Good Night

Kat's birthday is tomorrow and because I don't hang out with many people at work I suggested we grab pizza after work today to do what people our age do. I didn't think she would be so excited about hanging out with me. But for the last few days she has been checking in with me to make sure I wasn't going to bail on her.

And I didn't. We grabbed pizza across the street from the bookstore and talked up a storm. I apologized for being distant sometimes and she apologized for being noisy. I'm a painfully slow eater so we spent a good hour in the pizzeria discussing our life desires and Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

After pizza we hung out in front of the store in this patio isque area near a fountain. The weather here is stunning. The last couple of days the skies have been a nice grey and today was the first sign of sunlight. It gets dark until 8 o'clock and the weather cools down a bit then. So it was breezy and warm all at the same time.

I don't have many girl friends. Marie is a very Type A girl and sometimes we have conversations like two asexual people. But Kat is a girl. A girls girl and there was something nice about being a girl around her. I wished her an Early Happy Birthday during our time outside and she said she considered this hanging out experience an awesome present. Which was cool with me seeing I am a very broke girl that these days.

We waited around a bit until her boyfriend came to pick her up and by then we were joined by Matt, who'd just gotten off from work. He entertained us with stories of drinking and Medieval Fairs while Kat warmed me of the dangers of Moleskin journals. It was a fun night with people i generally like.

It's weird stepping outside of myself in order to be around people. I don't do it ever. I worry so much about life, money and my own pursuits of happiness I abandon living in the moment. The moment has no interest to me. But tonight was nice.Grabbing pizza and talking about boys was nice, going to the liquor store with Matt afterwards to buy some weird brown booze was nice.

I don't know why i don't ever fell safe with these very normal and comfortable activities. I hate being in 'like' with people (kat, matt) because I know i have a tendency of attaching myself emotionally and then quickly abandoning when it gets to close.

But as I attempt to live this extraordinary life I have to remember to enjoy these moments too. When all is right just because it is. When grabbing pizza and hanging out with friends is alright because it keeps you sane. It keeps you, even if for a moment, from wigging out about the things that aren't particularly going in your favor.

And maybe, for once, I can actually say that I have friends. I have these people who actually give a crap about me. It makes me feel weird and not so alone.