....hysterical, crying in pillow, panic induced breakdown because I am terrified of this.
....i don't know how to connect to people, i want to.
... i don't know how to be a part of things, i want to.
... i am a mess. a mess that no one should have to clean up (fiona apple lyrics)
... i am terrified of being alone. despite the fact that i continue to push people away.
...
1 comment:
I wish I had something even moderately useful to say, but I don't. Only, that Marie is not the only person you ever connected with, or ever will. She was one, but not the only.
Kittensnotkids has been recommending a support group, and she's really right. You should give it a shot. You don't have to love those people or become their best friends, but I think part of the aloneness you're feeling right now comes from the fact that no one can understand what you're going through except for people who are going through the same thing.
I go to a support group related to a health issue my kiddo has, and while I thought it would be complete bullshit, it's fantastic. It makes me feel so normal and so sane. If you've been thinking about going to one, really, give it a try. And if everyone there sucks, well, they suck. But they probably won't.
In the meantime, keep writing.
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