The other night Sean's sister took him out to see a movie, as a belated birthday gift. Before going home they stopped at a Taco Bell, and saw a stray kitten running around in the parking lot. He fell in love. Attempted to catch it. And when he didn't, he convinced himself to go back on the weekend and try to catch it again...with help from me.
The boy is obsessed with cats. As much as I am a cat person, he tops my love for felines. He has had several in his 26 years, not including the strays he likes to feed in his neighborhood. It's sort of weird. Cause he doesn't take me for a cat person. I figure this because I associate myself with cats all the time and he is often annoyed with my mercurial personality. I am playful one moment and then cold the next. I like affection only when i am in the mood for it. And I fall asleep a lot. Like a lot. These are all things that he seems completely perplexed by. Perplexed. And yet in felines this is acceptable, adorable and manageable qualities he as a pet owner likes.
We closed last night and as we were hanging out in the back he tells me about the whole Taco Bell-kitten-imma catch you- night he had. He recently lost a cat (death) and felt some weird kinship to the little guy in the parking lot. I'm nodding my head, somewhat listening, somewhat wanting to continue reading my magazine when he says "--so i'm going back tomorrow night...do you want to come along". Asaywhat?
My relationship with Sean is very weird. We are friends who flirt. We are crushes who are friends. I like him a lot. But there are obvious reservations. I am afraid of losing him. As a friend. As a crush. As a person I look forward to seeing. So when he asked if i wanted to go with him, 20 minutes outside of where either of us live, alone, to spend an hour in the parking lot trying to find a kitten, i agreed without even considering how insane the plan was.
We couldn't go after work that night because he was driving people home, so we decided to go tonight. I had today off to celebrate Kats birthday (which was splendid and awesome and full of laughs) and he had to work all day, but he said he would pick me up after work so we could drive over to the parking lot and 'catch us a kitty!". Last night we got in a mini argument though because I decided to get a ride home from someone else. And i thought this argument would ruin our plans for today.
I hate closing with him when he's driving four other people home. I don't like how crowded his car is. I don't like that we cant talk. I was planning on walking home (instead of getting a lift from Sean) when someone else offered to drive me home. I said yes and as i am heading to the parking lot with my other coworker Sean, who sees that i have departed from the pack of people he is driving home, yells "beckett. beckket. what are you doing?". I turn around, a little annoyed because he didn't offer to drive me home in the first place. He just assumed that he was giving me a lift. At the sound of my name, everyone who has closed and is now heading in their respective direction stops and turns around. He puts his hands in the air like "what the hell" and says 'what are you doing. your coming with me". I point to our co-worker and yell back that he offered to drive me home so i was just going to go with him.
"But i offered first" Sean yells back. So now there is this weird awkward standoff. Everyone is looking at us. I'm standing in between Sean and nice co-worker just as my dumb manager, who is also watching the weirdness unfold, yells anticlimactically "who you gonna choose beckett. who you gonna go with'.
Now the said co-worker who offered the drive home was the Preacher guy (Kat's crush), who Sean is convinced I have the hots for. He is pretty don't get me wrong. But the preacher thing (and the married thing. and the kat called dibs thing) is quite the boner killer. I'm nice to him because Kat likes him and there have been many times when she has asked me to play the 'wingman' in their interactions. Regardless, Sean seemed to be making a bigger deal out of the fact that it was Preacher who was driving me home rather than me wanting to not be in a car full of people.
So i point to Preacher and say 'i'm going to go with him". Sean looks pissed and he turns away abruptly and begins to walk away. I yell back "please don't be mad at me" but I'm not sure he heard it. As we are walking away the preacher apologizes for creating any awkwardness between me and Sean. And i apologize because I'm not really sure why Sean made such a scene. Of course after this happened, i thought Sean would bail on tonight's plans because he was mad at me. I woke up prepared for disappointment. I was a terrible breakfast date as I shared my worries with Kat about the prospect of him not going through with his promise to pick me up so we could 'catch a kitty!'.
