Going Strong

My group is kicking ass and i am generally excited about the progress we have made.

Today was our last meeting to discuss the project and so far...so good. We have different personalities(of course) and approach things differently(of course) but we work well together under the situation (having to write a 15 page report by Wednesday). I don't know how the other groups are doing but we are working well together, and every one is doing there part.

Unity makes me very happy.

This session is coming to a close, everyone is packing and heading home to only re-pack and come back to school in less than 2 weeks. Despite being bored out of my wits some days, and freaking out over financial aid I'm glad i took these summer classes but even more glad that i am now a SENIOR.

I can't begin to explain how freaked out and excited i am about this. Unlike High School where there was some definite transgression into the new phase(college), the transgression from college into the "real world" is a little more scary. It's like i am beginning to realize that whatever path i choose will take me somewhere, and i guess i am a little freaked out about where it will lead me.

Deciding not to go to med school was not only a educational change, but a whole life change. I feel a little less prepared because i only decided a couple of months ago to go with something i love rather than medicine. I realize now that the reason i freaked out so much about changing my major was because sticking with medicine was a concrete plan. I knew all the steps to get from A to B, but unfortunately getting from A to B was pretty hard for me.

Whatever i decide to do now is kind of unscripted. There is no definite plan or highway markers pointing me in any direction, and i guess i am just not use to that.

It's not that i am a scripted, by the book person(far from it) but i like to kind of know where i am going. I like some sort of guideline to go back to from time to time if i get lost. I have never been comfortable with the non scripted moments, i freeze up and then freak out.

Case in Point:

In the 5th grade (oh yeah taking it back a notch) i was in play called "Adventures in Toyland". It was this top notch, a million act play, dealing with Fairy Tales and Toys. The drama teacher thought she was producing a Broadway play because it was brutal but fun. I was the lead in a act about Thumbelina, and for weeks we praticed our lines to the point where i knew my lines and others by heart.

On the night of the opening show, the girl who was playing my adopted mother ( i don't remember this part in the tale but whatever) totally forget her line. It was the quietest 10 seconds of my life. We all kind of just stared at her, and then the drama teacher queued the music and we excited the stage.

When we got back stage the first thing everyone did was turn to me and say "you should have made up something. Improv, you're the lead."

Though that was a zillion years ago, the scene still plays in my mind especially with this whole "moving on to a new phase" crap. Perhaps life is more like an improv show, instead of following the lines exactly, it's about making things up as you go along to fit the situation and the scene.

I think if i could become more comfortable in the uncomfortable then i wouldn't be so anxious about things .But I'm working on it, especially as i embark on my last year in college, we'll see how it goes.

I now have to write an 11 page paper for English. It's about a Flannery O'Connor story so it shouldn't be that bad even though i haven't started yet.