Le (Pre) Birthday Plans.

Omg. My birthday is tomorrow.

I am actually very excited about turning 25. I feel good about it for some reason. The age feels right.

I started celebrating on Saturday. The gifts my mom sent me arrived this weekend and 'we' both saw no reason for me to wait until Tuesday to open them. Okay i begged a little but she agreed. And I scored big time folks. I already knew I was getting a new digital camera but actually using the thing has been amazing. It's a Canon SX and I am still learning the features. It's a heavy beast of a camera but damn it all to hell it's amazing. I can't stop myself from snapping pictures.

Along with the camera I got a cd, itunes gift card, a stuffed frog (i'm obsessed with frogs) and camera accessories; including a tripod which I have wanted ever since I got my first digital camera 5 years ago (when i turned 20!).

Tomorrow I plan on going to the MET and then Magnolia's (a cupcake shop located in the village). Despite the cloudy skies today and the rain that continues to fall from them, tomorrow is going to be sunny. Chilly but sunny. A perfect day to get lost in a garden.

I'm excited that this year I have taken my birthday activities in my own hands. Last year I sulked and cried, the year before I sulked for the better part of the day, but my spirits were lifted by the aunt and baby cousin who sang me happy birthday to beautifully decorated cupcakes my aunt bought on her way home. We then ate Italian food and watched America's Funniest Home movies. It was stellar.

This year I made the decision that sulking is not allowed. While I am still broke as hell, I wanted to spend some time in the city; where I feel all sorts of inspired and lovely. So tomorrow is my day for picture taking and food consumption. And of course I will post the pictures as soon as possible.

I've gotten slack from a few co-workers who do not understand the whole 'spending my birthday' alone thing. Evan gave me a concerned look when I told him about my plans, as if I am the only person to do so. Kat seemed more pissed than concerned. On Friday, after reading one of my facebook posts about impending plans, she gave me a 'have a great birthday' hug and then said 'i hope one day you let people into your awesomeness instead of shutting them out'.

Ouch.

To be completely fair, no one has offered an alternative to my plans. Not once have I heard 'maybe we can go to the movies or a bar or out to eat' that day. Birthday's are weird. You are allowed to spend them with close friends and family but how do you spend them with people in the middle. For the most part I adore the people I work with, they make working in retail that much easier. And while we grab burgers together, see crappy movies and play video games at one anothers place, I wouldn't say they are close friends. Friends yes, but close friends not really.

And I don't want to burden any of them with the specialness that is my birthday. I don't want them to feel obligated to treat me to a good time when they don't know me that well. And I sure as hell don't want to do what i did last year: putting such high expectations for them to just remember my birthday yet alone devise plans for the big 25!

So yeah, spending the day at museum and a cupcake shop seems like a loner thing to do but I love going to museums, and taking pictures, and eating. I am content when I get to do nerd things by myself. And feeling responsible for my own happiness on the day I was born is fitting.

No one can take that away from me.

Don't get me wrong I am a tad bit nervous. I want tomorrow to be amazing. I don't want to feel blue or lonely. I wish my mom were here to spend the day with me. Or even, I wish i did have a close enough friend to explore the city with. But what I have learned since moving here almost three years ago is that I am responsible for every aspect of my life here. Including that thing called happiness.

So, Birthday Extravaganza tomorrow. I have my cardigan and striped shirt ready to be worn. I am exploring the camera features so that I can get some great shots tomorrow and I have a sandwich shop and cupcake place picked to eat at.

Tomorrow, is not about job hunting. Or life worrying. Boy troubling or anxiety feeling. It's going to be a day of complete, lovely happiness in a medieval garden where like a knight from all those medieval tales i read, I will emerge not new but stronger, more resilient and ready to join the world again after conquering the quest I needed to embark on.

Can't get any better than that.