Getting to Friday is becoming very hard these days. I spend the whole week running around trying to accomplish this, finish that, meet with professor, take test, go to class, eat...and maybe get some sleep. By Friday my eyes are so heavy from tiredness that i crash wherever a cozy spot is.
Today i had no other choice but to find a corner in the library to rest my head. For 15 minutes i laid down, trying to catch my breath as everything continues to rush at me all at once.
My head is just buzzing with a million and one things, and even though i talk about it in on this blog and with my therapist, i am not any closer to sorting it all out.
It's all about my indecision at this point.
Indecision is the name of my game and it is kicking my ass physically, mentally, and emotionally.
I won't go into it. I don't want to bombard my own jounral with anymore headache inducing thoughts about post college life. I'm beginninng to feel like the narrator of some Reality Bites inspired Blog, despite not being apart of Generation X or having a really cool love interest played by Ethan Hawke.
I will admit however that i am extrodinarily tired and fearful. I'm tired from all the stuff i have to do to graduate in August ( yep. August. Not May.). I'm tired of feeling like no matter what i do i will always be two steps behind and struggling to catch up. And i'm fearful that after all that is said and done the whole busting my ass to graduate will be for nothing because i still won't have any clue what i want to do with myself.
3 comments:
i finished college in January of 2001.
I didn't feel really sure about what I wanted to until spring of 2006.
Even now, I'm not sure. BUT: I like what I'm doing. and I've done enough shit I DON'T like to have a sense of my choices.
You don't need to know everything. You can always change your mind, and that is OKAY. having a master plan mapped out at age 21, and then trying to stick to it, is silly. it's like getting braces on your baby teeth.
Yes, of course, you have to make some decisions. But so few decisions are really PERMANENT - you can almost always change your mind.
Seriously, if you ever want to talk - like actually talk, chat or even TELEPHONE! - I am here. sometimes just talking through your indecision helps make it a little less overwhelming.
You're in the home stretch now, of college. Just another eight or nine months and you'll be done. (!!!!)
Im in no way shape or form a therapist. I didn't I probably wont go to college not that I don't Want to but you know same old story no funds no college.well enough about me. Just hang in there this is your last year and you kinda seem to know what you want and you are doing quite well. you'll find whatever it is that you are looking for just dont give up you'll eventually find it. Somebody once told me Just stay positive and don't let the little things bother you. See you in space
I haven't forgotten you... just been swamped. I want you to know I'm still here... {{{hugs}}}
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