Temperature Rising.

So a relatively 'famous' celeb/author came to our store last night and I am still recovering.

I'd like you to know that the night ended with me getting shoved by a drunk lady. Oh, yeah my life just keeps getting better.

Said 'celebrity' was a famous teen actor who has some how rebounded from obscurity with some recent stints on reality tv which has opened a bunch of doors for him. Oh, and by general 15 year old girl standards he is pretty hot.

I don't know how to explain it. His show was flipping huge in the late 80's and 90's. I woke up every weekend to the sound of the theme song playing on the tv. His character was legendary and you would have had to been born, lived, and died under a rock to not have seen this thing on syndication. But I think the idea of celebrity is weird. You take a person, shove them in front of a camera and immediately we get this sense that we know them. Or more perplexing that they are more valuable then us.


It's even more confusing when we replace them every few years with someone younger and less talented. I don't get it.

We've known about this event for weeks! And at first we were all really excited but that was quickly replaced by terror. Hot attractive 'famous person' does a book signing in a vapid community of teeny boppers and bored housewives and you lose the excitement factor. All I could think about was a) I would have to work that night and b) I would have to clean up after the event was over. Fun times.

The whole night was complete chaos. Every other phone call was about the event, and every other customer question revolved around the event. Yes you need wrist bands, he might take pictures, no you cannot bring old memorabilia, seriously.

Then some asshole in the cafe kept coming to customer service to ask if we could turn down the music playing over the speakers because he was studying for an exam. Who comes to a bookstore to study in the first place. It's not a library, and then who complains about the music being too loud to concentrate. Go home, if the music is too loud or better yet go to a library. They have nice little silent cubbie holes for studying.

He kept coming back every 10 minutes to remind us that the music still was too loud. I seriously felt like telling him to go home because loud music was the least of his problems. If you see a guy in his early 20's with tight light blue jeans and a collard white shirt with weird dirty blond hair of a poodle walking around, poke him for me.

The event of course started late and by then the women and handful of men (one with a very prominent boner) were getting restless. Let me get back to the boner guy. He is banned from the store because he threatened to shot a customer a few weeks ago. I wasn't there. I don't really know what happened but the managers said if we saw him to alert someone immediately.

I've never really helped him locate stuff before because he always knows what he wants. Gay Porn. Lots of it. And not the gay lit that we have in the section, I'm talking hardcore gay magazines with the shrink wrap. The only time I encounter him is when he is purchasing a shit load of porn. And it's creepy. Not the porn (well that too) but because he looks like an offender. He's around 60, out of shape, always sweating with loose fitting sweat pants and you know what he does with the porn when he gets home. You just do.

So I was kind of surprised when I saw him round the corner to customer service. The managers were too. He was clutching one of the 'authors' book, with an eager look on his face and very prominent tent in his pants. And though I am not an expert in boys or their boners, it was way obvious that he was very excited. very.

"Where can I buy the book that his is signing" says boner guy. I nod my head to the front of the store and him and balls head towards the register. For some reason the manager didn't call the cops on him because in her words "that's one more sale for the store" I hate the bookstore. Hate it.

As soon as 'famous guy' came the girls started screaming. The screams were full of intense hormonal attraction. Not only were they yelling but they started standing on the shelves, causing things to collapse. One lady even left her child unattended in the children's department so she could get a picture with him. Horrible.

I must admit, I got a glimpse of him and he looked like a wax figure. I saw him round the corner and was like 'he looks exactly like his picture'. That was the extent of my interest. No lie. I spent the rest of the night rubbing my temple because my head hurt. I don't do well in crowds, I don't do well in crowds where people are screaming and crying. I just don't

Amazingly we were a still functioning bookstore despite the disappearance of two managers and a couple of employees. I got stuck at customer service where I would eventually encounter the drunk lady who shoved me.

She comes there all the time and I usually avoid her but my head hurt and I wanted a break from the screaming girls. She wanted to know if we had an AA book (of course she did) but the one she wanted we don't carry in our store. So she asked me to take her to the section. I took her to the addiction/ recovery aisle and pointed out some revelant books. I said bye and then I turned and saw an employee. So I started talking to said employee about how the event was going. She was standing in front of the break room because 'celeb' was getting ready to leave and they wanted to barricade hallway from women.

As I was talking, the drunk lady kept saying 'thank you. you can go now. thank you'. I turned around and told her that I wasn't helping her anymore and that I could talk to my friend if I wanted to (my head hurt. bitchiness ensues). She mumbled that she couldn't look for books with me around to which i replied that standing in the same aisle doesn't imply me looking over her. I turned back to employee to resume the conversation (really just to get on drunk ladies nerves now) and then drunk lady said 'no seriously thank you' while she attempted to push me out of the aisle. Gently, of course, but still. Hands made contact with my shoulder, as she was shoving me away from the addiction shelves. I turned around and she mumbled 'you know what i can't do this' and then shuffled away.

Someone teleport me out of this place. I will pay you in short stories and poetry.

As soon as 'sort of celeb person' left so did the crowd, and we spent about two hours cleaning up the mess. It was ridiculous. I don't understand people. From the women dressed like high class hookers to drunk lady I just am too exhausted with life right now. I am still on a vicious job hunt that has me applying to 6-8 positions a week. And nothing. Absolutely nothing. Keeping my head above water, one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. It's so easy to want to slip under the surface and let the current take me. I sometimes want no control over this body that I possess.

Becks