The Result of my Mishaps

So I have my computer back. Again.

This is the 2nd time in the span of 6 weeks that my computer has gone to Geek Squad. Unfortunately this time I did not have a warranty (even though I am not sure it covers viruses) and I had to hand over 200 dollars for my computer. Along with the nice fee, the geek squad dude wanted to give me some suggestions. First, I need to install some virus protection on my computer. I have not had a proper one since college hence the infection. Secondly, I should think of expanding the memory on my computer. It will make it run a lot faster. This was not a bad bit of advice but after spending 200 bucks, minutes earlier, I was in no mood for recommendations, even though I did end up buying a virus protection software.

I hope nothing else happens to my computer. I am sans warranty, and sans money to purchase a new computer or to keep getting this one fixed every time I do something stupid to it.

Anyway, In less than 2 weeks I will be in New York again. The nerves are killing me and I am excited though apprehensive about returning. Excited because I hope the next couple of months will lead to a real job, a real apartment, and maybe some resemblance of a real life. Apprehensive because until all of those things happen, I am returning to my bookstore job and my aunt. The aunt thing is not so bad (free rent) but I just found out that one of my favorite managers at the bookstore is leaving in September. There are only 2 cool managers, and without her we now only have one.

This only makes it more evident that I need to get out of the bookstore. After a year I am still there, selling people The Secret twenty times over. I am hoping that this internship will make me a successful candidate for entry level job. I wanted to email the editor last week to remind her about the internship and to give her the date that I am available to start. But with the computer incident and sheer laziness I waited until today. I hope that she has not forgotten about me, or decided to give someone else the position...just because. My email was very polite yet direct.

I am banking on this experience to catapult me into an editorial assistant position. I know. It's pretty lame that right now that is the gold at the end of my rainbow. I kept telling myself that I don't even know if book publishing is for me. It seems a little rigid and static. I lean towards magazine publishing and even production because I'll b able to write, but I need to get my start somewhere and right now this is the most logical point to start from.

I hate talking about boring stuff like this but unfortunately it is my number one concern. I am so freaked out about making the wrong decision for my life. Like what happens if I go down this road only to realize that it sucks hard core, and now I have to back track a few miles (or years) just to make it all right. Yes, this is what goes through my head...everyday. It's almost manic.

It's even worse because i have given myself a time line. A year at the bookstore was okay, but another year is just not possible. A year at my aunts has been helpful but a place of my own (where i can cook) is just necessary now. I need to have my stuff together by December. A real job would be nice, a studio would be reasonable and by December I hope to at least have those two things even if by the end of all that i decided to bum it all away for something more extraordinary. I should have been a rockstar. They have the life.

It sucks that all those seemingly easy wants, for now, are so hard to attain. They literally seem out of reach, even though I know 'it' is right there.

Damn.

Anyway, I am going to enjoy my computer today. Maybe a little sims here, Peru story there, and youtube. Not entirely productive, I know, but still...