Tee Hee.

So I may have requested to have today off just so I can watch the season premier of Doctor Who tonight.

I know, I know, very lame and nerdy bordering on geek like territory. But I just couldn't imagine being at work, until close, with unruly teenagers and despondent co-workers on a very beautiful rainy day while Doctor Who was on. I just couldn't.

And for some reason this week just beat the crap out of me. I had so many things to do, not enough time to do them all but I was too much of a hardheaded person to space the events out. I felt all kinds of spread thin and exhausted.

So while my reasons may be nerdy and now I am a day short of making money, I do not care. It's Doctor Who day. And it's rainy which always evokes feelings of England. And I couldn't be happier.

I meet the coolest Who fan the other day. The kid was like 12 and was shopping in the teen department with his mom. I was helping a truly unpleasant man a few shelves down when I turned to see the boy holding a doctor who box set. I ditched the customer quickly with a 'have a good day' and went up to the kid.

"shows coming out tomorrow are you excited?" I asked. I was not expecting much of a response outside of 'yeah, i guess'. Instead he stood up quickly and exclaimed:

"I've been waiting for months now. the show is sooooo good and I love Matt Smith as the Doctor, I want to watch all the episodes before tomorrow but I don't think I'll have the time. And my sister is coming home from China tomorrow. China and we love the show and watch it together and I bought this for her with gift cards I got for my birthday and we plan on spending the day watching the series at home with our parents. I'm so excited"

I almost hugged him. I wanted to laugh he was so excited. By the time he finished he was very red faced and grinning from ear to ear. Instead of giving the kid a bear hug, I said something about there being an all day marathon tomorrow (today) and that he could catch some of the old seasons on BBC America as well.

His mom joined into the conversation as well, to see who her son was talking to, and said that while she wasn't as big of as fan as her son she enjoys watching the show with her kids. It's become a family thing. I got all kinds of weepy and happy when she admitted this, and wished them a happy Who premiere night when they left the store.

I have some reservations about getting older and the social expectations of marrying, settling down, and having kids. At 25, most of the people I went to high school with have married their high school sweethearts or college beaus and have popped out at least one child by now.

Their online life consists of profile pics of bland looking children and status updates about potty training and breast feeding. It seems all so blah, and yuck. Especially because I do not want any of that.

Obviously I am not so conventional when it comes to domestic living. I am a 'selfish' single person who likes being responsible only for my own wants. I am at that weird age where my past life as a 18 year high school senior relying on my mother for stability comfort and money parallel the life I will have as a career 'girl' who will have to asses her life socially, romantically and professionally in the future.

In this awkward middle place, my perspective about child me and adult me is very terrifying and tear inducing. I can only look left to reminisce about being a teenager and my home life from those turbulent teen days (which when I think about now weren't all that bad or turbulent. But rather nice and simple and easy compared to life now) and to the right I am anxious and excited about who I will be( ten years from now) and the people I will have in my life, and all the prospects of adult living that will come with.

And sometimes when I do think about what I would like in ten years, a family is up there somewhere. A distant foggy image of them anyway, where I am a mom to a nice pre-teen boy who purchases (with birthday gift cards) his sister a dvd of a show the whole family watches just because it brings happiness to them all.

I miss being home some days. I miss my mom and my brother. And at 25, I can only miss my place in a family unit because I am so far away from my own version of it, but so far from creating one for myself.

There I go thinking to much again.

The point is, Doctor Who is coming on tonight and that kid reminded me why I have no reason to be ashamed about loving the show. It's amazing. Matt Smith is amazing and the story lines are captivating. I am excited to no end that my next few Saturdays will involve geeking out to Doctor Who.

I have my chips, soda and food ready for my night of adventure (and British accents) while I drool over the hotness that is Matt Smith (I really must met a nice British boy).

I was suppose to watch the premier with friends tonight but the rain has deterred me and honestly I would rather spend the day inside. To myself. I like having no plans and the idea of even looking outside is too much of an effort.

I love that I am accepting how much of a nerd I am. It has made life a lot easier and a lot more fulfilling.