Worry Wart to the Nth Degree

A while ago i went to this thing called biofeedback.

Biofeedback is this weird thing(psychology related) where your body is measured in response to stress. You are hooked up to a machine which records things like heart rate, sweating and yaddda yadda yadda. Depending on how your body responded you either a) handle stress well or B) don't handle it well.

If don't know if it was much of a surprise when the lady told me that my body does not handle stress well. Stress seems to build and build until literally my body wants to shut down. Pretty depressing to hear at the time but right on for all accounts. Outwardly i seem to handle stress well because i come up with quick ways to handle it. Internally i am like a wreck just my body doesn't completely shut down.

I am a worry wart, i admit it. I worry about everything. Friends, jobs, school, boys...i worry so much it keeps me up at night. I like when things go smoothly but it's when those damn obstacles are thrown my way that i become unhinged and have no idea what to do.

School and life after graduation are always at the forefront of my mind. How in the hell will i pay back loans? Will I succeed at what i really want to do? Is graduate school really for me? But my recent worry as of today is Will i graduate in May 2008?

Today i received some bogus letter from the University saying that i owe them money that was advance to me during Summer Session II. My mom called me today asking if my status as a student for the summer was cancelled because of the letter that she received.

I was literally like: What the hell are you talking about? I didn't even get a loan from the University so how can i owe them money?

At first i was call: Maybe they made a mistake

Early in the month the school had accidentally put my Summer Session II fees and my Fall fees all on one payment form. I called them up admittedly and was like: Um...You may have made a mistake. It was quickly corrected and here i sit today watching CSI in a crappy dorm room with a paper due Monday. This earlier error makes me think that this new problem could be the University's fault and that a phone call on Monday will straighten everything out.

But of course I have the WHOLE weekend to now come up with scenario's of how it may not be the University's mistake. Sh*t.

I'm so close to graduating that any problems that could hinder that are just stressful. I've come this far, taken a butt load of summer sessions, taken out a bunch of loans, are here i am as a Senior with 2 more semesters to go...Hopefully. It's like being close to the finish line in a race and then suddenly tripping over your shoe laces. It sucks big time.

I mean i question this whole school thing a lot, especially when it comes to graduate school. A part of me feels like it would be beneficial to attend 2 yrs learning the writing technique and craft. I'd have to go through the whole tuition thing over again but my portfolio would expend and i could learn a lot.

But then the other part of me is like...Maybe hands on experience would be better. Without the formal educational background, especially since what i want to do isn't so formal. I don't know... but these are literally the things that keep me up at night. And now i have this financial thing to worry about for the next 3 days so i don't know how much sleep I am going to get this weekend. My school has got to be the worst place in dealing with Financial Aid, i go through this every year and it never gets any easier. I still stress out immensely.

Time to start this paper. 6-8 pages to write and i have only gotten my name, date, and title down. Oh yeah!!!

Excuse the Shia LeBeouf picture. He's my calming face of the day to look at. Something odd about him but i like it. We're getting hitched soon. FYI.