Life Interrupted.

I love how you spend hours, days, energy and money to buy Christmas presents, wrap them, place them under the tree, only to have them all open in a matter of moments. Before you know it you are sitting in a pile of wrapping paper and presents, wondering why the time spent buying presents isn't as long as opening them.

My mom loved her presents. Lucky being an awesome shopper and saving money since i started working I was able to buy her a television, microwave, Cd player, 2 Cd's, a book, and a address book. The TV and microwave were the biggest hit of course.

I got several books(Edward Hopper book, Langston Hughes),2 Cd's, 2 DVDs(Little Miss Sunshine and Lady in the Water)The Sims Pet Edition!!, and an Ipod stereo thing, plus some really cozy socks. We didn't wait for my brother to wake up, we knew he would some how spoil
the mood and instead open them up at 7:30.

All in all it was a good day, my mom couldn't stop staring at her new microwave, i was hooked on the iPod stereo thing, and when my brother finally did wake up(around 11) he was preoccupied with the MP3 player my mom bought him.

But perhaps the thing about Christmas is that it's the one day, at least for me, where i try to avoid family conflicts, put pride behind me, and place a smile on my face.

The day after Christmas though that flies out the window and because conflicts are always around some corner I am ready to face them head on.

I've mentioned before that my brother is an idiot, along with a slew of other things.

He is kind of like this walking, talking, incompetent....idiot. For the most part i choose to ignore him, as he does with us. The only time he says something to either one of us is when he is asking for money.

I'd like to say that i remembered the exact moment my brother started to disintegrate from the brother in my childhood memories. The once smiling, always kind of off in his own world, but never to far that we couldn't reel him in, brother. But the truth is is that i can't pinpoint anything, because like most things, change, even in people, is a gradual process that continues until transformation is complete.

What we are now left with is the terror living in the bedroom next to mine, whose destructive wraith leaves everything in it's path destroyed.

Being at school is totally different. You kind of don't realize that during the process of completing college you establish a way you live your life. Who would have known the simple things like coming and going as i please, choosing what to eat, where to hang out, and what i do with my time were all glimpse into how i will continue to live me life. A pinch here and there of simplicity marked with an element of surprise.

But coming home there has been an interruption in that all to the thanks of my brother.

Until the other night, after making another round of asking my mother for money i became all to aware of the power he has over this house which threatens to make it feel less like a home. My mother is totally frightened of Morgan, not because of anything physical but simply because he manages to destroy what she has struggle to build..all in a matter of seconds.

Every time she has to bail him out of trouble, pay another parking ticket, give him money, is not because she is a pushover as i once perceived, but it's because she realizes that he has the ability(as we have seen in the past) to destroy everything she has built...and it is out of fear that he rules on.

But i remember as i child whenever we had bad dreams, my mother would say you have to defeat whatever is causing the terror and you won't have those dreams anymore. Incidentally who had reoccurring nightmares. He was always a tad bit afraid of the dark and not a fan of anything truly scary.

And thinking back on that now, i realize she was not only talking about dreams. Perhaps we feed the monsters that haunt our lives. We create the space for them to hide in the crevices, and lurk in the dark. And getting rid of them is simply about taking the power back, and realizing that behind ever big bad wolf, bogeyman, and monster under the bed is scared little is the scared little boy it once was.

I'm kind of ready to get back to my life, bogeyman free, and to my own routine again.

Marie once again keeps calling to invite me to do things, but i don't think i can stomach anymore boyfriend talk. He went on a ski trip before Christmas, and she called to tell me how bored she was. After agreeing to go hang out with her, she squealed(yes squealed!) when he called: "OH HE CALLED ME!!!", after recovering from throwing up in my mouth a little i put an end to hanging out time.

Sometimes i wish i could make New Years Resolution for other people.

Marie's would be: Develop life outside of boyfriend.

But i guess making resolutions for other people wouldn't really work.

Time to embark on reading some book, by some woman, who i picked up at the library.