Moving On

The amount of changes that have occurred in the last 3 weeks are astounding and if ever is the time to be take note of the signs the universe is throwing my way...now is it.

I moved into my new place last Wednesday and outside of commuting, which i fucking loathe :as a person who is perpetually on time, I cannot understand why trains and buses aren't on time. Okay, i can give some leeway for buses; but traiiiiiins?! come on, i absolutely adore the new place. It's the size of a studio apartment sans the kitchen. I have a actual refrigerator and cabinet to store food. There is a built in bookshelf and a reading nook. I  have alcove ceilings and in the morning there is so much light that comes in through my five windows! five! I am in love with my new home. I have a home.

Combined with my new home (a huge big change), I finally put in my two weeks notice at Barnes and Noble last night. Now that I no longer work there i can retire the Le Sad Store title. I've gone back and forth on this decision for months. The extra money is nice, I like working around books and my friends are there. That''s what i have been telling myself this past year. But honestly, I only work 2 days a week so I am not pulling in that much money. I like being around books but working around them is actually soul sucking. People continually butcher titles and authors names. I do not deal with customers who enjoy book, more often than not, the people i help hate the books they are their to buy. Also, not many people I know work there anymore. Compared to last year I actually feel like a newbie at BN or worse like a fifth year senior. The place is the same, the shit i put up with is the same but the people who made it bearable are no longer there. They got better jobs, they moved, the simply quit. I lingered.

So after a really rough and ugly night at the store on Monday (my new manager is incompetent and let another manager take the fall for a mistake he made) I decided to jump ship. I have put up with a lot at that store but now that I don't work there often, my friends are all gone, and the commute is awful, I can not justify stay there. I just cannot. So i let one of my managers know yesterday and I in a few short weeks I will no longer be a bookseller.

I've applied to some part time jobs closer to my house in hopes that I can make up the 2 shifts i am losing at BN. If all else fails, I can also take up some hours at the University I work for. Regardless this is a decision that was hard to make but has made me happy. I hate that place. I am starting to dislike most of my employees and seriously commuting at night is the pits! The train home smelled like beer and piss.

Two very big life changes have happened so quickly that I am starting to get the feeling that I am doing okay. Whatever trench/ black hole/ desolate space I resided in  this past year has suddenly opened it's door and let me out. Decision making and executing plans and putting things into motion has given me purpose. I am a person again. I am a person and there is something liberating about it. Scary as hell but liberating.