Today I cried walking down the street.
The sky was extra gray and dark, the leaves have all but fallen from the tress, as atear is fell from my eye. And yet it was the most amazing tear that i have ever shed.
Today I got my course project back in English. I was terribly frightened that I had ruined an classic children's novel. You can't take a book that has been a part of literature for who knows how long, alter it in a movie like form, and think you have done it justice. I had literally finished it the night before it was suppose to be handed in. And even then I was nervous about turning it in.
So today walking into my final exam, I was anxious to get it back. She didn't make eye contact with me, which made me think she absolutely hated it. But then I figured out I wasn't making eye contact because I was scared of getting it back.
But as I went to turn in my paper, she grabs my story and soundtrack I turned in with more enthusiam then I have ever seen. And she says "can you email the soundtrack to me it was astounding." WHAT?! and that wasn't even the end of it.
As I headed back to my dorm, I looked at my grade which was a nice A, with the comment. "this is SPECTACULAR. Seriously, this film should be made! I couldn't stop reading? You have a vivid imagination and a great sense of pacing. I love it. Gorgreous work-and the Cd is wonderful too. You should write this Beckett."
WHAT?!?!?!
I was overwhelmed alright...I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I have this ability to do and be something so great and wonderful. That people see it in me all the time, that teachers like the stuff that I write, and people like to talk to me, and maybe even a non crazy boy or two may think I am interesting person. But I don't see it. I don't believe it, I refuse to take it in.
But then I get affirmations like these, which show me that I have a skewed sense of my self worth. That to others I am radiant and beautiful and capable of anything I set my mind to. And yet...I have to learn to see it and believe it for myself. And maybe in that I will find what I am looking for.
But today I feel like I may be on the path to getting there. And if that knowledge alone isn't worth crying for then I don't know what is.
The sky was extra gray and dark, the leaves have all but fallen from the tress, as atear is fell from my eye. And yet it was the most amazing tear that i have ever shed.
Today I got my course project back in English. I was terribly frightened that I had ruined an classic children's novel. You can't take a book that has been a part of literature for who knows how long, alter it in a movie like form, and think you have done it justice. I had literally finished it the night before it was suppose to be handed in. And even then I was nervous about turning it in.
So today walking into my final exam, I was anxious to get it back. She didn't make eye contact with me, which made me think she absolutely hated it. But then I figured out I wasn't making eye contact because I was scared of getting it back.
But as I went to turn in my paper, she grabs my story and soundtrack I turned in with more enthusiam then I have ever seen. And she says "can you email the soundtrack to me it was astounding." WHAT?! and that wasn't even the end of it.
As I headed back to my dorm, I looked at my grade which was a nice A, with the comment. "this is SPECTACULAR. Seriously, this film should be made! I couldn't stop reading? You have a vivid imagination and a great sense of pacing. I love it. Gorgreous work-and the Cd is wonderful too. You should write this Beckett."
WHAT?!?!?!
I was overwhelmed alright...I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel like I have this ability to do and be something so great and wonderful. That people see it in me all the time, that teachers like the stuff that I write, and people like to talk to me, and maybe even a non crazy boy or two may think I am interesting person. But I don't see it. I don't believe it, I refuse to take it in.
But then I get affirmations like these, which show me that I have a skewed sense of my self worth. That to others I am radiant and beautiful and capable of anything I set my mind to. And yet...I have to learn to see it and believe it for myself. And maybe in that I will find what I am looking for.
But today I feel like I may be on the path to getting there. And if that knowledge alone isn't worth crying for then I don't know what is.
6 comments:
RADIANT! just like in charlotte's web!
now.....good friend who is also a good writer - email me a copy of that there gorgeous writing, please! (seriously - i am very very eager to read it).
congrats!!! it feels good when someone else realizes YOU ROCK!
I'll make sure to email it to you, after finals =).
ME TOO! ME TOO! I want to hear it/ read it... aw, c'mon, Beckett... we want to be able to say "we knew her when"!! Oh, and for the record, I'm not a bit surprised. WE have always seen the talent, even if you didn't.
Congratulations, sweetie... I'm with Kbryna - it always feels so good when someone else realizes it.
You should sign me up on that list as well.
I am quite curious about this story, and your version of it sounds like it would make for excellent reading, as I have been without anything that didn't end with semicolons or brackets for quite a few weeks now.
Congrats!
Email it to me too, Beckett!
Yes, how wonderful to be validated. You have a wonderful gift of expression and it is exciting to see you start to realize it!
Post a Comment