Senior year...how do i say this....
I'm stressed the fuck out. That about sums it up.
In high school i got the speech from my guidance counselor on how to make my college years go by smoothly. This is of course is what they tell all college bound students:
Freshman Year: Take all the intro classes. Get that shit out of the way. 101's, Elementary _____. The sooner you get those out the way the better.
Sophmore Year: Get to know your professors. By then maybe you'll have some interest in what you want to do, so take the classes that interest you. Make good grades, join a club or too. Yadda.
Junior Year: Hardest year by far. Start thinking about grad school. Keep the grades up, keep schmoozing the professors. Practice the GRE. Stay on top of things.
Senior Year: If all has gone well then you will ace the GRE, Have a solid GPA, Have some Recommendations in the bag, and Grad School "HERE YOU COME"
Unfortunately being someone who doesn't particularly follow the rules, i have come upon my senior year freaked out about Grad School, struggling to get the courage to ask for recommendations, finally pulling up my GPA, and that whole "staying on top of things"....Out the window.
The truth is I have no idea what i want to do. I want to write, i want to make money, i want to travel, and i want to have a love affair with Sufjan Stevens...sign me up for that.
The closer i get to the end of this semester the more i am kind of taking the whole "a year off wouldn't be so bad" mantra to heart. The only reason i want to go to grad school is because I feel like i have to. Like that's the next logical step. But when i sit back and think about it, a part of me would love nothing more than to take some time off, collect my thoughts, figure out what i can do with my writing abilities, and go on from there.
My mom says i came out of the womb rushing. I was born two days early because as she says "I wanted a birthday all for myself". Not only was i born early, but the doctor who delivered complained (jokingly of course) that i had pulled him out of a very important dinner. My mom says he was still decked in his suit at the hospital.
I've been a person who never likes to sit still for too long. I like getting my hands dirty, i like things right here and right now. It's not that i don't have patience, i just like to get things done quickly...so i can have fun later
But as of late this personality trait has been running me into the ground, i am literally wiped out, and struggling to pick myself up. I'm stressed out about a million and one things, and i am no where close to sorting it all out.
I need a vacation. A long extended vacation that may span a whole year. Like to England or something. That would be neat. A whole year traveling. Or interning. Or not being couped up in a classroom all day.
1 comment:
okay: here's me being a horrid pessimist (i'm doing this because i love you): i took a year and a half off between college and grad school, and I HATED IT.
it's a grind. it SOUNDS great, but it isn't like getting a whole year of summer break. you have to work your ass off to make virtually no money. having a BA qualifies you for practically nothing. being a hard worker, a cheerful employee, a decent person, a very smart person: gets you nowhere. i temped for a year, making about $10/hour before taxes. this is not enough to live on, AND i was worn to the bone.
unless you can get some kind of fellowship or grant to support your travels and writing, my vote is: go on to grad school. Your first year of that *should* allow you more breathing room than college - you'll have downtime, but you won't have to be working fulltime at barnes & noble to barely pay the rent.
you're always welcome to come visit pittsburgh, to check out the MFA program or just to see the three rivers (and me). i have cats and a futon whenever you'd like to make use of them :)
anyway: breathe deeply. you WILL get through everything. you always have, and you've done it well.
don't feel anxious about asking for recommendations. its's part of our jobs as professors to write them. and it's fun and exciting to think that i may be helping someone get where they want to be.
i'm always here if you want to talk! having applied and gone to TWO different grad schools, i have some experience in the process :)
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