I'd Like You to Meet Someone

Her name is Celeste, and she is the protagonist of my first real novel. I think.

Back in May I had this insane idea to write a story about a couple in Peru. I was inspired by some pictures on Flickr of this female photographer and her photographer boyfriend who do freelance work all over the world. Their images are amazing, uniquely intimate and bare. Suddenly I struck with an image of Peru and a girl named Celeste and this relationship she has with this "sometimes, not really, all the time" boyfriend. The novel begins immediately with the death of a mutual friend who Celeste and said boyfriend have independently shared a history with. But the day after his death, the two board a plane to Peru, on to another job, wondering whats next, not particularly for them, but just in general.

I told Marie about this and she thought I was crazy. One, I cannot write a story about a place I've never been too. Two, that's not really much of a story. Where's the plot and where's the action. What's the point? And at first I thought she was right. So I shelved the story, I mean I don't want to misrepresent a country because I've never been to it, and I figured I should at least make a trip to said country before I decide to write a story about it.

But for some reason, during the few times I do sit down to write, I always come back to this story, I always return to Celeste and her life. And I can't stop trying to create a history for her in order to direct her and her actions. So though I have omitted any clear Peru references I am writing this story. Or at least trying to.

It's very difficult writing a story. Yesterday I was on Youtube (again) and during a random search I saw a video of some dude who looked just like my hot but very boring creative nonfiction professor. You know, Mr. McDreamyButRatherDull. Of course it wasn't him but because I was now had the memory of him in my head, I typed his name in the search bar and holy mother of crap, 2 seconds later there is actually a video of him giving a lecture on his first novel which was published a couple of weeks ago. Of course I clicked the link and watched with mild interest as my ex-professor read a couple of pages from his novel and then gave an interview about the writing process.

Even though I am not really into his writing, he was the golden boy at our university. He has won numerous awards for poetry and fiction and the last award he won lead to the publication of his novel by my schools publishing house. I couldn't watch the whole interview because he is REALLY boring but apparently he is now teaching at another school where he is getting his PHD.

I couldn't help but feel a tinge of "WTF?!" I feel like I have all the potential to be a writer but I have no idea how to channel that potential. I enjoy writing but I get so lost, and then mad, and then just tired. I still have no idea if I should apply to graduate school even though it is apparent that I need it. Or at least need a workshop or something. I wish I could post the link of his interview on here (he is still very cute but as dry as ever). I might, even though I am protective over where I went to school and live. I know I'm very weird.

Needless to say, as soon as I saw him I wanted to write. And because I am sort of stuck on Celeste, I keep writing this story. I am interested about who she is, why she is, and who she will become. But I feel I (the writer) am getting in the way of her story, I, who am very self conscious about my words am not allowing her to guide me. I don't know how to separate her from myself and for this reason I am struggling to find her voice.

Breathe. Relax. Breathe.

In other news, Marie called me all day Saturday and Sunday. It became very annoying after the 10th call. She finally got a rental car, until they can figure out what to do with hers, but she needed someone to entertain her during her all day wait for enterprise to deliver the rental. During the 8th phone conversation we talked about traveling again. I seriously am getting sick of talking about traveling and then going nowhere. I brought this up again to Marie who of course said she was too busy with her job to travel but that as soon as I got an apartment in New York she would visit me. That doesn't make any sense. Her visiting me in New York is not traveling. That's her coming to where I live, visiting, and then me just showing her the sights I've already seen. So even though she will be able to add Big Apple on her list of places she has been, I will have added nothing. I am determined to travel somewhere. I am starting a fund which currently only has 5 dollars in it, but I am desperate. This makes no sense to me why at 23 I've only been up and down the east coast.

I guess I should save up for a trip to Peru. Would make sense, even though I may have no one to take with me. Damn.

Time to write.