'Everything Was'

MixCd Extravaganza has unfortunately come to an end. I received my last cd's this Monday and I have been over the moon since.



I must admit, I have been waiting for this one most of all. Frogboots has been with from the very beginning. Since I admitted my bouts with depression, fell in and out of love with Art Boy, had to deal with crazy Katherine and her 'worst friend in the world' status, when I changed my major (several times), when I started therapy and toyed with the idea of prescription drugs, when Danny died....



This blog has been a place of refuge for the last four years. Hence the whole unwillingness to break the fourth wall. I talk (and will continue to talk) about every aspect of my life here. I didn't intended to do this, but it happened, and it kept happening and here we are today...



Once again this mixcd thing was just suppose to be fun. A way to say thanks, or hi, or maybe to break the fourth wall down a little. But I never expected the cd's that I received. They are all very personal, intimate and I hear all of your voices in them. Every cd that I received I opened with care, and then ripped the cd jacket open to get a sneak peek into yours lives. Into what you listen to, or what you knew I would like.



And then on Monday, I heard that sound again. Of a package being dropped off in front of me room. I waited a few minutes, dumped my book on the floor and held the package in my hand for a while. A long while.



I snapped a picture of the contents with my camera, and then tore into my suprise. There were two cd's, two playlists wrapped in tissue paper, and a note with my name. How I love me some notes. Especially ones that come from a sincere place.



Both cd's are distinct. One is filled with songs of wonder, excitement, optimism. The other one is quieter. The songs are delicate, soft, and filled with a tinge of optimism. I can't help but think that each song represents the four years of 'everything was'. Of our friendship.



I made sure to listen to each track closely. I didn't want to miss a thing. Not one. I wanted to make sure I was hearing what R.E.M was saying, and Jeff Buckley, and the cast from Glee. I wanted to hear it all, so that I could hear her and dammit all to hell Frogboots I got all weepy. Especially here:

'I have seen you in various stages of undress.I have seen you through various states of madness.I have seen your refractions and I did not recognize you.I have seen you in various states of madness'.


I don't have a lot of friends. I have people that I hang out with, I have people that I want to hang out with, and then I have people who know who I am. And there aren't too many of those.


You are one of my dearest friends. You know me better than Marie at this point. I don't know how you did it, but the songs are lovely. They are raw and unflinching and painfully honest. They are me. Every last note. And I think they are you. Every last note.


Thank you. Thank You. Thank You. I don't know how you did it. How you knew. But thank you. I adore you. Thank you.

And again thank you Mary Poppins, who introduced me to some awesome Canadian bands! And who has me addicted to that damn Bon Iver song.

And to Jon. Jon, whose cd's I listen to on a regular basis. The songs have lodged themselves in my head and every time I listen to a track it means something completely different than it did before. By itunes count, I have listened to 'One Time Too Many' 41 times. Damn. I literally love everyone song.

I don't think my cd's did justice in comparison. But I hope they moved you in some way. I hope.

Thank you.