Work

Ugh, I am struggling to stave off the weekday blues today. Struggling and the only thing saving me is the Hamilton soundtrack. It's fucking phenomenal, making me only more irritated that I am not as talented or brave to pursue anything creative lately. Le sigh.

The past few days I have been overwhelmed with a handful of little things and now all I want to do is crawl under the covers and wait until life stops feeling so 'stifling'.

The laptop I've had for six years suddenly stopped working last week and though I don't use my laptop nearly as much as I used to, the thought of not having a computer in my home freaks me out. The last time that happened, I was stuck going to the library to use the computer and I ended up sitting between a older guy watching porn and a teenager watching porn.

To avoid that fate, I decided to buy a new one this weekend though I should be saving up for the car I desperately need. I'm at a weird point in my life where realistically I can afford to buy a new computer. My cheap ways are paying off and my rainy day fund is more like a torrential rainy day fund.

For some reason this only increases the guilt I feel when buying things I don't really need. Well, things that I have to replace. I am freely okay with buying new books or clothes and bed-sheets. But I don't necessarily like replacing my sneakers because my old ones are worn out. Or buying a new computer because the other one decided promptly that I didn't need to use the inter-webs.  If my laptop could last another six years, I'd be perfectly happy. But life doesn't work like that, i guess, so I bought a new online. Begrudgingly.

 Of course after the purchase, I went home and started clearing some programs off my old computer in preparation to give it to my mom only for the damn thing to magically start working! I think it was just low on space (thanks to my massive Sims collection) and once I cleared up said space the computer started working okay. But having already spent the money and anticipating a newer faster computer, I've decided to keep the new one in favor of the old.


On top of that my friend Heather is having some issues at work that I feel slightly responsible for.
Heather and I tend to hang out on the weekends to shop and complain about things.This weekend was not that different. Because I am still without a car, I gladly take any and all opportunities to hit up the supermarket or mall with her. And, I generally like hanging out with her. After our almost disastrous falling out, I am super glad we reconnected and put our disagreement aside. I am not an easy person to love and I am learning to be less hard on the people who work damn hard to be apart of my life.

 She recently got a promotion at the University (great) but her new boss is super crazy (not great). She's only been there a week and already her boss has snapped at her several times over personal rather than professional things. I feel super guilty about her current job situation because I was one (of several people) who told her she'd be crazy to not take the position, even when she expressed concerns that her boss's disability (an extreme form of autism/Asperger) could make her work life very hard.

After working in an office for little over a year. I can unequivocally say I miss working at a school. I don't necessarily miss my job, which I was overqualified and underpaid for, but my ideal situation at the moment is to work on a college campus, take free writing courses and pursue a creative outlet. I don't know if I want to write a book but I do know I want to have a stamp on something and I know i will feel great disappointment in my life if I don't at least try.

 That's why when Heather came to me and said she was offered a promotion within the University we both worked at, I couldn't understand the hesitation. I'd trade my job in a heartbeat if I could get my foot back into the University. I'd love to be able to get another degree for free. I'd do college right this time while also getting paid to be there.  And with this thought on my mind, I told her she' d be out of her mind to pass the promotion up.

But of course it hasn't turned out how anyone could have imagined. It turns out her boss may be severely disabled and cannot manage people professionally. Outside of her random outbursts she is highly paranoid and micromanages to a fault. The other day her boss listened in on her phone call and then pulled her into her office and told her she was not allowed to make phone calls to other employees on the campus...even to ask them for help. Heather told me this story over coffee and looked on the verge of tears and I must admit, the guilt flooded my stomach as I suggested this for her under the pretense that it would be a step in the right direction.

Adding to the mix of stressful things, I am going home in a few weeks to visit my mom and extended family. I am super excited about this vacation. I rarely go to Charleston when I am home and because my grandma is having a few health issues, it's one of those trips that I may never be able to make again with my whole extended family in attendance.My mom told me last week that my aunt will also be in town that week visiting and now I am all concerned that this vacation will closely mirror our failed excursion to D.C. I still have flashbacks of how awful that trip was.

My aunt has been sort of MIA for awhile thanks to her asking my mom and I for money, because she stopped paying her electric bill. It's a long story. When we told her it was impossible to come up with the amount of money she was requesting in such a sort time, she stopped talking to us for weeks. She's only just re-emerged into out lives and now I will be spending what was a few relaxing days with my flighty aunt and baby cousin who recently was hospitalized for anxiety (long story. a post to follow).   

Needless to say, I am sort of over this week and I desperately need the weekend to get here so I can spend a few days under my covers, listening to Hamilton and reading books. Kat wants to head to Brooklyn so we can hit up a chicken and waffle place that we've both been dying to try but I'm not sure I am up for a Brooklyn trip even if chicken and waffles are involved. Okay, I might go for chicken and waffles, who the hell am I kidding, but there needs to be more days in the week in order for me to catch my breath and breathe.

Two more days ya'll. Two more