But Promise is actually pretty nice, and sure she's isn't a saint, but who is these days.

So after saying hi we talked for about 15 minutes. School, Family, what we want to do after graduation, things like that. During the conversation she solemnly said that it was tough getting older, she works with kids at an elementary school and she wished she could tell them how easy they have it.

I remember as I kid I wanted nothing more than to become an adult. I was looking forward to it. I had everything planned out from age 10. At 13 I would be dating some super duper hot dude. At 16 I would have a car and work as a life guard. At 18 I would to the University of Michigan, and at 21 I would be preparing for med school.

Since then my adult life has not followed that path, and hearing her say that her transition into "adulthood" hasn't been as graceful as she thought it would be ....was shocking.

I think as children we think getting older is a badge of honor. But what happens when you get to the point of becoming an adult and you realize it isn't a badge you want at all. You aren't ready to move up to that new level, you aren't ready to leave your old life behind.

As a kid I thought being an adult and having a car were going to be exciting aspects. But with those excitement comes the realization that you have more responsibilities, that your happiness and life are not as simple as it use to be. Morning cartoons and freeze tag are now replaced with college books and loans. And dealing with the shock of it all is scary as hell.

Sometimes I sit in class and look at the young faces around me,and I can't help but think that one day we will be adults. Perhaps not tomorrow, or next week. But there will be a moment in time, when we are filing our taxes, or fixing our children dinner, that we will wonder where time went, and how we got here.

But for now I'd like to enjoy not worrying about those aspects. This girl still has time for her Saturday morning cartoons.

Time to finish homework, damn i have a lot of work to do.