Stop Being Such A...Girl

Marie is planning to visit me in New York sometime in march.

I do not know how I feel about this. She is my best friend in the whole entire world, and I am excited about her coming to New York. I don't think Marie has ever see the northeast. I mean she lived in Florida until she was 6, then moved to South Carolina where she lived until she was 22, and now she lives in north Carolina. She wanted to move to Wisconsin once (seriously I can't even remember that one as a state most times) but she stayed in the south, just because.

I love Marie to death, but she is not every one's cup of tea. She is brash, assertive, and has to be right even when she is wrong. Everyone hated her in high school because she would argue just to argue. In AP English she would take a stance on a subject that everyone was opposed to just because everyone was opposed to it.

By proxy, because she was hated in school, I was hated. No one could understand why we were friends. It was almost like "you are nice, and friendly but why the hell are you hanging out with her...maybe you aren't all nice...too late we hate you to now". Oh, high school.

The last year has been hard for her. Well, by hard I mean she graduated college, moved to north carolina and has no one to talk to. I feel bad for her. I Do. But, when she talks about how lonely she is in north carolina I can't help but want to say 'well,now you know how I felt in school'. This is petty I know, but sometimes she will talk about our relationship in college as if we were as close as were are now. That was not the case. She was dating the boy, and hanging out with her friends, and going on ski trips. I hung out with mike. We ate sandwiches at subway. I went to therapy.

It wasn't the same for me. We talk almost everyday now, but in school we talked once a month, and during those conversations she only talked about her boyfriend, or her amazing friends, or how awesome her school was! She never really asked about how I was doing, and to be honest I never really had the chance to.

So of course, I am less than sympathetic when she talks about being lonely n north carolina. ONLY because she equates loneliness to not having a boyfriend. She is convinced that if she had a guy it would make her situation less...sad. And this is coming from a girl who is the least girly person you would ever meet. Up until she got a boyfriend, everyone (excluding me) thought she was gay, only because people steretyped how she dresses, talks, and behaves (she likes hiking, and football)

And now, she calls me everyday, going on and on about not having a guy to occupy her time. I don't need to go into the demise of her first and only relationship with The Boy. But I think, because this was her first relationship and in all honesty she didn't think she would have one, he consumed her whole life. She got him a job at her job, she got him an apartment downstairs from hers, they had classes together, shared the same friends...it was insane. And when the broke up, he still worked with her, still lived downstairs, still shared the same friends.

It's weird talking to her on the phone, because my wants right now are so different from hers. I would like to have a boy to hang out with too , sometimes I get a case of the 'lonelies' but for the most part I am trying to sort through so many other things those are on the bottom of my list right now.

She called me the other day, with her sad voice, because the only person she knows in north carolina, has a girlfriend now. This was after he tried to befriend her months early and maybe casually date her. She turned him down though, and established a 'friends only' barrier. But now that he has a girlfriend she finds herself wanting to occupy all of his time. "he hasn't called me in two days" "should I call him" "maybe I should need another message".

I was beyond myself with aggravation, and I told her to stop being such a girl. Maybe he's just busy, maybe he is going out with his girlfriend, maybe he just doesn't feel like talking. Maybe she should start doing something about being lonely other than trying to snag some guy who has a girl because she didn't show any interest when he was single. She got really quiet after that. But it's the truth.

I mean one of the only reason she talks to me is because she doesn't have anyone else too. A part of me knows that the moment she aquires this boyfriend or friend I wil be pushed into the back burner again. Just like when we were in school.

She is planning a trip up here in march. But I fear that her real motive for coming is because she wants to inject herself into the small social life I have established here. She wants to meet McAbs, and hang out with Jenn and crap like that. But as with most things, I plan on keeping her as distant from those aspects of my life as possible, not because I want to but just because I have to. In order to establish a fine line between what her friendship means to me but also what the friends I have acquired her mean to me.

If she does decide to come, I imagine it will be a mixture of fun and stress. But she hasn't set any dates yet.

Time to read. I closed last night, and clocked in about six hours of sleep last night. I plan on reading (and maybe finishing) The Hunger Games today, listening to my ipod and eating pringles. I enjoy my life some days.