I can't tell you the amount of times I have already typed
I spent the last two days of 2015 at my aunts house, making lasagna rolls and watching an inordinate amount of shows on the Disney channel thanks to my cousin. The lasagna rolls were delicious and I think i may have a future as a home cook because so far all of my pinterest inspired recipes are coming out well. My aunt, who is a picky eating, went back for 3rds and even my cousin, who barely eats, could not contain her appreciation for the dish. ::pats on back::
We stayed up until Midnight to watch the ball drop and then immediately went to bed around 12:05. I woke up super early the next morning so I could head home and enjoy my long weekend in the comfort of my apartment. My aunt seemed disappointed that I couldn't stay around longer to make more food and babysit my cousin but there is something about being in my own home, indulging in my own routines that I cannot get over. It's seriously a luxury.
Unfortunately I got pretty sick the day of New Years and spent the bulk of my weekend nursing a pretty awful stomach ache while watching a Law and Order marathon. As I approach 30 (yes, I will be 30 years old in march) I am slowly realizing that while I look like a high schooler on the debate team, my body has demanded I treat myself like a woman approaching her 30's. All the greasy food from the past two days, combined with my restlessness and lack of sleep, mixed with a few life anxieties caused my body to shut down come the weekend.
If anything, I am going to have to take it easier on my body these days. Or eat healthier, especially if i want to avoid feeling as awful as I did this weekend. Despite my weakened state, I half-heartily made up with Kat this weekend and also tried my hand at car buying! Both were semi disastrous ventures.
On the Kat front: She came over this weekend so we could finally exchange presents and 'air our grievances' about the last awkward few weeks between us. In general our hangout was nice. She got me some awesome gifts and seemed pleased and surprised by my presents to her. Of course, once the exchange was over we painstakingly went through why we hadn't talked in so long, only to agree that we handle things differently and need to communicate better.
I had planned this big speech about needing our friendship to evolve and for us to grow as independent people who are the best of friends who don't need to depend on each other in an unhealthy way. But Kat seems petrified by change (opposed to it actually) especially when it involves people close to her. And whatever baby steps I want to take for my own life will just have to be done quietly and without her knowledge because it will only be met with resistance .
On the car front: Well, my friend Heather took me around to some dealerships the other day and I found a few cars I am interested in. Car buying is akin to speed dating I imagine. We spent the bulk of my car buying experience walking around some lots, making general first impressions about certain vehicles and then when there was one I liked, i simply asked if could test drive it...you know, to get to know it better.
I found a car I love but college loans will haunt me forever and I didn't qualify for a proper loan (financing is the way i have decided to go) to walk out of the dealership with a car. I am a little sad because I desperately wanted to be in a car this week especially as the weather has plummeted to single digits. Test driving the vehicle I ended up liking was an amazing experience. I haven't actually been behind the wheel of a car for a few years, but as soon as I was the freedom of being able to go where i wanted, when i wanted confirmed why I have been so on edge about getting a car and ridding myself of the public commute life.
Heather has agreed to help me keep looking and hopefully by the end of the week, I will have wheels. If not, i will continue to be a very unhappy Beckett, who silently curses out her always late bus driver. Literally, he showed up ten minutes late today (and I cannot give him the benefit of the doubt because I am his first stop in the morning) and when I got on the bus, he was casually sipping a Starbucks coffee. It took all of my strength not to pry that coffee from his hands and toss it on the floor and dance on it with my freezing feet.
All of my strength.
I am not one for New Years Resolution and the passage into this year has not been fraught with this desire to make any big or meaningful life changes.BUT i must admit that i am very excited about new beginnings. Things are going well, I am doing okay and I am okay with the trajectory of life at the moment.I am thinking about starting a memory jar, so i can keep a track of all the small and big moments I am proud of this year. I was in such a bad place this time last year, that I am only just beginning to realize that I am taking valuable steps to better myself.
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