"She Waits, Seething, Blooming"

I think I should title all my entries after stories (short and novel lenght) that I am reading these days. They are way more interesting then the ones I come up with on my own.

It's going to be 90 degrees here. OMG! I am on-call today which means I either get to sit in or near the sun and read a book all day OR go to work and sweat to death in a building that does not have air conditioning. Though I desperately need the hours (and money!) , I am hoping for the lounging day. I have my book already picked out (Less Than Zero) I already have my drink made (ice cold lemonade) and I have claimed my spot (any and everywhere).

Work has been crazy lately and my hours are being slashed drastically. Next week I am clocking in...count em'...TEN hours. This will not help me in any way, shape or form. I can't help but take a personal offense to the slashing of my hours, especially when I look at everyone else's. I mean everyone is suffering but at the end of the day I am the only one working 2 days next week. I know it has nothing to do with my job performance and more to do with the fact that I haven't complained about needing more hours or having huge financial responsibilities. I take my hours in stride part grateful that I have them and ambivalent towards not having them. But at the same time I would like to make money and working TEN HOURS sort of deprives me of that.

Angie may have told a co-worker that I plan on leaving at the end of may. On Sunday I came into work and Linda (a very nosey person) asked me why I was planning to leave?!?!?!. This sort of took me aback because I hadn't talk to anyone about this except Angie and I hate putting something out there that may or may not be true. I told her I wasn't sure, I have some waiting to do before I can make any sort of decision like that. But she looked sad. And spent the whole day hanging around me as if i was quiting that day.

My Uncle says plans are stupid. And though I do not like agreeing with him... he has a point. Plans never work out the way you want them too and because of this I have scaled back on the planing aspect of my life. That's what happened when I came here. I planned on becoming an editorial assistant, commuting from New Haven to New York. I planned on getting a car and staying with my aunt for a few months until I got settled. Clearly that did not work out. I had to adjust the plans quickly maybe for the better maybe not. In that sense I am sort of pissed that Angie talked to someone about a plan not even set in stone. That now it is forcing something into action. I don't want people asking questions about when I plan on leaving or why I plan on grad school working out. I literally am refusing to make any intricate plans outside of what will I do today or what book/short story should I read or write.

Thinking beyond that is too much for me. It's just too much. I want to enjoy whatever time i have left here. I will start that enjoyment by having a nice reading day. Enough said.