The Real World Was Pleasant Yesterday.

No shit.

Next week is my last day at the internship. For some reason I am very sad about this. I can bitch and moan about the internship because it's my internship. I can curse Lenny out in my mind because he is my Lenny. And I can laugh at and with Adam (the IT guy who got me off that damn roof) because he is my geeky tech guy who I have come to like more than I should. Because sometimes when we are talking, our faces get too close for my comfort and I get this sudden urge to lean forward into him, just because...

Yesterday morning I came into work and Lenny was super excited because he got an email from one of the models for the documentary we are working on. Her agent contacted him and set up a day that Lenny and the model can talk. It was nice seeing his reaction, because I had spent so much time researching said Model and now he has an interview with her. Things are happening with this documentary that i have spent 5 months on and for some reason I am very excited about this.

The truth is, I like my job there. I have figured out my role in the production world and I like it. When I am not being the goffer, I am mainly the research person. This means if Lenny wants to know every and anything about Iquitos, Peru I compile as much information as I can for him so he doesn't have to do it. I get to read a lot of cool shit, I get to search the web like a detective and when all is said and done I compile my info into a nice word presentation that I print and send to him via email. I was born for that. And if they would hire me to do that everyday, I would accept. Accept. Accept.

Yesterday, I got into the elevator [with the] guy who was fixing the air conditioner. For a few seconds we were really silent but than all of a sudden he wanted to ask me questions about what we did there. When I told him we made movies his eyes lit up and he started talking about how cool my job was. I was about to explain to him that I didn't actually work there (work entitles a paycheck, and I am not getting paid) but I didn't see any reason to. He then asked me how one would go about getting a job there. ???. I told him that it just depends on when they need the help and what you have to offer to the production company. I also didn't see any reason to explain that they really only have about 3 people working there, and that everyone else is an intern. Why let a man down so early in the morning.

After this encounter though, I too realized how cool my job is. How cool everyone's job is there. I still have no idea what they do or how they do it. But for the most part it is a bunch of 20 something year old people walking around with Mac computers wearing clothes that cost more than me. Trust me they get some work done, but they look happy doing it even when they don't get the budget they want for a film, even when they have to negotiate time for money, even when they are on the phone with the guy who is paying for all of this.

They still have an amazing gig. Creating art through film.

It was a nice sunny day yesterday, and I went on my normal snack run around noon. The weather makes everyone happier and even though Soho is a big neighborhood there was something quaint about it when I strolled back to work 30 minutes later. There was something completely amazing about the city in a whole. That this is the place where people come to find and or lose themselves in. And for a solid moment, just before I headed inside, I began to regret my decision to leave.

If the situation were better (job, money, and an apartment I could afford) I would stay. Angie and I talked about New York a lot and how there is a tension in this place that nearly suffocates you. Joan Didion says New York is only for the young. Some say New York is for the strong willed. I have yet to figure out what New York is for me. Sometimes it is all of the above, sometimes it is not. But yesterday, New York was a place I did not want to leave. A place that I could create myself in. There is a part of me that has no idea where I will be in 5 years. A part of me where the future is neither dark nor light. It is sort of ambivalent place where I hope I reside. But as I took in Soho, I was hit with a flash flood of possibilities for me there. That I could be one of those people having a nice afternoon in Soho because I had a life there which I had created for myself out of nothing. And this thought caused me to regret having to leave.

In a weird way I don't want to leave. I want to see where I could be in another year here. I feel like I've learned so much already, and I fear leaving prematurely.

Anyway. I have to close tonight. Yuck. Not looking forward to the hoard of teenagers fucking up the store.

Oh, and Cat Power is driving me crazy. Where was she four years ago. Or where was I that I never heard of her until now.