Sure, it was never really about the damn cat. I have attempted to catch many strays in my life and you learn quickly that kittens are especially hard to catch and generally are not trusting of us human folk. But i couldn't pass up the opportunity to hang out with this boy. Even if just for a little while. If it would have been any other guy i would thought he was fucking insane for wanting to return to a parking lot days after spotting a stray cat to catch it in a fucking crate. Crazy! But because it's Sean, i was just elated that he wanted me to go with him. Around 6:30, when i received no text or phone call from him, I was convinced he was going to bail on me. I began to dress anyone just in case, but i started to mope and feel like shit and curse my dumb stupid brain for being a dumb stupid girl.
And then 7:15 came around. And I get a call. And the call is from him and he wants to know if I'm ready for cat hunting cause he is prepared for a cat stake out. Playing it cool i reply 'oh, so we are still doing this? sure I'm down!" then i hang up the phone and dance around in my room like a lovelorn girl.
And while the bulk of my night with him was spent walking around a Taco Bell parking lot, whistling softly, throwing food on the ground and checking behind dumpsters, I was so fucking happy to be spending time with this boy. So fucking happy. Of course we didn't see the kitten. There was food laid out and water set in the bushes but no cat or signs of the cat for us to continue waiting around. He seemed generally disappointed at the missed opportunity and i felt sad that we didn't have a kitten to doll over on the way home, but I would have done it again. In a heartbeat. I'm not really sure why he even brought me alone. This is obviously something he could have done by himself. I actually think he would have stayed longer if he wasn't so concerned about keeping me out late. It's a shame that he'll never know that I'm a stupid stupid girl who would willingly participate (again) in stake outs with him just so I can sit in the car as he patiently stares out his window waiting for his chance to catch the cat that stole his heart but that he let get away.
Le fucking sigh.
3 comments:
there's some kind of tragic and weighty metaphor here, but damn if i've got the energy to tease it all out.
also: JESUS CHRIST KITTEN STAKE-OUT-DATE! that's a boy, right there. i'm having a proud-mama moment here, at your excellent choice of kitten-adoring crush. what's the deal with his GF/extra baggage? how can we get rid of her? I don't know, I'm the unluckiest girl on earth, but i have been told, over the years, that in situations such as this often the boy is kind of paralyzed with fear/anxiety: keep the safe, known, but not awesome relationship, or hang your insecurities out for a stranger who might be a better match? but might not like him? or not like him that much? or whatever? I'd bet money that he didn't tell the gf that y'all were kitten-hunting together tonight.
Yep, I'm with KNK on this one. You've got to figure out what's going on with the GF. What's her deal? Does she know about you? Is she majorly jealous? WHY WON'T HE MAKE A MOVE IN THE RIGHT DAMN DIRECTION?
I'd also be, like, 5-10% wary of a dude like this, if only because *I'm* the jealous type, and if he moved on to a relationship with me, I'd suspect that he was more interested in every new girl to come along after me. But, ugh, that's my baggage.
I vote for getting very very very mildly tipsy and confronting him. You'll still have the "ignore it, I was drunk!" excuse (dumb but sometimes useful), but you'll at least have a chance of forcing him to tell you what's going on.
Kerry: the gf is still around :/. When he was talking about moving to baltimore, i asked him what she thought of the move. he said he didn't tell her yet, but that they would probably break up. I don't think he will break up with her unless she intiates it. The very logical part of me knows this. The boy is VERY needy of female attention (kat thinks he may have some mama complex) and for him having a gf is like having a trophy he can wave around. while i like this boy, i realize he is not ready to make any move in the 'dating someone else' department. it's a very weird situation. i feel like im a gamble of a gf. i may not be the better choice. or the prettier choice. or more interesting choice. but i obviously affect him. he feels something for me. but he isn't sure abaout risking it all to take a chance on me. I'm sort of at the weird point where i wish he would.
perpetua: im the jealous type too! there have been many times that i have caught him being playful with other girls, hugging it up, commenting on how hawt they are and i get all jealous and furious with him. And i'm not even dating the boy. I've been meaning to post about this for some time, the jealousy thing, the fact that i fear he is interested in having every girls attention that comes his way. I often don't feel special around him. We got into a huge argument two weeks ago because i told him i dont want him to think i'm his puppy (a term kat and I coined in regards to our crushes). He seemed confused by my statement and spent the time 'teasing' me about making such a big deal about him. I cried. So i'm more like 20% wary of a guy like this, and yet i continue to crush hard.
I do know that something has to happen or be said by one of us, eventually, to explain our situation. i'm not going to wait around forever.
Post a Comment