A Student of Living Things.

What a long week. I was pretty depressed( forgot how that felt) last week after final exams. The reason i was so upset about my math grade was because i seriously studied for that exam. I mean more than any other exam at my University.

I don't mind bombing a test if i know that i didn't put any effort into it, if I'm just hoping to slide by. But this math test i was wholly invested in, the library saw me more that week than any other week. I made note cards, and had a binder full of math problems, i studied with Mike, I studied alone, i looked up math problems on his website. By Monday i was pumped to take the math exam, i was explaining crap to Mike before the exam, i was ready. READY. Even during the test i was like "Oh MY GOD I KNOW ALL OF THIS", I was sure I at least made a 75, and with half credit from the other problems i would make at least a B-.

I checked, re-checked, re-re checked, and left the class pretty confidant that i didn't bomb. So needless to say when i got back my class grade i was a little pissed, but more sad because my best wasn't good enough. And i felt like a failure. At least for a couple of days any way.

But of course everyone was right, and even a part of me knew that grades don't dictate intelligence. I am a smart kid who unfortunately has spent too much time studying things that have no interest in me. I finished a book yesterday called "A Student of Living Things". It kind of sucked but i like the title. The girl in it was a biology student but her mother called her a "Student of Living Things". Writing is what i do, it's who i am, so I'm trying to be more focused on it and become a "Student of documented living Experiences", as soon as i realized that the depression faded away. I'm taking 3 English classes this semester and a psych class(the only thing open), I've begun looking at some grad schools for writing, an internship or two, and have started a writing portfolio(whatever the hell that is).

A content feeling has slipped in, and i have been enjoying it ever since. I thought coming home would be a little odd, i felt so changed this year that i didn't know how being home would feel. I didn't know if i would become the extremely anxious person all over again, but I've been strong. I have checked out some library books, bought some Cd's, turned the AC up, and been doing my own thing (of course with the cats at my side).

My mom has insisted that i decorate my room, so i feel comfortable when i com home. So far I've bought an end table, and a lamp. I'm going for a European theme, but no so overboard seeing that I'm heading back to school in 3 weeks for Summer Session 1.

Beside decorating i have a reading and movie list that i must complete.

BOOKS:
Little Children, Family History, Shop Girl, and Three Dollars.

Movies:
Pans Labyrinth, The Science of Sleep, Spiderman 3(not my choice), and Little Children(movie adaptation).