"I Think I'm Going to Move to Australia"

I had a horrible day yesterday. I mean horrible. I mean so bad I questioned getting out of bed today. So bad that I questioned getting into bed yesterday because I would have to wake up today. I knew the day was going to be bad from the moment I woke up yesterday. I had a feeling, like I didn't want to go into work especially because I had just closed the night before. But I refuse to call out sick unless I really am. So I went, dragging my feet the whole time but confidant that my weariness about the day would wear off.

It didn't, during the first hour of work I was scolded by some bald old dude while I was trying to decipher what the hell his wife was looking for. It started off like this. Some lady stopped me in the aisle asking for hard cover fiction books. I told her, in my most non-sarcastic way, that they would just be with the fiction books. So shook he head and said "no, sometimes you have special edition books published from the bookstore publishing house.." I replied, "oh those would be in the bargain". Out of nowhere her Nazi husband gave me the stank eye and almost yelled "You aren't letting her finish the damn sentence!". Yeah, he said this. I don't get mad often but when I do I get this surge of energy that seethes red. I could feel the books I was holding slide out of my hand, because I was about to throw them to the floor and take a swing at baldy and his wife. He yelled at me in the nastiest tone ever, as if outside of the bookstore I didn't exist as a human being. He probably has grandchildren my age and yet because I wear a stupid name tag that gives him the right to treat me like shit.

So I let her finish her sentence, and then repeated to her (and Nazi husband) that those books would be in the Bargain section. Like I said the first time. I didn't get an apology or even an affirmation that I was right and he was in the wrong. They walked away and said nothing to me, not even a thanks. I felt so horrible, and I still feel so horrible because at that place, at that store, I am nothing more than some girl behind a counter with a suck ass bookstore job. No one cares that the place is not my permanent job, or that I write, or that I have a family and feelings. I am nothing to them, just as I was nothing that guy yesterday. And after that it was all down hill.

It was like customers knew my place in society and they wanted to remind me of this with their stank attitudes and bitchy moods, and I couldn't do anything outside of grinning and bearing it even though I wanted to fight people all day.

For some reason, I've never felt less then a human being before until yesterday. I hate retail! I am very grateful that I managed to get a job at the bookstore so quickly last year, but I can not do this anymore. Not only because the customers SUCK BALLS but because I just don't belong there. I am a bright chick, I have so much potential and all I've managed to show for it is this. Is a place on the couch at my aunts house, a dumb minimum wage job, and that's it.

Something needs to happen. There needs to be a change. I need another job, I need my own place, I need a cat named Jack and I need to feel like a person again. If not, I can't stay here. I can't spend another 3 years with my aunt, or shelving books for assholes wearing ugly green shirts.

You think Australia would take me if I decided to go there. People don't have horrible days in Australia right?